I still see me...

I've been thinking about things...
During my quiet times where my body is saying, "No, don't get up yet, you're not ready."
A fleeting thought at one moment this past week was that I felt so frustrated to not be me that I know anymore.
Every once in a while I come across this thought.
I miss my stamina- gotta work on building it up again.
I miss my voice. Sometimes I just can't talk the way I want because I'll go into a coughing fit.
I have learned to accept, adapt and appreciate most of the time.
Then there are other days where I just wonder where am I? Am I still who I was before my cancer diagnosis? How do others see me? I know many many wonderful people have told me I am not just a cancer patient. I am someone who has many interests, passions, and ways I exude energy. Do I still? I feel like sometimes I'm living in the shadow of my past. So. At this time, I had my phone with me and I hunted down a few pictures I liked of myself after we moved to Hong Kong but before my diagnosis. They made me happy. Then I came across that picture I took of myself on a conference day recently... I still see me. I see myself in everything I do. I see myself in my patience I've learned to use more consistently. I see myself in the hope I have for the future. I still see myself in my determined actions and love I share with others. I'm a little wrinkled around the edges some days. Weaker. I need to be careful in ways I never had to before but I'm still me... It was refreshing to have this low moment I could pull myself out of with a little reflection. I did honor the time with a collage of the pictures from before diagnosis and the picture of now. I still see me through all these pictures... I sometimes had low quiet days then too... hunker down and read for the day days... curl up and watch shows and movies with family days, relax on vacation days in the hotel room or in a lounge area...  I love life and appreciate all my memories...

This past week was ok. Saturday was Nivolumab day- was hoping to go to a conference after the infusion but realized it wasn't a good idea... Sunday I got to see a very special friend in the morning and then I rested a lot. Only had work Monday/Tuesday. Was able to work all day Monday but Tuesday was a no-go morning but after a few hours (3) I was able to head in and teach classes and speak for a few seconds at the staff meeting without coughing attacks. (looking into allergy medicine next... shall see if it helps).
Wednesday I woke up shaky... I was really nervous because I was going back to my gastro-enterologist and it was really stressing me out. I went with my parents and son. My dad and kiddo entertained themselves while my mom and I waited a long time for the appointment. I thought there was an infection there, reassured me many times that there wasn't... Hmm. I give the wait to the fact that the doctor cares a lot and takes his time with each person. So when he came into me, he had me lay back after we talked for a few minutes. He started moving my feeding tube. I yelped, cried, asked what he was doing- he was tugging, twisting, and turning the tube. No warning. My mom teared up on the other side of the room. Seeing her tear up made me calm down for some reason... He explained that he was loosening the stoma area. That the clamp that was putting pressure on my abdominal wall and stomach wasn't necessary as much anymore after 5 weeks because there was enough scar tissue there now. After wiping away those tears and giving it a few minutes I could feel a drastic difference. 5 weeks of pain a little more explained. The doctor requested that I start using the plunger in the evenings/when it is harder to feed myself with simple elevation. Then he told me to drink Gatorade thru my feeding tube to get the fluid and electrolytes I need vs. going to get a fluid bag push at the oncologists. He said "less needles is good, right?" I've tried. Finding I'm doing ok. Euch to Gatorade. I miss Pocari Sweat from Hong Kong... a lot. Apparently Uwajimaya has it- shall visit quite soon!

I went directly over to the oncologists though and checked in with the nurse who agreed about the Gatorade and did one bag of fluid... and took yet more blood. My white blood cell count is still up and a puzzle to her. She said I must be just finishing some bug off and need to be patient as I heal.

I was really wiped after two dr appointments and was glad to get home to my husband. He and the kiddo had some fun together after the sweet boy was stuck an entire day from one dr. office after another... even with all my dad's support- no fun... but he did have a "busy bag" filled with books and entertainment...

Love my sister

Thursday I woke up and did my morning feeding routine but could tell it wasn't time to move yet. I pretty much didn't move beyond feeding myself and drinking loads of water til 2pm which was frustrating but I accepted that's where I was at. Eventually I pulled myself together, went with my husband and kiddo and got to go to my sister and brother-in-law's home for Thanksgiving. I found myself really quiet and reserved. Every time I talked I started coughing pretty quick but it was wonderful to be with everyone.
I actually ate a little food (baby bites, slowly) and loved it. Happy day.

Today I've had three beautiful visits- two by Skype to Hong Kong- man I miss those wonderful friends- and one lovely visit at my house... I'm so lucky to be surrounded with love and support here in Oregon. Also, I'm lucky that people watch and pace themselves with visits with me without staying too long, even on Skype. Very grateful.

Thanks as always for journeying with me...

Family shot from Thanksgiving.

Researching...

Well.
Not laying down and taking things as they come.
Being proactive.
Doing research.
Tenative about some places.
Hopeful about others.

Liked articles:
http://www.newsweek.com/linkedin-cancer-354877
I like the idea of cancer treatment people connecting with one another...
Also found the link here: https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/home promising since it includes all clinical trials for cancer around the world. Searchable by type, etc. Found one I thought was hopeful, mostly.

New Cancer Survivors:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201503/the-new-cancer-survivors

So far, I'm investigating 8 options. Shall see. Slightly tired of repeating myself going over all my medical history, etc. Appreciating my oncologist's referral letter which pretty much includes it all in medical terms most seem to appreciate. Asking many questions before having any hope about any treatment option.
Concerned that my arthritis will conflict with most treatments since it is an auto-immune disorder. Also concerned with other factors, shall see.
Have 2 appointments for next week with cardio thoracic surgeon and radiation oncologist.

Enjoying time with family and friends.
Loved watching the movie Inside Out, brilliant one. Hooray for 1/2 price movies on Tuesdays at a nearby theater.

Cancer Research:
Looking into clinical trials and immunotherapy treatments in many states in the US and also in Israel.

At OHSU. Going back on Monday next week...

Chemo reactions, careful monitoring

Was feeling a little styling... Tuesday.

Second to last time I watch my body react to chemo. While I was getting the infusion, I felt more and more fuzzy in the head but still cognitively with it, just slowed.

Tuesday I felt still somewhat hopped up on the steroids, allergy medication, and anti-nausea meds but I did take the prescriptions I was told to... Tuesday afternoon I hopped in a taxi after working a full day and rode to the ferry terminal. I met up with my wonderful friend Megan and we headed to Discovery Bay for a librarian's meeting. It was an interesting one but my eyes struggled to stay open at certain moments to be honest. I enjoyed discussing books and making new agreements for the Golden Dragon Book Award program we're organizing and also eating dinner and chatting with wonderful people.

