No work yet, missed? 1.5 weeks...

Hair is growing!

I love spending time at home, with my dog, with my mom, but really and truly, I really had hoped I'd be back at work this week. I was so wrong. This optimistic nurse on Saturday said we're getting you sorted out so that you can get right back into work come Monday. That did not happen.
I had to advocate for myself in an aggressive manner this time. So, thought I'd share some of the communication... but honestly when I think about it now, it wasn't as terrible.... oh yes, it was... but I didn't have to write everything I did to the nurses... I admit that...

Sunday I felt fully debilitated. I was hunched over in pain. Couldn't stand up straight. Couldn't get comfortable in bed. Was in simply terrible pain. And I was so sick of doctors offices by this point...

I sent this message on Sunday evening:

Me:
The feeding tube is working well, I'm up to the suggested amount of food and water but I am in frequent internal pain. Unsure if the tube is pushing at something inside but I can't walk without being hunched over in pain and I can't lay down without massive painful muscle spasms. The incision site is clean.
Not sure who to contact. Frustrated and concerned.
The home nurse was helpful but did not trim the tube hardly at all so I am taping up a really long tube which is frustrating as well. It is at least 8 inches long.
Would love advice. Children's Liquid Tylenol helped a miniscule amount but I'd like to focus my energy on being strong for the Nivolumab to do what it needs to do. Don't think my stomach muscles have relaxed in at least 12 hours.
==

Then on Monday I had these interactions:

===

Nurse: Hello,
As I mentioned on our phone call, Dr. ___ would like to to follow up regarding the pain from the PEG tube with the GI team that inserted the PEG on Friday. She is not concerned with you taking the Children's Tylenol for breakthrough pain, and encourages you take this as ordered for pain.
You may want to use heat, or cold, to your abdomin to help ease the cramping.
We hope this resolves your discomfort.

===

Me: Thank you,
I know this is more than just discomfort. I've had a hysterectomy, a partial lung removal, a lumpectomy. I've had drains before in me for days. I've had pain before. I'm good dealing with pain. Honest. This is debilitating. I cannot stand up straight. I cannot walk without pain. I cannot lay down without taking 10 minutes to situate myself. This is more that just discomfort. I am very concerned. Please help. Pleading now.
I honestly think someone should actually look at me instead of telling me to use a heating/cooling pad. I depend on my job. I had to take another sick day. I'm very concerned that I'm still stuck in bed.

===
Nurse: Hi again,
I noticed this message because it was under Dr. ____ but the provider who placed your PEG tube was Dr. ____  so I will be sending the message to her team to follow up with you.
Take care, ___

===

Nurse: Hello,
This is P___, RN of Dr. ___.
I am sorry I haven't been able to reach you via phone but I discussed with Dr. ___ and she believes you should be evaluated in the Emergency department in regards to your debilitating PEG pain.
You might need a CT-scan and the GI fellow on call can see you in person there.
We want to make sure you are safe.
___ RN

===

Me: Thank you. I am waiting at the ER. Honestly feel like I'm being punished being sent to the ER for speaking up for myself.
I've never been sent to the ER in the two + years I've dealt with cancer.
The germs and exposure here in addition to wait time for goodness knows how long is not pleasant. I just had chemo/immunotherapy treatment on Saturday. I was told to avoid germs.
But I'm doing as I've been told.
Thank you.
======

Nurse: I am sorry you feel this way Debbie, but we don't know what could be wrong unless somebody lays eyes on you. Unfortunately, at a clinic setting we don't have the ability to see patient for urgent evaluations that your stated pain warrants.
I hope you can be seen soon in ED.
Sincerely,
___ RN

======

Posted this after the ER visit:

Home from ER after 4 hours. Glad I got seen instead of accepting being put off by doctors but man I didn't enjoy the ER much. 
I found out I'm a special case (go figure). I'm 1 in 10 patients who have a feeding tube complication of basically a charley horse/massive pain at the incision area where they cut thru my abdominal wall/muscle/nerve. So pain should subside soon enough (they said 4 or so days) So relieved to have an answer. Pain meds might help. Thanks to all concerned. Just chilling out at home and appreciating my parents who have been thru too many days of my medical mishap lately.

===

So, that was Monday. Now it is Saturday.

Today, Saturday, is the FIRST day I am able to easily get up/move around/have energy/almost feel like "me". Seriously. That's 8 days after the procedure that I was supposed to recover from within 24 hours. Harumph.

I missed work all week including a costume book character celebration (broke my heart to miss), a book fair (I've missed book fairs for the 3 years in Hong Kong and was so upset to miss my first one at my new school, everything went smooth because there's an amazing team/staff who manage it but MAN I hated to miss it...)

Bah. 

Hooray for feeling a little human.

Not fond of the formula I'm on but yesterday I went with my mom to my naturopath and we discussed how to make my own healthy formula packed with greens, vitamins, healthy energy mix, etc. Looking forward to trying out soon. 

What am I dealing with now? Pain- if I cough, heaven forbid. I'm pretty debilitated if I cough. My recovery time from a coughing fit is much quicker though. Not quite standing up straight but MUCH better than before. A mom who has watched me at my lowest and celebrated me getting around smoothly today. Pile up of emails at work and learning to let go once again.
Weight. I'm up to 115 now. Stable there. Hoping to gain more consistently, will see. Crazy to be below 130 in my opinion but I can gain it again... I'm sure I can.

VERY happy to be on Nivolumab. I'm excited and hopeful. Seriously hopeful. So grateful to people who have helped out. Receiving a book on feeding tubes and recipes, etc. last night was a gift, wonderful surprise. Kiddo getting to attend an awesome Halloween party and being so happy... plus his final soccer game today. 

So relieved to count on my parents. Relieved that my husband has a job that is turning out ok. Relieved that the kiddo is starting the after school program on Monday. Hopeful to go to work on Monday, shall see, won't push myself!

