Taking my time

Now I bought a little bit... think it would be quite bitter for juicing.
Must use soon! Must find a way to use this! :)

Well. I'm done with chemo for the first time in the US. So Debbie, what's different? Not too much.
1. Avastin only. It provides me hope. A little bit. Until I can get some type of immunotherapy- no I'm not giving up. If you didn't notice by now, I'm a pretty persistent bugger. :)
2. They are not only vampires collecting my blood at the beginning of a treatment, they also enjoy collecting urine. Seriously, what's with the urine collection? Every time? After insurance not covering any of those tests for over a year, I have this foreboding feeling when they are administered now... but I honestly was reassured to have a blood test after 2 months free of them.
3. They take stinking FOREVER. Seriously. Even though I had a wonderful companion (thank you Joyce, so grateful) with me who helped me be distracted, it took over 1 1/2 hours to get going and administer the Avastin. Avastin only takes 30 minutes and doesn't need any pre/post drugs (hooray!) and so the time it took for everything else really was dreadfully long in comparison to Hong Kong. Made me appreciate that private clinic that had a blood lab and pharmacy right there taking care of everything efficiently.
4. They didn't poke me twice. Seriously. I found this to be so pleasant (as pleasant as getting a needle in your arm can be...) so pleasant to be set up with the needle in my vein and a blood draw from there vs. an initial blood draw in another location. Hmm.
5. The US does a cheaper set up with the needle. I don't mind it. Just different. Less firm. Do you notice? Seriously, dinosaur bandage. And when they finished and pulled the needle out they gave me a pink heart bandage. Hah. I'll be entertained. One nurse said, "Oh, we only use the special ones for you guys." Ok. Made me chuckle...

Laughing about the dinosaurs...

6. 3 weeks in between is going to be an adjustment. Not complaining. Annoyed that I have to go a day or so before to talk about how I'm feeling when an email would simply do. I did talk with the nurse about that yesterday. Waiting to find out about location/next appointment, etc...
7. Side effects? I'm stinking moody. I wondered today why I was so low and I've decided... Avastin. I also am having terrible sleep and am off from that. Starting a new job and that learning curve of meeting new people is also something that throws me off. I have a few friends at the new school but there's just so much darn "unknown" that's in my life at the moment... working on smiling. Going to get up earlier so I can do qi gong each morning to lighten my mood. It worked before!
8. Other side effects? Meh. My poor stomach. It is not happy. At all. But it isn't too scary. Shall see. Also I noticed a tiny nose bleed on Monday but nothing since... I'm still having those annoying hot flashes (I know they're NOTHING in comparison to what my friends go thru)... thank goodness for layers. Grateful I'm not getting to the fainting stage. Watching and pacing myself carefully.

I'm a little distracted with work. Have a feeling that my posts might be stretched out and then on chemo weeks I will share more...
Here's what I've found useful/fascinating lately online:

I liked this yoga routine- one you can do in bed, going to try it out, so simple and easy:
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21395/a-relaxing-yoga-sequence-you-can-do-in-bed.html?utm_source=mbg&utm_medium=email&utm_content=daily&utm_campaign=150831-a-relaxing-yoga-sequence-you-can-do-in-bed

Appreciated watching this 60 Minutes report, my mom shared- thanks as always mom:
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/using-polio-to-kill-cancer-60-minutes/
Using Polio to kill cancer- what a fascinating possibility this is. I watched 3 videos through this link.

Hope for the future: messing around with MicroRNAs:
http://m.dailykos.com/story/2015/08/27/1416021/-Breakthrough-in-cancer-research-Off-switch-on-cancer-cells-may-have-been-found?detail=facebook

Hmm, this is quite the claim:
http://www.healthyfoodhouse.com/amazing-herb-kills-cancer-cells-in-just-16-hours/
Hmm.

Thanks as always for journeying with me...

Just a quick check in...

Weekends are helpful. Healing has been my focus.
This morning I got up early and volunteered thru midday at a tournament of the minds competition. My son attended as part of his school team but I didn't get to see him compete, just got to judge a bunch of other teams which was just fine, I like helping out...
I came home after a long walk with my son through Kowloon to Mong Kok (30 minutes, humid day) and then an MTR ride home and pretty much rested for the afternoon focusing my energy on this paperwork I committed to reviewing and providing feedback for online... So. Tomorrow. Rest. Grateful for a playdate and a patient husband who wants me to rest. And a kiddo who's excited to go for a playdate, etc.
I missed yoga today, sad but part of life when you have activities. Hoping to go next week.