Wednesday I got thru the day but barely. I came home to a refrigerator that was broken. Oh, did I mention that last Friday our washing machine was broken? We got a replacement on Tuesday. No rest for the weary. We tried different things out and are hoping that the fridge will last the 2.5 months we're still here in the apartment, shall see. I napped and watched shows and calmed my mind.

Thursday was a little rough on the coughing. I thought it was easing up but not quite... feeling better this evening though I think. Worked all day and then hopped in my friend's car and headed to another school. Met up with my wonderful friend Tanja and we co-presented at an IB PYP session on author inquiries. It was fun to co-present and bounce off one another's ideas. Grateful I had the energy for this.

And now... Friday. I'll get thru it. I'm missing a writers group Thurs. evening that I really enjoy but had to draw the line and be wise. Friends are looking out for me. Megan made sure I we rode a taxi home both Tues. and Thurs. Smart woman, I was dragging...

Side effects have been expected and then honestly a little surprising as well. Stomach issues abound as always but aren't as terrible as chemo week #7-12... Pains are there from coughing but I think the anti-inflammatory is really keeping things in check. My brain was really foggy on Wednesday. One student who is brutally honest (but caring too) told me "Mrs. Alvarez, I notice that you're making mistakes and are a little confused today, you must be tired." I simply said, "I am tired, you're right..." (I couldn't remember a student's name-- remembered it the next day no problem though!) So... taking things gently. Day by day. But honestly, I don't feel like I'm acting like I had another dose of chemo for the most part. Getting along. Living life. Having fun. Seeing friends. Working. Appreciating what I've got. Snuggling with my kiddo and husband. Dealing with a dog getting older (sob). Waking up grateful for another day. Doing qigong breathing exercises in the morning and night. Missing yoga but will get back to it... Grateful for this life.

My sister shared an interesting article.
http://www.timesofisrael.com/israel-india-team-up-to-cure-cancer/

Thanks as always for journeying with me... Appreciating the support.

Plugging away and getting thru the days

Well. Got thru another week. Had a harder one, perhaps I'm pushing myself too much/expecting too much but I'm not quite feeling great. This is ok for me just making time to rest every day after work but I'm not thrilled with the pressure I feel in my chest and the odd pain I feel in my stomach area. I brought this up with my oncologist today and he said to be patient and that the pain is normal. Hmm. Chatted with him about plans for the next months. He said he actually now would like to skip giving me a PET scan and instead do the last two rounds of chemo first. Hmm. I look forward to seeing him on April 11th to find out more about his plans. I've been asked by insurance/HR people to go back to the local hospital possibly for the last two rounds of chemo treatment as the cost might be much lower. I will respect that request but if I feel that I'm compromising my health, I'll return to my oncologist. Cost is terrible and scary but honestly, I'm not taking any risks... we'll deal as needed.

I was happy about a few things, got teary eyed again about them actually- I've gained a little weight again, phew... nice to not get a lecture about eating... Plus my cancer tumor markers have gone down again a bit which I find reassuring. Darn cancer... really working hard lately to refocus my thoughts to the positives, anytime I have the negative ones creep in. Really challenging sometimes but overall I know I'm doing pretty well at keeping positive. Expected up and down days since I'm on break from treatment...

A few things to look forward to... holiday in a week and a wonderful friend joining us for most of the time, woo hoo... and then work thru the end of June... then moving home to Oregon early July! I decided to begin a countdown for the move home...  hooray to 109 days left to enjoy Hong Kong and Asia before the big move back.  Countdown

My good friend Lenore has returned to the US, sigh. It was so so wonderful to spend time with her and catch up. Grateful for the gift of time that we had together (plus fun time with other lovely friends as well during the visit)... Lenore was interviewed by another author friend/radio presenter, Reenita Malhotra Hora, during her visit on Hong Kong's radio station- RTHK, it was a fantastic interview!!
http://programme.rthk.hk/channel/radio/programme.php?name=radio3/state_of_the_art&d=2015-03-15&p=6684&e=299363&m=episode

Thanks for journeying with me...

Feeling lucky for special times with friends. Grateful... :)

Toolbox plus A Good Week- Reflecting

Three of us had amazing juice for breakfast
and great conversation too!

I received a message from an app yesterday, Timehop... I saw pictures of myself sitting on a hospital bed. Wow. It has been a year since my 1st/2nd operations for breast cancer, second cancer diagnosis. I've been taking Tamoxifen for a year now. Keeping that specific cancer at bay. I've had pain from the scar tissue for quite a long time... but the new scars are starting to recover a little bit.
I am not one for marking too many dates in my thoughts every year. Loved one's birthdays are important, anniversaries as well but cancer diagnosis? surgery? Not so sure.

I've enjoyed the past week for so many reasons... it kept me hopping, not many down-time moments.
First there was a dear friend staying with us- feels like an empty hole in our family now that you're in a hotel Lenore, we miss you! Then there was an author visit at my school on Wednesday, what fun that presenter was, enjoyed the day taking care of his needs and laughing along with my students. Also wrapped up the second book week... a relief but special the whole time.

Every day I'm getting a little stronger, feeling a little better... actually walked 10,000 steps without feeling exhausted/noticing it on Thursday. I'm really excited about an event my husband and I are going to tonight. Shall see if my strength holds up.

I chatted with my life coach a few weeks ago about what I can do to maintain my health now that radiation is over. She's seen too many people crash/get ill once their body is done with the exhausting process of surviving chemo/radiation. Guess it is like how some go on holiday and get sick because they are relaxing for the first time. We talked about what my toolbox for health holds... what my practices are for feeling strong. I've thought about this over the weeks and I have a pretty full toolbox of good practices presently, some tools are used and the others are there for emergencies and needed times.

Tools I'm presently using:
1. Breathing and relaxing. When I find myself feeling nervous/stressed, I forcibly slow myself down, lower my shoulders, start breathing slowly and deeply.
2. Qi gong. I'm still loving classes once a week and know that the practice is happening on a daily basis. I use strategies when I'm feeling insomnia occurring and also when I wake up feeling lousy.
3. Yoga. I'm still enjoying classes once a week and am grateful for the focus time.
4. Yoga Nidra- once a week I'm still practicing this with a friend, grateful for her gifts of time.
5. Family time- my son's and husband's love nurture me.
6. Quality time snuggling with my dog. She slows me down and is such a sweet little love.
7. Walking - I appreciate that I can walk to most things here in my neighborhood- grocery shopping, MTR, and more. Just a few steps away. I love the energy walking gives me.
8. Acupuncture- I'm visiting my acupuncturist still. Just not as often.
9. Chinese herbal medicine- drinking it twice a day. Still dislike the taste but I'm consistent.
10. Tea- tumeric, ginger, green tea, mint tea, and more. It helps me start the morning off right and I also drink it in the afternoon/evening. Calms my stomach.
11. Squeezed lemon in warm water- I start the day drinking this.
12. Oil pulling- I still put a teaspoon of coconut oil in my mouth first thing in the morning and swish it around for 10 minutes or so and also I do this in the evening.
13. Essential oils- I use many essential oils every day. I really feel that they've helped me keep up my immune system and also helped my stomach on bad days.
14. Health supplements- I take many vitamins on a daily basis. Some I've taken for years to help keep my arthritis at bay... others I take now for better health.
15. Massage therapy- I have two more prepaid massages. Got one yesterday. It was lovely but painful. The woman I see knows how to do lymphatic massage and is incredible at working on the areas I tell her I have pain in.