I was recommended to visit this feeding tube community:

Feeding Tube support community: (very overwhelming site)
http://oley.org/index.html

Not too much else to share.
Hair is growing out and getting unruly. Love it still but man it is starting to be an afro... want to grow it out for another month or so and then will try out getting a very light trim. Happy happy happy to have hair. So relieved the Nivolumab doesn't make my hair fall out (yes, I'd still take it if I did make my hair fall out, but I'm celebrating having hair here!)

Hooray for hope.
Thanks, as always, for journeying with me...

Researching...

Well.
Not laying down and taking things as they come.
Being proactive.
Doing research.
Tenative about some places.
Hopeful about others.

Liked articles:
http://www.newsweek.com/linkedin-cancer-354877
I like the idea of cancer treatment people connecting with one another...
Also found the link here: https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/home promising since it includes all clinical trials for cancer around the world. Searchable by type, etc. Found one I thought was hopeful, mostly.

New Cancer Survivors:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201503/the-new-cancer-survivors

So far, I'm investigating 8 options. Shall see. Slightly tired of repeating myself going over all my medical history, etc. Appreciating my oncologist's referral letter which pretty much includes it all in medical terms most seem to appreciate. Asking many questions before having any hope about any treatment option.
Concerned that my arthritis will conflict with most treatments since it is an auto-immune disorder. Also concerned with other factors, shall see.
Have 2 appointments for next week with cardio thoracic surgeon and radiation oncologist.

Enjoying time with family and friends.
Loved watching the movie Inside Out, brilliant one. Hooray for 1/2 price movies on Tuesdays at a nearby theater.

Cancer Research:
Looking into clinical trials and immunotherapy treatments in many states in the US and also in Israel.

At OHSU. Going back on Monday next week...

Plugging away and getting thru the days

Well. Got thru another week. Had a harder one, perhaps I'm pushing myself too much/expecting too much but I'm not quite feeling great. This is ok for me just making time to rest every day after work but I'm not thrilled with the pressure I feel in my chest and the odd pain I feel in my stomach area. I brought this up with my oncologist today and he said to be patient and that the pain is normal. Hmm. Chatted with him about plans for the next months. He said he actually now would like to skip giving me a PET scan and instead do the last two rounds of chemo first. Hmm. I look forward to seeing him on April 11th to find out more about his plans. I've been asked by insurance/HR people to go back to the local hospital possibly for the last two rounds of chemo treatment as the cost might be much lower. I will respect that request but if I feel that I'm compromising my health, I'll return to my oncologist. Cost is terrible and scary but honestly, I'm not taking any risks... we'll deal as needed.

I was happy about a few things, got teary eyed again about them actually- I've gained a little weight again, phew... nice to not get a lecture about eating... Plus my cancer tumor markers have gone down again a bit which I find reassuring. Darn cancer... really working hard lately to refocus my thoughts to the positives, anytime I have the negative ones creep in. Really challenging sometimes but overall I know I'm doing pretty well at keeping positive. Expected up and down days since I'm on break from treatment...

A few things to look forward to... holiday in a week and a wonderful friend joining us for most of the time, woo hoo... and then work thru the end of June... then moving home to Oregon early July! I decided to begin a countdown for the move home...  hooray to 109 days left to enjoy Hong Kong and Asia before the big move back.  Countdown

My good friend Lenore has returned to the US, sigh. It was so so wonderful to spend time with her and catch up. Grateful for the gift of time that we had together (plus fun time with other lovely friends as well during the visit)... Lenore was interviewed by another author friend/radio presenter, Reenita Malhotra Hora, during her visit on Hong Kong's radio station- RTHK, it was a fantastic interview!!
http://programme.rthk.hk/channel/radio/programme.php?name=radio3/state_of_the_art&d=2015-03-15&p=6684&e=299363&m=episode

Thanks for journeying with me...

Feeling lucky for special times with friends. Grateful... :)

Immunotherapy and Changes

Looking forward to our family trip to the Philippines, countdown, less than two weeks. I know I've mentioned it before but I'm so grateful that we're living in Hong Kong where amazing, beautiful places in Asia are at our fingertips at a reasonable price. We are going to meet some good friends when we get to the Philippines and hope to see whale sharks while we are there... and possibly other adventures. I'll take things day by day and not push myself, happy for my son and husband to have the adventures and for me to live vicariously.
Mentally readying myself for treatment this Friday morning, happy my son's birthday is Saturday (and that I'm able to shift chemo to Friday so I can focus on my son), and excited about the possibility of returning to work soon- very carefully. I miss that purposeful time getting up in the morning, talking with students, teaching, managing the library and more. I always feel like a useful person, don't get me wrong, but actual work makes me quite fulfilled. Will continue to take things one day at a time, stay positive, and enjoy life...
I've missed art a little bit lately, so reprioritizing that so that I keep up that the outlet. Enjoying reading still but there are many books I didn't get to during this time... not much of a surprise, my "to read" pile is always growing. I've noticed that the day or two after chemo my brain cannot concentrate on reading books too well. So, audiobooks sometimes work, and sometimes tv shows are the way to go... riding the waves and keeping my brain working the best I can.

A few friends and family have mentioned I need to look into immunotherapy for treatment. It is a hopeful, promising practice.
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/billionaire-doctor-fights-cancer-in-unconventional-way/
Forbes article:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/matthewherper/2014/12/07/here-is-what-60-minutes-didnt-tell-you-about-the-billionaire-who-is-trying-to-disrupt-cancer-care/?&_suid=14181084332750052996140671893954

From a hospital website: Examples of immunotherapy drugs include interferon, IL-2 and Ipilimumab, which can be used for treating melanoma; Herceptin which can be used for some breast cancers; Erbitux, Vectibix, and Avastin which can be used to treat colo-rectal cancers and others. There are many types of immunotherapies that work by a variety of mechanisms.