Went online and found an interesting article on healing chakras...
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/06/the-ultimate-guide-to-self-healing-with-yoga-chakras/
I know this is my chakrah I need to heal:

4th Chakra

Location: Heart/center of chest
Sanskrit: Anahata/”unstruck sound”
Color: green
Element: air
Issues: love, friendship, kindness, forgiveness, devotion, generosity
Associated with: thymus gland, lungs, hands, heart, blood; immune and endocrine systems.
Governs: love, compassion, unconditional acceptance
Malfunction: high blood pressure, respiratory problems, heart and lung problems, feeling heartbroken

Healing Techniques

Music: classical, heart chakra playlistAffirmations: I am fresh. I am clean. I am unstruck. I am unstuck. I am loving. I am loved.
Poses: standing back bend, camel, reverse warrior, triangle, bridge, wheel
Connect with: the heart, the breath, the wind, maitriPranayama: full yogic breath
Practice: Bhakti yoga, yin yoga, restorative yoga
Meditation: forgiveness, Metta/loving kindness

A dear friend just got through surgery and I'm so relieved. It was six months of waiting for a surgery and she's been on my mind heavily. So happy for a successful surgery.

Waking up every morning and still feeling grateful. Appreciating life. Happy to be here on earth... I'll work on those affirmations though. Not certain about the yoga poses...
Will work on forgiveness as well. Dealt with a little disappointment with someone this week and working to refocus on forgiveness vs. feeling anger... plus feeling pity...
Been appreciating practicing qigong breathing exercises this week. Morning and night I've been giving time to it.
The coughing has not eased up yet. Annoying. Really annoying. Taking meds, being patient.
Going to see my oncologist on Monday. He's taking blood, checking on me, etc...
Then I'll find out when my next/last chemo round is... 8 more hours... I started doing art in focus of that day. That last day.
Going to refocus on reading and blogging for a little while. Sleep and rest as well. My sweet dog is still a little off, we're not certain what is wrong but think it is a little more than old age so probably bringing her to the vet soon.
Fridge seems to be working still, grateful for that. Plus it is nice to have a new washing machine...

Pretty quiet post.
Thanks for journeying with me...

Pulling Rabbits out of Hats and #13 Chemo

Feeling a little... tired of my oncologist. Think a break is in order- 8 days away. It hit me last night that I haven't been away from home for four months. I know many people don't get to travel/get away from home at all for years, but for me, I think I'm going a little stir crazy and am so excited to get away a bit.

Today my "counts" were done. Not happy. Not thrilled. Have to go back quickly tomorrow morning for an injection of Neulastim to help boost my white blood cell production. Heard it will hurt in joints, will take some medicine for that as well. I can sneak this treatment in right before my kiddo's birthday celebration...
http://www.neulastim.co.nz/what-you-need-to-know/
I did gain weight, I am quite pleased with my progress. The wonderful oncologist nurse who is the most honest and helpful bluntly said to me, "You know, that could be water retention from the Taxal you're on, so let's keep an eye on that..." sigh. I'm still eating double at most meals and trying my best to get healthy food into my system. Stomach isn't always lovely but it is fluxuating.

So, I talked with my oncologist about treatment, gave him the article I'm curious about, and began my 4th round of chemo. Took a really long time, enjoyed a podcast and reading an eBook and snoozing since I was on my own this time. 8:30-2:30... (Good I was on my own though, another day of 6 chemo patients all lined up getting treatment...) I was able to catch the MTR over to my last yoga class with the instructor I like/respect. Have notes, will try to keep up with practices shared. Mindful walking is a good one that I can do anytime with a focus on breathing and peacefulness.

My oncologist pulled another rabbit out of a hat. Super frustrated but so much is unknown you never know. He said today, "So after you're finished with radiation, I would like to do two more rounds of chemotherapy if your body can handle it." I honestly squawked a little and he acted like we'd talked about this before. Hmm. (Husband mentioned that he didn't remember anything about this... Glad I'm not going nuts.) He pointed out that this 4th round is to shrink the tumor and then a 5th and 6th round would be for cleaning up any cancer cells ping ponging around in my body after radiation. Not sure about this white blood cell count going down. Shall see how I'm doing and take things carefully, no assumptions needed.