Tools waiting to be grabbed:
1. Osteopathy- I'm going to see my osteopath in a week or so, haven't seen her in ages, think it will help to get my body reset after bedrest, etc.
2. Lymphoma specialist/physiotherapist- I'm going to see one for the first time in a few weeks. Will be interesting to learn from him.
3. Chanting- I haven't done much chanting but know I can.
4. Meditation- I haven't done much of this but know I can.
5. Mindfulness- I haven't used an app, etc. in a while.
6. Gratitude journal- I haven't written in one in a long time but instead am taking note of what I'm grateful for, think the journal got me into the natural practice of redirecting worried thoughts to  appreciation instead.
7. Art- I haven't doodled in a while. Soon. Soon.
8. Writing- I'm only writing lately in this journal and on my blog... soon. soon.
9. Eating healthy food- I'm doing so on a daily basis which includes green juice, etc. but haven't expanded my repertoire too much. Shall be pulling this out soon and finding new meals to eat since I've become a little more picky recently.
10. Insomnia solution- putting my legs up the wall- haven't had to do this for a while.  (Hooray for sleep not being as tough, knock on wood.)
11. Yuen method- I think about seeing the specialist and what he says frequently but haven't found a need to return.
12. Dancing- hoping to dance at an event tonight! Shall see.
13. Exercise- beyond walking I've been waiting to have a little energy, might be getting there. Haven't stepped into the gym we joined a year ago since August. Would be nice to go use the elliptical sometime soon. Someday I hope to build up energy to do Zumba again. That would be a beautiful thing.
14. Travel- this is something I love looking forward to and then also experiencing- going to Bali in 2 weeks, hooray!! Anticipation!
15. There's always room for more tools, right? I felt very healthy simply putting away a tool last week, my wig! Bagged up, put away. Hooray.

Well... enough lists, I love my lists.
Thanks as always for journeying with me...

Little update plus traveling down memory lane

Enjoyed the weekend, had many restful moments and happy moments with friends and family.
Saw my magician, oh, I mean my oncologist.
He pulled another rabbit out of his hat.
He didn't quite expect my reaction.
That's ok.
So, when I went in, I looked at my lung x-ray with him. It was fascinating to see how my body has recovered since September with the operation/missing part of my lung. It was a relief to hear that he didn't see any damage to my lungs from radiation.
Then, I chatted about what his plans were for me... he wants to wait 6-8 weeks to do the PET scan because if we go too soon, there could be false positive results. Sigh. That brings me to MAY for chemo. I just want to be done already. This is costly. It is stressful to deal with the insurance game. And I might have to lose my hair once again... well... I'm not thrilled.
I responded with those thoughts to him (with my eyes filling up with tears) told him that this has been so hard so far... He said that he didn't necessarily think he would use the same combo of drugs with me for the last two rounds of chemo. He might use drugs that don't make hair fall out... does this compromise my health/future? Hmm. He also mentioned that he might not even want to do the last two rounds of chemo. All depends on the PET scan.
He gave me a referral letter to see the lymphedema specialist. Shall look into that soon.
He recommended I take an anti-inflammatory for my neck pain. Shall look into that tonight.
Sigh. Hate taking drugs but I'm still in pain and it has been 5 days since my last treatment.
I'm grateful for the break. From operation to chemo to tomotherapy/radiation this time has been really challenging. I'd like to build myself up a little... get more stamina... recover from the pain in my chest... get thru these side effects.

Got to meet up two special friends Saturday... A special author friend is visiting right now... Seeing her felt like family coming together again. Very happy to see Lenore. More time will be spent together soon, so excited and grateful for the time together...

Today, I spent the morning among wonderful loving people. Good friends to chat with... good time with my son and husband too. Today, I pulled out this old thumb drive that was in my work desk and opened it. I haven't lost everything when my computer died after all. At least I didn't lose everything from 2012 and before. But since 2012... it is a toss up. Sigh to my writing. I must get over the loss of all the documents and sit down and work on my manuscripts again. It is a goal. My husband surprised me today with the gift of an external hard drive. Shall work on proper backing up on files for the future. Sigh to that learning experience.

Appreciated my husband's reminder that some images aren't as lost as I thought. Looked through all my old emails I sent month by month for my son's first few years. Made me so happy to read those old updates. Kiddo sure has grown a lot since those emails and images.
Ready to enjoy a week at work. Thanks for journeying with me....

Happy day meeting up with Lenore...

Only 2 more

Getting thru the days. Enjoyed visiting an Indian Food restaurant, delicious place. My husband said, "Wow, I'd get this takeout food every day if I could get you to eat this much at every meal." Nice to have an appetite and like food... PLUS we ordered take-out the next day from the same place, y-u-m. Yes, I'm addicted and my husband is ever so supportive...
I'm quite happy that I'm looking at final two treatment days. Pretty exhausted. Painful to deal with treatment but I'm grateful to not be burned on the skin this time. I think the main thing bringing me down right now is the shoulder and neck pain I've had since the first day of treatment. Putting that right arm over my head has exacerbated the pain... not certain how to handle it.
Normally I'd put ice on a pained area or a heat pack but I recently sat through a presentation about lymphedema and one of the recommendations was that I avoid a sauna, hot tub, or anything that makes my skin pink... also I'm supposed to avoid having anything freezing on my skin. That makes things quite limiting.
I learned also about how lymphedema occurring in different quadrants based on how the lymph nodes work... Unfortunately, I've had lymph nodes compromised in 3 areas of my body. With the cervical cancer, they harvested lymph nodes. With the breast cancer, they harvested lymph nodes under my right arm- go figure, it is my right shoulder that's in pain... With the metastatic cervical cancer, they removed a portion of my lymph nodes near my heart, those are the ones that are getting radiated presently. Think I should see a specialist to check on my lymph nodes, learn if I need compression sleeve, etc. Shall be chatting with my oncologist about this on Saturday when I see him next. Quite disconcerting but good to be aware I suppose.
Now to finish my long countdown from 30 to 0. Will be really happy to get there finally.
My husband snuck this picture of me when I was snuggling with our dog today. I'm pretty darn fatigued lately... My hair is growing in quite nice but I know it could all go away with those last two chemo treatments, sigh. Shall see. Personally the thing that stands out to me is my eyelashes since they are mostly returned now... I somewhat almost can see myself and see a healthy person again...
Thanks for journeying with me, really grateful...