I'm already on Avastin as part of my chemo regimine, so I'm already receiving one immunotherapy drug- two doses left in the next round of four. http://www.avastin.com/patient - this is the drug that has that nosebleed side effect I've commented about before. I'm quite grateful that my oncologist prescribed this as part of my regimine.
Shall see what my oncologist believes is the best course of action for long term drug treatment after I'm finished with this round of chemo and radiation treatment. I have many thoughts on this to be honest and working to stay positive. Already on Tamoxifen for deterring breast cancer from returning...

Thank you for all the support - friends and family, so grateful. 

Companionship and collapsed vein

Chemo Week 7. This isn't something I'm getting used to. Sure there is the routine that I'm familiar with but feeling the liquid push into me sucks, every week. Most weeks I shiver and feel quite cold as the drip begins. Two drugs this time. Meh. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
I talked with the nurse about my veins today, no fun to do so but found out that one vein isn't viable anymore for chemo drip, it has collapsed. I knew it would be coming but I find it sad at the same time. Two weeks ago I could tell my veins were not happy and I had quite a bruise/quite a bit of pain.
*
So, this past week included saying goodbye after almost two weeks to my best friend Sheli who was such a godsend and wonderful companion... so grateful for the time we had together. (Thank you Sheli, love you BF, so lucky to have such a beautiful friend for over 28 years....)

Goodbye at the airport the good way, with fun photos and hugs...

*
Now we welcomed my sister Rachel for a 9 day visit. It is fabulous to have time together with her. She arrived just in time for Halloween and brought along some fun wigs. I loved walking around with a wig, quite amusing and fun. I know we look a little similar... we love to surprise people who know only one or the other of us and come into a place together. Was amusing at the oncologists office today when the nurses chuckled over our similarities... So we are exploring Hong Kong slowly together. I won't push it. In fact, after chemo today, we went to lunch at a great place SimplyLife, enjoyed a yummy salad there. We also wandered through the gardens but when we got to stairs for special areas I realized it was enough... so we headed home. See? I stopped. That's what Sheli taught me to do this past week. Can enjoy what we do without pushing too much.

Already brought Rachel to a bookstore, love our wigs... fun time...

*
My sister and I had a conversation today with my oncologist about December. He wants to do the PET scan to see how successful this chemo has been the second week in December and then wants to immediately continue with a fourth round, ARGH ARGH. This means a few more chemo sessions. But then he said he thought that I might be able to go on the family holiday trip that we'd planned. Not promising anything since much hinges on results from the PET scan... so far blood tests that do have cancer markers after the lung/lymph node surgery the cancer markers were really high but they've progressively lowered over the past month... so it's another wait and see situation. ARGH to more chemo. I knew it was probably coming, just not thrilled. Maintained weight this week, considering that a success...
*
Attended a Look Good, Feel Good workshop with my sister at CancerLink and appreciated the fashion, wig chat, and makeup demonstration. I really like the Hippfish Salon, talented people there- went before diagnosis, and know how generous it is that they volunteeer and donate their time to present to a group of interested people... so personable, friendly, knowledgeable, and friendly as well. I personally enjoyed many tips, especially the reminder that as a cancer patient (or just regular person) we should try to find non-scent/sensitive skin laundry detergent and quit using fabric softener... Wear bright colors vs black and white so that you compliment and accentuate yourself... Moisturize... Eyebrow tutorial was quite interesting, shall see if I need to do it, so far I haven't lost mine! But Rachel brought a transparency sheet with her so that I can trace my eyebrows so that I have a guide to draw them in if needed. Wigs... wigs... wigs... I've mentioned that I'm more comfortable popping fabric on my head vs. a wig. Wigs are expensive. I did buy a curly wig that is nice enough but I learned what makes me uncomfortable about the front of the wig. So I've made an appointment at Hippfish to get my wig trimmed a little bit by an expert and am curious to see how that works out. I want to just feel a little confident and comfortable.
*
Healing the past...
A friend shared this article, it really relates to what I've heard over the past few months:
http://wakeup-world.com/2014/10/27/healing-past-trauma/
*
Thanks for traveling through this journey, day by day... Have been distracted, in a good way, by life this past week so will say that when there's just one chemo drug pushed into me, I gain energy through the week and am honestly a little frustrated to have Saturday's treatment looming over me for that limit coming up... Part of life. Appreciating every day I wake up and can have a little fun.
Really missing work but enjoying books, books, and magazines.

Here's some of the recommended stuff from the Look Good Feel Good workshop:

Quality time and new headgear

There's a lot to be said for taking it easy...

Stanley Market has a vast array of selections,
quite distracting and entertaining!

The day after the adventure ie. fainting, Sheli and I both hit 10,000 steps on our Fitbits but we paced things very carefully. It was fun to show Sheli Stanley Market and my favorite restaurant over there plus we rode the Star Ferry in the evening and met up with one of my favorite Hong Kong friends, shall share about that on my other blog though... days seem to be going by quickly. Now today I didn't hit that many steps, Sheli did, but we had quite the adventure locating a building in Admiralty so I could get to my chanting class. Found it and was only 20 minutes late (we gave ourselves 25 minutes to find it, we were really puzzled... I now know how to get there easily- phew.)

So, today was the beginning of two classes that I've registered for through CancerLink... Chanting. It was something I had very little knowledge about. The chanting class was almost like a sing along for part of it, almost like a yoga beginning pose for a while, and also lovely chanting for another portion... I have quite the packet of papers from the class and will look them over during the week. I think I honestly appreciate Qigong more. Might be because I'm familiar with it and more comfortable... The most interesting part of the class for me was the closing chant we did because I noticed it was recorded/played from Zen Master Thich Naht Hanh whom I just finished reading his book You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment. Funny how things are interrelated sometimes. I appreciated the instructor's sentiment, perspective, and style, shall see how next week's class goes. The other class I'm going to attend is yoga on Friday. Shall see how that goes. I love yoga, just hoping it is a style that works for me. I really miss the Iyengar yoga form that I did for years...