I'm honestly feeling pretty strong although a few people at the yoga session mentioned I was pale. I think anyone would be pale after sitting in a chair getting chemicals pumped into their body and then speed walking around Central to make it to a yoga class. Shall take it carefully next week. Have permission note to return to work next Wednesday-Friday working full time, then continuing after the holiday. Will take things one day at a time, can't worry about what I don't know, can't fret about energy, will just stay positive about getting to work and enjoy being around people I've missed for three months. My concern is dealing with negative nellies and having to redirect their conversation with their worries about me in every interaction. Already happening right and left and it isn't what I'd like to have conversations about... staying positive is what I want. Shall see, can't control others and their worries, assumptions, and caring concerns. Can just control my reactions, right? I know people have the best of intentions and I also know some will be assuming/wondering things like, "What is Debbie doing back at work? Is she going to faint on us? Can she handle the workload/teaching? Isn't her immune system to weak too be around a school?" I have no idea, can just have positive attitude and enjoy time there with the best of intentions to fulfill work obligations and keep my health as a priority simultaneously. My kiddo has been faithfully introducing germs my way as is my husband who works at another school, so not assuming anything, just going to be careful. Might be slipping a mask on when I see an especially sick group of kiddos, already wrote to my wonderful school nurse and asked for hand sanitizer which I will be applying throughout out the day! I already have things sorted a bit for instruction and am looking forward to catching up with students and staff.

Received this lovely scarf/hat from a wonderful friend- 

thanks Debra, perfect timing as it is getting a little chilly now.

I actually went to the store the other day and picked up a few pairs of leggings/pants since I was swimming in pairs I have and a little desperate for different selections, 

so happy to find ones that actually fit.

*Yes, I'm noticing my eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning,
part of life... Happy to be here.

Thanks for journeying with me...

Ears a listening....

Going thru the days with a little purpose, focus... taking things carefully.
Not living in fear but awareness over the fact that I've fainted a few times and I do not want that to occur again nor do I want to be alone if it occurs.
Side effects are slightly less this week. I'm feeling a little stronger. I think... but I'm not pushing myself. My stomach totally is not thrilled with chemotherapy, it won't calm down... but I'm still consistent with medicine/natural treatment. Not so thrilled with rice water but I'm drinking it. Nose isn't happy with the medicine, dealing with many bloody noses but not terrible, will look forward to this lessening eventually.

A wonderful friend suggested I listen to a podcast and then I read about it in a magazine and then another friend told me I'd enjoy it...- that's hard because I love my audiobooks and was in the middle of a really good book. But today I was lost in the podcast- Serial - http://serialpodcast.org/ - now complete and waiting til December for the next airing, fascinating... what research and detail involved.

I'm still trying Yoga Nidra which is peaceful. The friend who has been so sweet coming every week to help me with this practice suggested I listen to a new group, so I am- Edo and Jo... Lovely voices together. http://www.edoandjo.com/kirtan-alive A little bit like the chanting and mantras I've been getting accustomed to in the chanting and yoga class.

My hair is growing out- what there is of the hair... shall see if/when more hair begins growing. Kiddo is amused by the whisps that are growing out. I'm watching and noticing more grey than brown but what's new about that? My body has been in crisis for a while, of course the hair will be grey...

Treatment this Saturday will be 2 doses... and then I'll have a PET scan... then one more official treatment the following Saturday. Shall see what happens after that...

Mental Rest and Ups and Downs

Today I learned about Yoga Nidra and appreciated a friend coming by to lead me through a session. Fascinating, relaxing, peaceful. Recommended. I'll be trying it out by youtube videos as well as looking forward to working with her on it as well. Also loved catching up with my best friend thru Skype... miss her presence here but reassuring that we can always catch up.

Dealing with insurance frustrations... don't you love it when you hear those words "Um, I'll have to call you back..." and then you don't receive that call? Meh. Not worth my energy, have things ready when I do actually receive a phone call back... Same with emails as well... out of my control, letting go as best I can.

Appreciated reading this article...
http://www.marcandangel.com/2014/11/09/9-negative-thoughts-that-push-people-away-from-you/
Mostly reassuring since I haven't dealt with these thoughts very often.

This afternoon it happened AGAIN. ECH. I was laying down resting and got up to go to the door to chat and pass a book to a friend. My husband was there too. I got a loud buzzing in my head and fainted. My husband caught me... such a confusing thing. I think I got up too quick. I also think that the anti-nausea medicine is the cause for this but not certain... went back to bed and rested. Doing fine now but really glad I was taking it easy... especially glad I wasn't up and taking a walk. I get that for this time I got up too quick... the last two times I was walking around for a while and then standing still for a while and then fainted. Hmm.

So, getting along, my worst day predicted after chemo, know things are cumulative, but not worst situation, grateful for that at least. On the countdown of treatments. Forgot to mention, I gained weight again this past week (woot) - I still find it funny that I'm celebrating weight gain but so be it. Part of life at this time.

Here's two Yoga Nidra YouTube videos I'm planning to make time for in the mornings.
http://youtu.be/E4fO1istXvo - Yoga Nidra for beginners
http://youtu.be/WN6q9xQHojI - Yoga Nidra for intermediate