Ticking the days off

No more Wednesday treatments. Happy day. 4 left. The end is in sight. Not thrilled about any treatment. But I'm making the lab technicians laugh as I walk in. Today I let them know "today is my last Wednesday"... One of my favorite technicians always says as she leaves me, "Won't be long." If she's not there that day I say it to myself. She's seen me through my radiation treatment for the cervical cancer, breast cancer, and now lymph nodes... kind woman. Another one used to say to me "stay still" during the breast cancer treatment. She doesn't say that anymore. I do not BUDGE or even breath more than shallow breaths once they're done writing on me, adjusting me, rolling me, positioning me just right. I'm honestly freaked out about moving a smidge at all because I don't want that radiation going anywhere wrong. Bad enough where it hits now.

Pretty drained/tired but still enjoying work. Don't feel like I'm overdoing things, just is annoying to get up in the mornings.... but I've never been a morning person. The end of the work week is tougher for me, more talking with some classes. Adjusted my lessons with some groups this week so that I don't talk as much and am LOVING my decision. Nice to have students back to independently exploring literature. Will add back technology projects and research soon... less talk from me... I did finish reading aloud one of my favorite books today with my son's class- read Love that Dog by Sharon Creech to them. I never tire of this book. I have most of it memorized. I adored the conversations once I was done about how the students felt about the book, cared about the character, how they enjoyed the entries in the book, how they followed the storyline... (they just finished an inquiry unit on the arts, connects to novels in verse perfectly)...  My favorite moment was chatting with one group of kids about how they loved Sharon Creech's book Heartbeat which they read for Battle of the Books this year and another group of kids came and told me they loved Walk Two Moons and then another group begged me to get Hate that Cat- the sequel to Love that Dog for the library (shocked I didn't buy it already)... Oh to love an author and have a little money left in my book budget to fulfill kids' wishes!
I received the most beautiful, supportive letter from Sharon about a month ago that really touched my heart... she's such a wonderful, thoughtful person. Have opened/read the letter many times since receiving it. It is like looking at a piece of art, lifts my spirits. Love that I can connect with her and other fantastic authors online... such a lucky person I am...

Enjoyed actually getting to treatment early today because of a lovely car ride from a friend and immediately going to treatment early and heading home at a decent time. Especially appreciated the bonus of meeting up with my kiddo on the minibus on the way home. Fun to catch up with him at the end of the school day. He was thrilled.

My good friend sent me this post I found quite helpful for thinking about future scans and stopping myself from worrying... She always sends the best advice:
10 Tips for Coping with Scanxiety:
http://www.curetoday.com/community/tori-tomalia/2015/02/10-tips-for-coping-with-scanxiety?utm_source=Informz&utm_medium=Cure+Today&utm_campaign=CURExtra+email+2-18-15

This blog post upset and inspired me simultaneously: "As I lay dying":
http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-becklund-breast-cancer-komen-20150222-story.html#page=1

Two more treatments this week, two more work days... Next week, last two treatments and then some recovery...

Enjoying each day for the gift it is, sometimes zoning out a little more but pacing myself best I can.
Thanks for journeying all...

Number 10 Chemo, getting there

Number 10, can't believe it has been so long... or so short in terms of life journeys...
Chemo #10 is a 1 dose deal. Two more after that and then possibly more??! Shall see.

I watched a TED talk that was extremely interesting about whether what we eat can starve cancer cells. I certainly have changed my diet completely and know that it has made me feel better (mostly, sometimes I really miss certain foods) and I know it helps me overall...

I found this lecture fascinating. It mentions one of the chemo drugs I'm getting and I find that preventative is much better than reactive. I also know that cancer is NOT my fault. It is happening to me but I didn't welcome it simply by eating the wrong foods or moving to Hong Kong. It has occurred. It sucks. But if there is a way for my friends to adopt a few new foods into their diet to keep cancer from growing, heck, go for it, right?!

So, I'm doing a little better. Thank goodness. Got to appointments, admittedly shakey and weak but I got there. I also have little goals to look forward to, or are they major ones? Work, travel, family time... shall see. I am anticipating and getting over the fear of the PET scan. Not so thrilled that sugar and radiation is going to be pushed into my body again... not thrilled that I have to go hide in a room for an hour to stay away from others so that I don't poison them with the radiation going thru my body... not thrilled that my future rides on the test results... but I'm having faith that if a tumor lights up the scanner, it is due to it dying off from the chemotherapy and what is lighting up is scar tissue. That I'm healing. That this poisonous chemotherapy is doing what it needs to in my body. Having faith.

William Li- Can we eat to starve cancer? https://www.ted.com/talks/william_li#t-1186611

I especially liked this chart. I take a lot of these cancer fighters into my body on a daily basis, I really really hope you dear people do as well:
http://tedconfblog.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/antiangiogenic.jpg?w=525&h=394

Mental Rest and Ups and Downs

Today I learned about Yoga Nidra and appreciated a friend coming by to lead me through a session. Fascinating, relaxing, peaceful. Recommended. I'll be trying it out by youtube videos as well as looking forward to working with her on it as well. Also loved catching up with my best friend thru Skype... miss her presence here but reassuring that we can always catch up.

Dealing with insurance frustrations... don't you love it when you hear those words "Um, I'll have to call you back..." and then you don't receive that call? Meh. Not worth my energy, have things ready when I do actually receive a phone call back... Same with emails as well... out of my control, letting go as best I can.

Appreciated reading this article...
http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/11/09/9-negative-thoughts-that-push-people-away-from-you/
Mostly reassuring since I haven't dealt with these thoughts very often.

This afternoon it happened AGAIN. ECH. I was laying down resting and got up to go to the door to chat and pass a book to a friend. My husband was there too. I got a loud buzzing in my head and fainted. My husband caught me... such a confusing thing. I think I got up too quick. I also think that the anti-nausea medicine is the cause for this but not certain... went back to bed and rested. Doing fine now but really glad I was taking it easy... especially glad I wasn't up and taking a walk. I get that for this time I got up too quick... the last two times I was walking around for a while and then standing still for a while and then fainted. Hmm.

So, getting along, my worst day predicted after chemo, know things are cumulative, but not worst situation, grateful for that at least. On the countdown of treatments. Forgot to mention, I gained weight again this past week (woot) - I still find it funny that I'm celebrating weight gain but so be it. Part of life at this time.