My mom sent me a birthday present a while ago and it took over three weeks to arrive... but arrive it did today! Was wonderful. I now have numerous new headwraps that work well with scarves and also pretty flower clips as well... what a lovely treat. It is nice to have new options, feeling a little styling... I do love my pink hat but now have many more choices and all so breathable.  THANK YOU MOM, I LOVE YOU!!! Also, thank you to Claudia for the lovely scarf I wore today with it, received many kind compliments from fellow cancer patients at the Chanting class...

For those who want to know more about the head wrap, it is a wonderful creator who makes them and sells at Etsy- Suzanne Petrosino-Goldstein, you can wear the wrap many ways, I'm wearing it as a turban but it can also be a head covering, wide headband, or skullcap. My mom also ordered for me this cooling strip for me to wear under the head wrap if I'm feeling hot... it has little microbeads that keep it cool for a while... very nice gifts to have.

https://www.etsy.com/hk-en/shop/BasicallyWrapped

Thanks for keeping up on the journey, a little quicker share this time but... just appreciating quality time with Sheli, this is quite the gift.

That question: What are good things about cancer? Chemotherapy?

Just can not fully smile at chemotherapy...
Every week I take a picture and look like this.
Friends told me it was my "determined" look... I'll take that.
Sounds better than grouchy, right?

Around 11 months ago, I was recovering from my radical hysterectomy and preparing for radiation. Look at me now. Darn cervical cancer leaped into my lung and lymph nodes. Crazy. I'm staying positive, adopting even more healthy practices, and appreciating life... I do consider myself a breast cancer survivor. Funny (not so much so) that my breast cancer March-May '14 feels more like a blip now that I'm dealing with chemo, etc.

A little bit ago a good friend asked me to reflect on cancer and what the positives were of having it. Honestly, cancer totally sucks. But I can try to find the 'silver linings' of cancer... I certainly appreciate life more. I've learned many new things. I learned about how to be a better friend, wife, mom and person. I learned how to prioritize my needs and celebrate success before I move to the next project. I learned how to give myself a break and appreciate myself. I learned about Qigong, mindfulness, pulling, and more healthy practices. I learned to be responsible for myself by creating an id tag with contact numbers and chemotherapy drugs listed on it so that if there is an emergency, I have it there ready to point at. I hope I'll continue growing as a person and survive for many many years to come without the need for my body to add any more cancer crisis situations in.

Last year in November when I was finishing my first experience with radiation treatment I began a list of positives dealing with radiation. I continued adding to that list of positives in May when I was getting radiation treatment for breast cancer. I tried to have a little humor and looked for the positives... I like looking over this list even though I dread dealing with radiation again after chemotherapy finishes this time. Shall see...
http://lifesjourneyinterrupted.blogspot.hk/2014/08/positives-about-radiation-list.html

I went in for my fourth chemotherapy session in the morning. 1/3 of the way through. I gained weight, again! Was so exciting, did a happy dance. My oncologist told me he liked my facial color and thought I was doing well, besides the side effects. But, I'm not enjoying chemotherapy, all three drugs go in again next week and I know that I've had a harder reaction with the three combined and that this week was really the peak of my recovery from that first round. I'm not thrilled to see how my body is freaking out with bloody noses, scalp shedding hair, nausea, crap immune system, and fatigue/weakness slowing me down. I do appreciate that I'm learning how to better listen to my body. That's a really good thing but honestly, I don't feel like I ever abused my body. I enjoyed exercise- especially dancing, ate mostly healthy (chocolate and sweets admitted), and have always been a pretty positive person... Hmm. Just not so lucky with TWO cancers that wreak havoc on my body.

Here's the beginning list of what are mostly positives about chemotherapy:
1. You can see an oncologist frequently and receive instant answers to questions.
2. You get 1:1 attention with nurses and more.
3. There are mostly good anti-nausea medications that help.
4. Sometimes you don't lose your appetite throughout the whole week.
5. You certainly have a chance to lose weight depending on medication and reactions...
6. New routines are adopted such as gargling, pulling, etc.
7. You become keenly self aware of your body and organized logging your medicine intake and reactions to chemotherapy.
8. You get new social resouces such as CancerLink here in Hong Kong.
9. Short hair revelations- can live with it and probably handle being bald.
10. You can play a guessing game about where the chemo will go into your hand each week. Sometimes there are some angles and different veins chosen!
11. You are forced to slow down, not a terrible thing to be given that time.
12. Sitting quietly can be peaceful.
13. You might find more interesting reading material and learn quite a bit about chemotherapy, drugs you're getting, and more.
14. There is an end in sight, it is possible to get through this, day by day.
15. Learn that you can ask for help and get it even from strangers if you faint on the MTR.
16. People in the chemotherapy room can empathize with your situation.
17. You can see yourself like a science experiment and try out multiple experiments to help heal yourself.
18. Learn about different friends strengths who can help out... and learn how to ask for help.
19. You value time with friends and family and learn again about prioritizing.
20. You feel no guilt when eating and prioritizing weight gain. *Funny to be excited about gaining weight!

That's the random mix I have so far on chemotherapy, it is possible to find positives, even if I'd never in a million years want anyone to deal with it themselves.
I'm grateful, growing, learning, and appreciating life... one day at a time. Thanks for journeying with me...

Over the slump? Protests, scarf tying, food, and more.