Here's two Yoga Nidra YouTube videos I'm planning to make time for in the mornings.
http://youtu.be/E4fO1istXvo - Yoga Nidra for beginners
http://youtu.be/WN6q9xQHojI - Yoga Nidra for intermediate

Special moments

I'm officially blaming things on chemo brain now... my brain is click click clicking but it is often clunk clunk clunking... I'm mixing up days, appointments, and not remembering names of stores, etc.
Thank goodness my fingers can type quickly on my laptop to look up names and back my brain up... and when I make mistakes with appointments, people are so forgiving and flexible.
I mixed up days for the appointment to get my wig trimmed by the generous, wonderful people at Hippfish and they quickly rescheduled me for the next day. In the past I'd be mortified, especially the way I realized that I had an appointment 10 minutes before I was supposed to be there but I was still in my pajamas, whoops... but instead, I forgave myself, took a deep breath and called up Hippfish and admitted I got all mixed up. Phew. They're so kind. Plus ridiculously talented! The experts took a wig that I didn't think was really working for me and trimmed it up at the front and back making it softer on my face so that I actually like the front of the wig and then trimmed the back so that it doesn't look straggly... I now have a special place for my wig to chill out when I'm not wearing it so that it doesn't get squished, etc... Knew I loved going to Hippfish before for regular hair needs but wig needs was a different story, so happy I connected with them last Friday at the CancerLink "Look Good Feel Good" workshop... saying "Yes, thank you" is a good thing.

Love Holly Brown - yummy drinks and gelato -
great to take a break there to regain energy.

So over the past week my sister and I have relaxed, got pedicures on my crappy day, wandered around many places and did some touristy activity. I've shown Rachel many areas of Central, Admiralty, Wan Chai, Causeway Bay, Stanley Market, Peak... yet it feels like we've barely scratched the surface of Hong Kong. We're pacing ourselves so that I don't faint or crash... taking breaks and sitting down in some areas...  I'm so grateful she's here, I wouldn't get out barely at all if I didn't have such a positive, supportive person with me...  Feeling quite blessed to have the back to back visits first with my best friend Sheli and second with my wonderful sister Rachel...

A few more days with Rachel and then she's returning to Oregon. I'm loving this time we have together... Don't get me wrong, I'm dealing with many chemo side effects (besides some brain glitches) that are just no fun... the scalp is yelling at me, the nose is still bleeding- not excessively or anything, energy isn't strong, especially a few days after the treatment, the stomach is totally annoyed with me- drinking brown rice water to calm it down, and my cuts aren't healing... but honestly I'm feeling like I'm having many "normal" moments which is just a beautiful thing. *Can't blame spilling water and other liquids FOUR times on my iPhone in one day on chemo, right? My husband and sister both told me I'm just a klutz and laughed along with me... AND I just spilled again, sigh... takes talent. Really enjoying introducing Rachel to my wonderful friends here in Hong Kong... so grateful for my families at home in Oregon and here in Hong Kong. Feeling surrounded by love and support.

I was surprised when we got home from our adventures today to find a box waiting for me from a librarian friend in Oregon. Opened it and found a really cool book with vintage stories, blank pages, and a cool cover but what was special about it was the wonderful messages from my library friends from Oregon Association of School Libraries- they passed it around at a conference and also a board meeting- I miss those friends so much, loved my time throughout the year with them... the book is filled with journaled notes of love and encouragement and appreciation from friends in Oregon. Just a beautiful surprise, so grateful.

Thanks to my OASL family for the special notes!

Thanks for journeying with me... so grateful...

Companionship and collapsed vein

Chemo Week 7. This isn't something I'm getting used to. Sure there is the routine that I'm familiar with but feeling the liquid push into me sucks, every week. Most weeks I shiver and feel quite cold as the drip begins. Two drugs this time. Meh. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
I talked with the nurse about my veins today, no fun to do so but found out that one vein isn't viable anymore for chemo drip, it has collapsed. I knew it would be coming but I find it sad at the same time. Two weeks ago I could tell my veins were not happy and I had quite a bruise/quite a bit of pain.
*
So, this past week included saying goodbye after almost two weeks to my best friend Sheli who was such a godsend and wonderful companion... so grateful for the time we had together. (Thank you Sheli, love you BF, so lucky to have such a beautiful friend for over 28 years....)

Goodbye at the airport the good way, with fun photos and hugs...

*
Now we welcomed my sister Rachel for a 9 day visit. It is fabulous to have time together with her. She arrived just in time for Halloween and brought along some fun wigs. I loved walking around with a wig, quite amusing and fun. I know we look a little similar... we love to surprise people who know only one or the other of us and come into a place together. Was amusing at the oncologists office today when the nurses chuckled over our similarities... So we are exploring Hong Kong slowly together. I won't push it. In fact, after chemo today, we went to lunch at a great place SimplyLife, enjoyed a yummy salad there. We also wandered through the gardens but when we got to stairs for special areas I realized it was enough... so we headed home. See? I stopped. That's what Sheli taught me to do this past week. Can enjoy what we do without pushing too much.

Already brought Rachel to a bookstore, love our wigs... fun time...

*
My sister and I had a conversation today with my oncologist about December. He wants to do the PET scan to see how successful this chemo has been the second week in December and then wants to immediately continue with a fourth round, ARGH ARGH. This means a few more chemo sessions. But then he said he thought that I might be able to go on the family holiday trip that we'd planned. Not promising anything since much hinges on results from the PET scan... so far blood tests that do have cancer markers after the lung/lymph node surgery the cancer markers were really high but they've progressively lowered over the past month... so it's another wait and see situation. ARGH to more chemo. I knew it was probably coming, just not thrilled. Maintained weight this week, considering that a success...
*
Attended a Look Good, Feel Good workshop with my sister at CancerLink and appreciated the fashion, wig chat, and makeup demonstration. I really like the Hippfish Salon, talented people there- went before diagnosis, and know how generous it is that they volunteeer and donate their time to present to a group of interested people... so personable, friendly, knowledgeable, and friendly as well. I personally enjoyed many tips, especially the reminder that as a cancer patient (or just regular person) we should try to find non-scent/sensitive skin laundry detergent and quit using fabric softener... Wear bright colors vs black and white so that you compliment and accentuate yourself... Moisturize... Eyebrow tutorial was quite interesting, shall see if I need to do it, so far I haven't lost mine! But Rachel brought a transparency sheet with her so that I can trace my eyebrows so that I have a guide to draw them in if needed. Wigs... wigs... wigs... I've mentioned that I'm more comfortable popping fabric on my head vs. a wig. Wigs are expensive. I did buy a curly wig that is nice enough but I learned what makes me uncomfortable about the front of the wig. So I've made an appointment at Hippfish to get my wig trimmed a little bit by an expert and am curious to see how that works out. I want to just feel a little confident and comfortable.
*
Healing the past...
A friend shared this article, it really relates to what I've heard over the past few months:
http://wakeup-world.com/2014/10/27/healing-past-trauma/
*
Thanks for traveling through this journey, day by day... Have been distracted, in a good way, by life this past week so will say that when there's just one chemo drug pushed into me, I gain energy through the week and am honestly a little frustrated to have Saturday's treatment looming over me for that limit coming up... Part of life. Appreciating every day I wake up and can have a little fun.
Really missing work but enjoying books, books, and magazines.

Here's some of the recommended stuff from the Look Good Feel Good workshop:

Quality time and new headgear

There's a lot to be said for taking it easy...

Stanley Market has a vast array of selections,
quite distracting and entertaining!

The day after the adventure ie. fainting, Sheli and I both hit 10,000 steps on our Fitbits but we paced things very carefully. It was fun to show Sheli Stanley Market and my favorite restaurant over there plus we rode the Star Ferry in the evening and met up with one of my favorite Hong Kong friends, shall share about that on my other blog though... days seem to be going by quickly. Now today I didn't hit that many steps, Sheli did, but we had quite the adventure locating a building in Admiralty so I could get to my chanting class. Found it and was only 20 minutes late (we gave ourselves 25 minutes to find it, we were really puzzled... I now know how to get there easily- phew.)

So, today was the beginning of two classes that I've registered for through CancerLink... Chanting. It was something I had very little knowledge about. The chanting class was almost like a sing along for part of it, almost like a yoga beginning pose for a while, and also lovely chanting for another portion... I have quite the packet of papers from the class and will look them over during the week. I think I honestly appreciate Qigong more. Might be because I'm familiar with it and more comfortable... The most interesting part of the class for me was the closing chant we did because I noticed it was recorded/played from Zen Master Thich Naht Hanh whom I just finished reading his book You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment. Funny how things are interrelated sometimes. I appreciated the instructor's sentiment, perspective, and style, shall see how next week's class goes. The other class I'm going to attend is yoga on Friday. Shall see how that goes. I love yoga, just hoping it is a style that works for me. I really miss the Iyengar yoga form that I did for years...

My mom sent me a birthday present a while ago and it took over three weeks to arrive... but arrive it did today! Was wonderful. I now have numerous new headwraps that work well with scarves and also pretty flower clips as well... what a lovely treat. It is nice to have new options, feeling a little styling... I do love my pink hat but now have many more choices and all so breathable.  THANK YOU MOM, I LOVE YOU!!! Also, thank you to Claudia for the lovely scarf I wore today with it, received many kind compliments from fellow cancer patients at the Chanting class...

For those who want to know more about the head wrap, it is a wonderful creator who makes them and sells at Etsy- Suzanne Petrosino-Goldstein, you can wear the wrap many ways, I'm wearing it as a turban but it can also be a head covering, wide headband, or skullcap. My mom also ordered for me this cooling strip for me to wear under the head wrap if I'm feeling hot... it has little microbeads that keep it cool for a while... very nice gifts to have.

https://www.etsy.com/hk-en/shop/BasicallyWrapped

Thanks for keeping up on the journey, a little quicker share this time but... just appreciating quality time with Sheli, this is quite the gift.

Friendship Boost

Been a little quiet but that's never bad.
Still watching the daily episodes of The Truth about Cancer - they're just fascinating. Good watch each day, my favorite was today- Nature's Pharmacy. Taking notes and reflecting on what is popping up on my radar. For example, I want to learn a lot more about iodine and why it might be good for anyone to add to their supplements but especially for cancer patients. I also think I need to add more watercress, seaweed, arugula, beets, wheatgrass, and kale into my diet... I also feel like I'm understanding a little more about treatments, therapies, diets and more. One thing I'm thrilled that has become a practice for me is that I'm drinking a tea made of mint/green tea/tumeric/ginger throughout the day. I think it really is helping with nausea and many other issues that pop up with cancer patients. I'm also grateful I began oil pulling with a teaspoon of coconut oil in the morning and at night. I was pretty tired of it last week but I guess I got over the "hump" and am in the routine now again without feeling frustrated about being stuck with oil in my mouth for 10-20 minutes. Anything to avoid mouth sores and keep my gums and teeth healthy. My scalp isn't healed. But I think it is starting to get a little better with an antibiotic my oncologist put me on and his liquid treatment. For now, I'm sticking with his plan because I do see a little progress. Hair is continually coming out more... but it doesn't freak me out, just part of life. I also find it funny that what hair there is on my head is growing out a tiny bit. My nose isn't terrific but is still under control with bleeding, etc... I won't mention my stomach much right now except to say I lost a little weight, sigh, but am still trying to eat well and keep balanced with food intake. I'm wearing a face mask in public and I'm being super careful. I glare at mosquitoes that buzz by me... (seriously, I do)
Sleep isn't perfect but popping my feet up the wall each night is an appreciated routine and my body seems to be getting accustomed to it.
  

I am feeling quite boosted by my best friend Sheli's visit. She arrived yesterday afternoon. Today is normally my "bad" day. I was grateful that I woke up crazy early and was able to say goodbye to my loves before they ran off to catch a plane. Thank goodness Sheli is a completely relaxed person who doesn't put any pressure on us to accomplish anything. Instead, I was able to get back to sleep and get moving after a few hours... I still wasn't up to tip-top form but I was surprised to realize that I only took one anti-nausea pill instead of my normal one every four hours... naps are regular and accepted, my dog is sweet and snuggly, and being able to laugh, chat, and walk with Sheli around my neighborhood was just lovely.
Missing my boys... hoping they're well and having a blast right now in Beijing. I know that there will be days where there is no wifi connections so will chill and look forward to an update soon.

My determined look I guess, can't get a smile out at treatment...
This was Thursday- three drug day...

This line hurt. I still feel where I'm bruised in my vein in my hand.
It is odd but I'm just monitoring. 

Cheese! Sheli is a fabulous walking companion...
So grateful she's here...

Recent art I did...
I am enjoying creating something once in a while that I can color in...
coloring is so soothing for me presently!

Thanks for keeping up on the journey. One day at a time, grateful each time I wake up... even if it isn't the greatest day...

Over the slump? Protests, scarf tying, food, and more.

Allowed myself down time. Felt good.
Simply rested and relaxed, read and watched shows...
It's been a bit tumultuous here in Hong Kong watching the newsfeeds, kiddo home (bonus), schools closed to students- many colleagues working from home because it isn't easy to get to work with road blocks, trams closed, MTR station closures, etc. My husband has gone into work each day but this week was odd anyways since there's Wednesday and Thursday public holidays and Friday staff training day. So, my son had no school Mon/Tues and won't have school again til next Monday... he isn't complaining. We're lucky to have some of his friends around for distraction and overnight fun.