Allowed myself down time. Felt good.
Simply rested and relaxed, read and watched shows...
It's been a bit tumultuous here in Hong Kong watching the newsfeeds, kiddo home (bonus), schools closed to students- many colleagues working from home because it isn't easy to get to work with road blocks, trams closed, MTR station closures, etc. My husband has gone into work each day but this week was odd anyways since there's Wednesday and Thursday public holidays and Friday staff training day. So, my son had no school Mon/Tues and won't have school again til next Monday... he isn't complaining. We're lucky to have some of his friends around for distraction and overnight fun.

If you don't know what is going on here, there are a few articles I found helpful about these pro-democracy protests (peaceful and organized, I'm not going out in them- too many germs but am in full support of Hong Kong citizens speaking up for their right to a democratic election instead of what has been decided in Beijing:
http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/2014/09/28/hong-kong-pro-democracy-movement-gets-global-support/

There are many videos and straightforward reporting pieces. Honestly, the tear gas really scared me that first night of protests, made me worry about escalations with rubber bullets, made me think about Tiananmen Square, etc. but it has been peaceful civil disobedience since... Some friends are collecting water, ice packs, umbrellas, and more for the students and adults protesting. Other friends joined in the protests last night and today. There is a beautiful, caring, hopeful community here in Hong Kong and I'm grateful to be a part of it, even though I'm sticking inside and protecting myself from germs, etc.

My sister continually has shared touching, inspirational, and thoughtful posts with me on a daily basis.... and also some yummy recipes! Here's one with multiple recipes that gave me hope for new yummy food solutions:
http://bembu.com/homemade-protein-bars

I also appreciated that she sent me two how-to tie a headscarf videos. Both are pretty reasonable and doable... Thank you so much...

and

So... besides protests, family/kiddo time... I've been really quiet the past two days. Sunday was a wonderful day where I was just packed with energy. Monday and Tuesday were both "take the anti-nausea medicine NOW" days... every 4 hours. In the evening on Monday I didn't think I "needed" it and then my body freaked out two hours after I was supposed to take it with shakiness/almost fainting- in my bathroom, not in the MTR thank goodness... so I'm still figuring this all out. I do so hate any kind of medication but as a friend said to me, the fear of throwing up will get you to take that medicine!

Wednesday has brought this public holiday, a wonderful lunch out with friends, no anti-nausea medicine, wonderful phone call with my sister, and family time. Grateful for every minute I have... happy to be doing ok. Not pushing myself.

Watching shows here and there and laughing my way thru things. Decided that going to the Laughter Yoga session today (would have been right when I'm writing this) was a poor decision since it would have me on the MTR for 45 minutes plus taking a mini-bus somewhere over on the Kowloon side of Hong Kong where I'm happy to venture sometimes but I also have a talent for misplacing myself.... so I am hoping that backing out 24 hours in advance was ok and I'm happy to laugh with a funny show instead. I'm also beginning to read and really enjoy a book by Thich Nhat Hanh called You Are Here: Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment... Nice to dive into an adult book about mindfulness. I'm balancing it with a YA fantasy book which has been fun to begin called Keeper of the Realms- Crow's Revenge by Marcus Alexander.... author visit in the spring.

Food-wise, I've added back chicken, still treating it as an appetizer but I can feel the protein hit much faster at times now. Makes me happy to be giving my body what it needed. I pray I don't lose weight this week but will accept whatever comes with this treatment and know I'm trying my best. Plus I'm not having as many upset stomach issues lately... the chinese herbal medicine from my acupuncturist might be working! (I'm trying to be consistent about drinking it...) Plus I'm drinking a tea made from fresh ginger, tumeric, and peppermint tea leaves... that's feeling healthy and balanced. Drinking that one accompanied by water throughout the day. Really keeping my fluid intake up up up.

Creative wise, I had fun with two things- one- I have an art pad to doodle in now... liking that outlet. Also, I picked up yarn and a crochet hook, will be trying that out on Saturday. My husband is coming with me to chemo treatment which will be helpful. He and I love watching movies and shows together. I have 2 drugs coming this week which means around 4 hours or so... as long as everything is fine.

I also tried out something that a friend/former parent at my old school suggested. Using slippery elm bark powder mixed with coconut oil for a lotion/cure-all for my skin. Her directions were: "Mix about 1/4 cup coconut oil with 2-3 tablespoons of slippery elm bark powder and use it as a lotion."
Done. Used. Appreciating physically and mentally.
Still doing that coconut oil pull and mouth rinse throughout the day... anything to protect my mouth and body...
Not sure what my 30 year old self would think about all these extra things I'm doing but I'm glad to have outlets for expressing myself, options for treating myself, and good doctors helping me through this experience. Here's to a better day. Tomorrow is my birthday, 41, oh boy. Many family and friends have asked me what we're doing... my answer was, depends on energy! But I do know the kiddo is going for an overnight fun time with a favorite friend in the afternoon, so I can have date night with my husband! Hoping to get into Jamie Oliver's new restaurant that opened up really close to our apartment and perhaps go see a movie like Mazerunner or something... Love time with my husband. Feel lucky to have these opportunities.

Chemo Treatment 2 of 12

Well.
Got thru another day.
No fun to go thru this.
Was grateful for the anti-nausea medicine being pumped in after the benadryl.
Only 1 of 3 meds today.
My life coach suggested I dig deep to find things that will bring me to the clinic every week. My things for this week were: audiobook of Mary Poppins- laughing, time with husband and son afterwards- anticipation, chatting with friends and ride home with friend- support, and expectation that things will hit Monday and Tuesday - hope for an ok weekend. I got there.