If you don't know what is going on here, there are a few articles I found helpful about these pro-democracy protests (peaceful and organized, I'm not going out in them- too many germs but am in full support of Hong Kong citizens speaking up for their right to a democratic election instead of what has been decided in Beijing:
http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/2014/09/28/hong-kong-pro-democracy-movement-gets-global-support/

There are many videos and straightforward reporting pieces. Honestly, the tear gas really scared me that first night of protests, made me worry about escalations with rubber bullets, made me think about Tiananmen Square, etc. but it has been peaceful civil disobedience since... Some friends are collecting water, ice packs, umbrellas, and more for the students and adults protesting. Other friends joined in the protests last night and today. There is a beautiful, caring, hopeful community here in Hong Kong and I'm grateful to be a part of it, even though I'm sticking inside and protecting myself from germs, etc.

My sister continually has shared touching, inspirational, and thoughtful posts with me on a daily basis.... and also some yummy recipes! Here's one with multiple recipes that gave me hope for new yummy food solutions:
http://bembu.com/homemade-protein-bars

I also appreciated that she sent me two how-to tie a headscarf videos. Both are pretty reasonable and doable... Thank you so much...

and

So... besides protests, family/kiddo time... I've been really quiet the past two days. Sunday was a wonderful day where I was just packed with energy. Monday and Tuesday were both "take the anti-nausea medicine NOW" days... every 4 hours. In the evening on Monday I didn't think I "needed" it and then my body freaked out two hours after I was supposed to take it with shakiness/almost fainting- in my bathroom, not in the MTR thank goodness... so I'm still figuring this all out. I do so hate any kind of medication but as a friend said to me, the fear of throwing up will get you to take that medicine!

Wednesday has brought this public holiday, a wonderful lunch out with friends, no anti-nausea medicine, wonderful phone call with my sister, and family time. Grateful for every minute I have... happy to be doing ok. Not pushing myself.

Watching shows here and there and laughing my way thru things. Decided that going to the Laughter Yoga session today (would have been right when I'm writing this) was a poor decision since it would have me on the MTR for 45 minutes plus taking a mini-bus somewhere over on the Kowloon side of Hong Kong where I'm happy to venture sometimes but I also have a talent for misplacing myself.... so I am hoping that backing out 24 hours in advance was ok and I'm happy to laugh with a funny show instead. I'm also beginning to read and really enjoy a book by Thich Nhat Hanh called You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment... Nice to dive into an adult book about mindfulness. I'm balancing it with a YA fantasy book which has been fun to begin called Keeper of the Realms- Crow's Revenge by Marcus Alexander.... author visit in the spring.

Food-wise, I've added back chicken, still treating it as an appetizer but I can feel the protein hit much faster at times now. Makes me happy to be giving my body what it needed. I pray I don't lose weight this week but will accept whatever comes with this treatment and know I'm trying my best. Plus I'm not having as many upset stomach issues lately... the chinese herbal medicine from my acupuncturist might be working! (I'm trying to be consistent about drinking it...) Plus I'm drinking a tea made from fresh ginger, tumeric, and peppermint tea leaves... that's feeling healthy and balanced. Drinking that one accompanied by water throughout the day. Really keeping my fluid intake up up up.

Creative wise, I had fun with two things- one- I have an art pad to doodle in now... liking that outlet. Also, I picked up yarn and a crochet hook, will be trying that out on Saturday. My husband is coming with me to chemo treatment which will be helpful. He and I love watching movies and shows together. I have 2 drugs coming this week which means around 4 hours or so... as long as everything is fine.

I also tried out something that a friend/former parent at my old school suggested. Using slippery elm bark powder mixed with coconut oil for a lotion/cure-all for my skin. Her directions were: "Mix about 1/4 cup coconut oil with 2-3 tablespoons of slippery elm bark powder and use it as a lotion."
Done. Used. Appreciating physically and mentally.
Still doing that coconut oil pull and mouth rinse throughout the day... anything to protect my mouth and body...
Not sure what my 30 year old self would think about all these extra things I'm doing but I'm glad to have outlets for expressing myself, options for treating myself, and good doctors helping me through this experience. Here's to a better day. Tomorrow is my birthday, 41, oh boy. Many family and friends have asked me what we're doing... my answer was, depends on energy! But I do know the kiddo is going for an overnight fun time with a favorite friend in the afternoon, so I can have date night with my husband! Hoping to get into Jamie Oliver's new restaurant that opened up really close to our apartment and perhaps go see a movie like Mazerunner or something... Love time with my husband. Feel lucky to have these opportunities.

Health- More Alternative Practices and Music

Note- I wrote this part 2 weeks ago! Just wasn't ready to share it, but loved every minute and have thought about this interview many times since:
I appreciated listening to this interview with Rae Leung by my wise friend Reenita who has written numerous books on Ayurvedic medicine and also a fantastic young adult book called Operation Mom that I thoroughly enjoyed and recommend to others.
http://podcast.rthk.hk/podcast/item_epi.php?pid=363&lang=en-US&id=38781

http://podcast.rthk.hk/podcast/item_epi.php?pid=363&lang=en-US&id=38976

Not only did I appreciate the interview but I also enjoyed the music that was mixed throughout the interview. Powerful thoughts and messages. I found that much of what Rae Leung, the person interviewed, had to say about her Cancer journey were things I agreed with... It was interesting to hear more about how she went to try out Bioresonance and Tapping/EFT. Interesting. Heartbreaking. Understandable.
*Loved that her #1 lesson was to learn how to be more patient... I really can appreciate this.
Learned about how she ran a project here a few years ago in Hong Kong: http://www.raerity.com/CWord/CWord.html - Looks interesting.
"When I look at cancer, I don't want to think of it as a battle, because that puts us in a combative mode every day. That creates too much stress, too much anxiety. Just to psych ourselves up for a fight every day? Then we're constantly struggling. And I don't feel like I'm struggling at all... I don't see it as a battle. I see it as an existence... And that's where I see pain can creep in and negative stressful signals can creep in..." - powerful reflection to think on.

India Arie - I am not my hair:

Melissa Ethridge - I run for life:

I sat back and looked into a few things this week. 

I am appreciating this Jewish Mindfulness Program:

https://mishkan.org/elul-week-three-forgiving-ourselves-forgiving-others

I looked into Tapping or EFT/Emotional Freedom Technique. Interesting practice. Going to see what works, fits, feels right. My good friend, cancer survivor, told me tapping really helped her deal with chemotherapy and the side effects. Think I haven't formed this as a routine yet.

Also looking further into Qigong, I need breathing exercises... must retrain my lung! (Since I wrote this, I've had two qigong sessions by a talented, thoughtful instructor at my apartment, really is a good practice, well worth the time and routine to get into.)