My friend told me that this might be an easier week since it was only 1 med but the cumulative effects will slowly make my 'bad' days worse - Monday/Tuesday. So I'll take that anti-nausea medicine quick and early and take it easy as I should.
It was only 4 hours at my oncologist's office vs 7, that was not pleasant at all but ok.
This is the week that hair might start coming out. Oh boy. At least I have many scarves, hats, and such to entertain me once I get it shaved off.
I know it is odd but I'm filling my days. I really miss work. Really miss students. Really miss connections to my colleagues. It isn't fun. I'm enjoying reading when my concentration is there. Enjoying watching shows which I don't have to work too hard at.

I'm turning 41 this Thursday. Oh boy. Turning 40 wasn't great since I had my radical hysterectomy on that day... 41? Chemo treatment effects. Grateful to be here. Grateful to have this chance to celebrate life and be with family and friends but boy, wouldn't mind that future 42 birthday being just a little easier. For me, for my family, and my friends...
A friend who is struggling for a terribly different reason posted on Facebook today something that resonated with me:

"Dear whatever doesn't kill me,
I'm strong enough now.
Thanks!"

Found the ecard of it:

I'm not down emotionally right now, actually feeling pretty positive on the day of treatment. Got to go out with my husband and son, try out a new restaurant, wander thru a few shops, pick up craft supplies at the Hong Kong version of a dollar store, and relax with a few shows with my husband tonight. Almost felt like a typical relaxing Saturday afternoon to be honest. I enjoyed every moment, even when my son and I argued over silly things and I had to apologize to my husband about being a grouch this morning when he didn't read my mind. Yes. I was angry and snappy that he didn't read my mind. I'm not a morning person in the first place. Add heading off to chemotherapy and I'm not a fun person to be around, even when I'm trying my best. Poor guy was just in his own world and not worried about me, which he shouldn't have to be 24x7. But talking it out this evening for a few minutes cleared the air, gotta talk things out!!

I went thru a few 'damn it' moments this past week. One was during pre-chemo treatment today when I found out I lost 2 more pounds. Seriously. I'm really eating a LOT and packing it in. Even ate a mini-carton of Happy Cow Coconut Vanilla ice cream tonight... But I'm still losing weight. Damn cancer. My oncologist isn't happy but told me it is normal to lose weight and to "eat". Seriously. I'm freaking eating. Even added in chicken this week which was weird to have back in my diet- treated it as an appetizer as I planned... and I added in bone soup thanks to a friend's generous sharing... My acupuncturist told me to try to drink a cup of it every day. Will try!
The other 'damn it' moment was dealing with the public hospital system for the first time. Good thing- I know what to expect now. Bad thing- I know what to expect now. Blech. I already dislike waiting, and I do have to wait a lot lately. But waiting in an uncomfortable chair, wearing a face mask, seeing 30 other cancer patients, and waiting for 2 hours and 45 minutes wasn't a thrill. The oncologist I met was knowledgeable and plenty experienced and told me that I'm a pretty special case. Yes, special, that's me, I go above and beyond. He said that he wanted me to continue to do chemotherapy through my private doctor so that we didn't interrupt the protocols already set in motion. (Ok) Then he scheduled a follow up appointment in November - scheduled for 10am but he told me to bring my lunch and expect to see him around 2-3pm, seriously!!- to see how I'm doing and whether I qualify for getting radiation through the public system. Basically, he's worried about radiation so close to where I already had it for my breast cancer treatment- me too! But as my wonderful husband said to the doctor when he said this, "Whatever it takes."

Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer - I know I don't have this but it is one of the closest things I can find to what I'm going thru since I'm such a "special" case... Appreciated this video:

And now... moving on. Day by day my friends. THANK YOU for all the support. Grateful. Grateful. Grateful...

Chemo Reaction- A little documenting

Hope...
for future patients: preventing metastisis- which I'm presently dealing with:
http://www.businessinsider.com/scientists-cancer-spread-health-research-2014-9

So, I realized I didn't share what happened on my chemotherapy day 1 of 12 day.
Here it goes... 7 hours long...
I checked in at my oncologist's clinic and was immediately weighed and had my temperature checked. I lost two kilos which was really upsetting. Didn't think about how I had cut all my hair since the last time I was on the scale, so perhaps some of the weight loss is from hair??
Vampire time- blood was drawn and analyzed.
I checked in with my oncologist who lectured me about losing weight, this is an ongoing conversation... and also chatted about how my blood is, told me many side effects to the chemo drugs that were going to be pumped into me, discussed other things as well. I forgot to ask why he "upgraded" me from Stage 3 to Stage 4 cancer but found out later it is because of the metastasis.

Then I went to his back room. I've had my blood drawn here so often but I always said to myself, at least I don't have to do chemotherapy. Thought that one too soon.
There are comfortable chairs there. Lounge ones... good thing too since I had to sit for 7 hours. The medicine is operated through a machine plugged into the wall. You can't walk around with it!
My wonderful friend Diane who is an incredible support came around this time... she was there the entire time, we have such fascinating conversations... So grateful she was willing to be there, funny that I brought along books and magazines, never opened them.
The nurse was so lovely. Kind. Patient.
I warned her. "I don't like needles. I have to pee a lot. I'm sorry if that creates complications." She was so easy going every time I had to go to the restroom. Just stopped the meds. Removed the line going into my hand and put a cap on the tube until I got back...
First I got a line in my left hand (which sucks, I'm left handed-- has to be that way since the breast cancer and lung cancer both are in my right side).
Then saline was pumped into me to get going.
Then a little medicine was pumped in.
And a little more...
Then around 10:30 the first chemo was pushed in.
Then around 11:30 the next chemo drug.
Then a little more medicine was pumped in. (Benadryl, etc.- only thing that made me wince, that darn medicine stings when it is going in!)
My friend Susan showed up at 1pm. She wanted to visit, bring Diane lunch, and see how I was doing... plus give me a ride home afterwards, so grateful for her time. Super supportive friend.
Then 1:00-2:30 the final chemo drug. It was fascinating to meet a lab technician I'd seen for a year working in the back room on blood analysis and find out he was a Chinese medicine doctor certified and practicing in Hong Kong. He provides his service to my oncologist's patients- herbs, acupuncture, and more... wow. I'm waiting this week to see my side effects and then checking in with him on Saturday for my next round of chemo. He helped out my friend Diane which was incredible.
I ate lunch.
I was so ready to go at 2:30 when the saline was pumped thru again.
That was when the nurse began lecturing me. For 45 minutes. Seriously. My friend pointed out that I started biting my nails during that time. Why yes, I'm sleepy, tired of being in a chair, and ready to go go go... I don't want to hear about side effects now! But for fourty-five minutes I worked hard to concentrate on all the side effects and careful practices she talked about. I thought to myself, I'm better at reading this stuff, please just give me the paper... but I listened too since she would often offer her sage advice as she went over the paperwork. Unfortunately, she forgot to give me the packet (oops) she popped it back into my file record booklet so I will probably run by the clinic this week to pick it up.

After some lectures, I decided to add organic chicken back into my food plan, just treating meat as an appetizer but doing it to get more protein... I'm eating a ton of food but losing weight. I know cancer has a lot to do with it but still, doing what I need to do. A beautiful friend dropped off chicken broth (bone soup) for me to eat... will add some brown rice noodles to it and have tomorrow. So grateful.
I also enjoyed breaking the rules and eating a piece of whole wheat bread today (gasp) with avocado and smoked salmon on it- what heaven it was to eat! So...  there's the update I didn't include in my last post.

Monday- 2 days after chemo was pumped into my veins... I'm having a harder time. Honestly, I'm fatigued, gave in and admitted I was nauseous and took pills, and didn't have as much get-up-and-go energy today. Considered it a feat to eat my meals, shower, and welcome my husband home from Vietnam. He completed the mountain marathon in 12 hours! So proud of him.
I wanted to go to this workshop in the evening after dinner and thought I had enough energy to go and return. Learned a hard lesson... I attended this essential oils workshop for around 45 minutes and realized I was done. I needed to go. So they put a drop of oil on my wrists- Joy- smelled like my grandma, lovely, and I headed out. I wasn't thinking my best. I decided to go to ride the MTR home. Figured I could find a place to sit down and it was only 3 stops. Rush hour. Dream on Debbie. So, I got there, had to stand but found a place to lean and got thru two stops. Then I blacked out/fainted. On the MTR. Many people worried. One woman helped me stand up. I slightly collapsed again and people helped me exit the MTR at my exit. The lovely woman who helped me up walked me over to the guard's station and asked me what I wanted... to call the police? Heck no. (But that's a normal thing to do here.) but I said I needed to sit down. They pulled a chair out of the station for me and for five minutes I cooled off. (Was dripping with sweat.) I then realized I didn't trust my energy level so I called my husband and he came to get me. (Welcome home honey!) I was grateful to be home, humbled, and upset. I chatted with my life coach and discussed decisions, what happened and why. We agreed it was probably a combo beyond just being exhausted- I had started wearing a face mask and felt it was suffocating me. She pointed out that breathing in my CO2 probably wasn't good. I need to practice wearing it at home for a while. I had taken the nausea medicine which can get you dizzy... And I should have taken a taxi home. Lesson learned. The hard way but at least there were wonderfully helpful people around who cared enough to get me to a safe place where I was monitored.

Have snapped a few pictures lately... figured I'd share a few. You can see the clinic and even the meds... not fun but part of my days 11 to go...

Finding inspiration, poetry, and being careful

Hmm.
Expected drama today. None. Maybe side effects from chemo are holding off for tomorrow or the next day. Odd. NOT COMPLAINING.
Felt really productive and happy today. Enjoyed visiting with some wonderful friends, had fun doing art with my kiddo, and got through the day taking rests when I felt a little fatigued. Noticed my face was flushed three times during the day (I never flush)... Hmm.
Working my way thru Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips book still, taking my time as I really am appreciating it and taking ideas to heart... and feeling reassured with things I've already done this past year. 

Funny how strong I feel when I have poison coursing through my veins and cancer cells multiplying (hopefully they're very confused and starting to die instead.)
Wrote these poems a few months ago at a writers workshop. 

Thought they still represent my thoughts about this cancer journey:

Diagnosis:

No.

No. No.

Thank god he is here with me, wouldn’t want to be the one to tell him.

Crap.

No security.

No safety.

Unsure.

Operation prep.

Leaving work.

Conversations.

Repeated conversations.

Repeating myself too many times.

Not so grateful to say I’m grateful over and over.

Happy to be alive but terrified.

Books- what do I read first?

Online Articles scare the hell out of me.

Online groups are useful.

Talking with someone is best...
Thank goodness for good friends.

  

Survive? Yes.

Thrive? Will give it a go.

Inspire? Not so sure.

Must my cancer story be so special?

Would it help or worry others to read it?

Will thinking about cancer make me worry more?

I already worry enough.

Every twinge.

Every pain.

Especially every consistent pain brings forth

an immediate worry about what could be coming.

Scans? Expensive.

Hate worrying about money.

Hate getting upset about costs.

Better to focus on outcome.

Knowledge.

Hope.

Action.
Better to focus on what I can control.