Finally, present day:
Every day in the morning I wake up dying to drink water... but I stop myself. I go into the bathroom and dump 2 teaspoons of coconut oil in my mouth and do 10-15 minutes of pulling. It should be more like 20 minutes but that just doesn't work out quite right yet. Then I do my swishing/gargling from the doctor- a mix of sea salt and baking soda. Plus many report that their teeth deteriorate with chemo so if pulling helps? Heck yeah, I'll do it. No fun but part of my routine. Anything I can to prevent mouth/lip/throat sores, the better. I then drink squeezed lemon in warm water with my chinese herbal medicine... every morning. There's other routines I'll share on another day.
Never heard of pulling before? You're not alone. It was new to me...
Here's a little info on it:
http://authoritynutrition.com/oil-pulling-coconut-oil/

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/08/06/health/oil-pulling/

Pulling- Months ago I asked my dentist his opinion and he said, go for it, it doesn't hurt but I don't personally believe it helps much either. So... going for it.
Happy New Year to my friends celebrating Rosh Hashanah! I wasn't at services this year but took time to reflect upon the year and appreciate all the good things that have happened. Important to do!

Chemo Reaction- A little documenting

Hope...
for future patients: preventing metastisis- which I'm presently dealing with:
http://www.businessinsider.com/scientists-cancer-spread-health-research-2014-9

So, I realized I didn't share what happened on my chemotherapy day 1 of 12 day.
Here it goes... 7 hours long...
I checked in at my oncologist's clinic and was immediately weighed and had my temperature checked. I lost two kilos which was really upsetting. Didn't think about how I had cut all my hair since the last time I was on the scale, so perhaps some of the weight loss is from hair??
Vampire time- blood was drawn and analyzed.
I checked in with my oncologist who lectured me about losing weight, this is an ongoing conversation... and also chatted about how my blood is, told me many side effects to the chemo drugs that were going to be pumped into me, discussed other things as well. I forgot to ask why he "upgraded" me from Stage 3 to Stage 4 cancer but found out later it is because of the metastasis.

Then I went to his back room. I've had my blood drawn here so often but I always said to myself, at least I don't have to do chemotherapy. Thought that one too soon.
There are comfortable chairs there. Lounge ones... good thing too since I had to sit for 7 hours. The medicine is operated through a machine plugged into the wall. You can't walk around with it!
My wonderful friend Diane who is an incredible support came around this time... she was there the entire time, we have such fascinating conversations... So grateful she was willing to be there, funny that I brought along books and magazines, never opened them.
The nurse was so lovely. Kind. Patient.
I warned her. "I don't like needles. I have to pee a lot. I'm sorry if that creates complications." She was so easy going every time I had to go to the restroom. Just stopped the meds. Removed the line going into my hand and put a cap on the tube until I got back...
First I got a line in my left hand (which sucks, I'm left handed-- has to be that way since the breast cancer and lung cancer both are in my right side).
Then saline was pumped into me to get going.
Then a little medicine was pumped in.
And a little more...
Then around 10:30 the first chemo was pushed in.
Then around 11:30 the next chemo drug.
Then a little more medicine was pumped in. (Benadryl, etc.- only thing that made me wince, that darn medicine stings when it is going in!)
My friend Susan showed up at 1pm. She wanted to visit, bring Diane lunch, and see how I was doing... plus give me a ride home afterwards, so grateful for her time. Super supportive friend.
Then 1:00-2:30 the final chemo drug. It was fascinating to meet a lab technician I'd seen for a year working in the back room on blood analysis and find out he was a Chinese medicine doctor certified and practicing in Hong Kong. He provides his service to my oncologist's patients- herbs, acupuncture, and more... wow. I'm waiting this week to see my side effects and then checking in with him on Saturday for my next round of chemo. He helped out my friend Diane which was incredible.
I ate lunch.
I was so ready to go at 2:30 when the saline was pumped thru again.
That was when the nurse began lecturing me. For 45 minutes. Seriously. My friend pointed out that I started biting my nails during that time. Why yes, I'm sleepy, tired of being in a chair, and ready to go go go... I don't want to hear about side effects now! But for fourty-five minutes I worked hard to concentrate on all the side effects and careful practices she talked about. I thought to myself, I'm better at reading this stuff, please just give me the paper... but I listened too since she would often offer her sage advice as she went over the paperwork. Unfortunately, she forgot to give me the packet (oops) she popped it back into my file record booklet so I will probably run by the clinic this week to pick it up.

After some lectures, I decided to add organic chicken back into my food plan, just treating meat as an appetizer but doing it to get more protein... I'm eating a ton of food but losing weight. I know cancer has a lot to do with it but still, doing what I need to do. A beautiful friend dropped off chicken broth (bone soup) for me to eat... will add some brown rice noodles to it and have tomorrow. So grateful.
I also enjoyed breaking the rules and eating a piece of whole wheat bread today (gasp) with avocado and smoked salmon on it- what heaven it was to eat! So...  there's the update I didn't include in my last post.

Monday- 2 days after chemo was pumped into my veins... I'm having a harder time. Honestly, I'm fatigued, gave in and admitted I was nauseous and took pills, and didn't have as much get-up-and-go energy today. Considered it a feat to eat my meals, shower, and welcome my husband home from Vietnam. He completed the mountain marathon in 12 hours! So proud of him.
I wanted to go to this workshop in the evening after dinner and thought I had enough energy to go and return. Learned a hard lesson... I attended this essential oils workshop for around 45 minutes and realized I was done. I needed to go. So they put a drop of oil on my wrists- Joy- smelled like my grandma, lovely, and I headed out. I wasn't thinking my best. I decided to go to ride the MTR home. Figured I could find a place to sit down and it was only 3 stops. Rush hour. Dream on Debbie. So, I got there, had to stand but found a place to lean and got thru two stops. Then I blacked out/fainted. On the MTR. Many people worried. One woman helped me stand up. I slightly collapsed again and people helped me exit the MTR at my exit. The lovely woman who helped me up walked me over to the guard's station and asked me what I wanted... to call the police? Heck no. (But that's a normal thing to do here.) but I said I needed to sit down. They pulled a chair out of the station for me and for five minutes I cooled off. (Was dripping with sweat.) I then realized I didn't trust my energy level so I called my husband and he came to get me. (Welcome home honey!) I was grateful to be home, humbled, and upset. I chatted with my life coach and discussed decisions, what happened and why. We agreed it was probably a combo beyond just being exhausted- I had started wearing a face mask and felt it was suffocating me. She pointed out that breathing in my CO2 probably wasn't good. I need to practice wearing it at home for a while. I had taken the nausea medicine which can get you dizzy... And I should have taken a taxi home. Lesson learned. The hard way but at least there were wonderfully helpful people around who cared enough to get me to a safe place where I was monitored.

Have snapped a few pictures lately... figured I'd share a few. You can see the clinic and even the meds... not fun but part of my days 11 to go...