Appreciated these sites and resources - last two shared by lovely friends recently:

12 Promises You Should Make to Yourself and Keep Foreverhttp://www.marcandangel.com/2014/09/17/12-promises-you-should-make-to-yourself-and-keep-forever/

40 Ways to Create Peace of Mind
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/40-ways-to-create-peace-of-mind/

Walk in Beauty- Navajo Prayer:
http://talking-feather.com/home/walk-in-beauty-prayer-from-navajo-blessing/

Up Down Suckage

Today was one of those up/down days.
Up at 5am with a shaking dog- can't let her sleep on the bed when my husband is away!
Barely any sleep so a little more emotional and sensitive... all day.
Tomorrow is the big chemo-begins day. Been dreading it so much. Didn't help that I didn't make plans today. I made time to Skype with my parents which I enjoyed- had discussion and show and tell with the wig/hats/scarves, etc... but after that... had frustrating technology time. Wifi has been a little iffy. Will resolve sooner or later, I'm sure. Took a walk and wandered around areas of Causeway Bay which was good. Getting out of the apartment every day has always been goal one.
Received a letter from my oncologist reclassifying me as stage 4, not stage 3 which is quite upsetting for me mentally, takes me a little time to process those things... like having to have chemo every week vs. every 3 weeks... He didn't clarify this with my husband and I a week ago but I should have asked... gotta be your own advocate! So here is the official diagnosis: cancer of the cervix now with metastases to lung and mediastinal lymphatics, stage IV disease. Tomorrow- Avastin, taxol and carboplatin rounds begin. I'm going to be repeating these things tonight when I meditate and tomorrow during chemo as I remember: "I feel strengthened by the love of my friends and family." and "I can relax and let the chemotherapy work." and "Every treatment takes me another step closer towards health and recovery."
Missing wonderful husband but enjoyed Skyping with him this evening. Beautiful area at the top of a mountain in Vietnam. He pointed out to my son and I which mountains and peaks he'd be running up and down tomorrow. Still think it is wild but just so beautiful as well!
I've been getting a little down but trying to stay positive as much as I can... riding the waves day by day. Just knew today would be hard. Like pre-surgery and pre-radiation... the unknown is darn scary.
I think things are straightened out with friends, kiddo, etc. for future days. A few people will be leaned on... so many others have said, just ask, but honestly? It is hard to ask. To know to ask. To know that I need something. My best friend forced me to think about her visiting and when it would help. Forcing me think made me realize that I was quite nervous about when my husband and son are off on an adventure in Beijing in October. So, I asked if she could come then... I'm really looking forward to her visit and grateful as well. Lightens up my days and makes me hope for some good energy during treatments so that she can see fun areas of Hong Kong. Shall see. I read in Crazy Sexy Cancer in the advise for friends area that the friends that simply "do" something will be appreciated and I've noticed that those who have called and said "Ok, let's take a walk" and others that said "I'm visiting, here's a day I'm free" have really helped... Asking for anything is tremendously hard for me. I don't know why, just part of me that I'd prefer to help others vs. ask... but grateful to all who have written notes, sent messages, called, and visited... not complaining, just reflecting.
I'm excited because I signed up for a laughter yoga class like a friend recommended I go to- will be in a few weeks but will be nice to look forward to. I've been quite curious about it.
Yesterday I had my first acupuncture treatment with a new person. I appreciated his approach, reminded me of the person I went to in the US (quite a relief)... will see him next Thursday.
So...
Emotionally up, down and every which way.
I realized that this actually marks a year. A year with cancer. A year ago my world was flipped upside down. A year ago I was so relieved that the surgery went well and that I'd only have to have radiation. (surgery happened on my birthday last year, at least chemo isn't on my birthday this year... if things go well with treatment, my last one will be on my sister's birthday, shall want to dance together on Skype to celebrate...)  Little did I know that the cancer was bouncing around and into my lung and who knows where else... Can't believe I'm dealing with this all again with the financial stress, insurance worries, and more added to this mess. My husband thinks things will all work out but I admit, I'm so concerned.
I think cancer sucks majorly. It encompases too many of my thoughts. I love chatting with friends, reading, watching shows, and any distraction that takes me away from cancer a little bit. Still appreciating much humor and trying to surround myself with it as I go thru the days. I have Mrs. Doubtfire cued up to watch with my son tomorrow night, looking forward to laughing with him.
Tonight I'll return to a little more technology mess and then read some Crazy Sexy Cancer again, appreciating her attitude and tips. Probably finish off the night with some humor, starting a new book soon called People I want to Punch in the Throat by Jen Mann. Heard it is hilarious.

Ambulance, surgeons, wigs, police, and more

Presently, I'm quite glad that I have a fully booked week. It is helpful to distract myself at the present time.
I enjoyed free time yesterday in the morning with my son and husband when there was the T8 (typhoon level 8) warning hoisted. Eventually my husband had to head to work and the kiddo and I had an appt to get x-rays and sutures out at the surgeon's office.

Working on my patience:
I've noticed that my patience is wearing thin when I have to talk with medical people on the phone. It helps to remind myself that it is a short time period that I have to deal with it and "this too shall pass". Sometimes I think these complications are good for me to work on my patience skills, breathing skills, and communication skills...  Reminding myself how many people these individuals talk to is also helpful- if I'm kind/nice, will help other patients out.
For example:
On Monday afternoon, I got a call from my surgeon's office. They wanted to change my Tuesday appointment time from 3:45 to 2pm. Well, that was confusing as the appointment they wrote down for me was at 11am one week before. After sorting it out, I was grateful that the appointment was at 2pm since there was that T8 that came in and had most everything closed in the morning. They called two hours later to confirm the appointment that they called earlier about and took quite a bit of time clarifying everything, I grew impatient about this since I already talked with them two hours before about the same thing. Also, I was told to go at 1:30 to get an x-ray of my lungs done at another location. When I got there at 1:05, the office was closed for lunch from 1-2pm. I chuckled, called the surgeon's office, and was told to wait til 2 and then come over immediately after... It all works out. I was able to cross the street and hang out at a favorite bookstore and had unexpected relaxing time.

Surgeon time:
Visiting with my surgeon was ok. He's quite pleased with me and my progress and is now "done" with me. Good guy, talented surgeon. Asked me about new diagnosis and when I mentioned how my oncologist said that the chemo/radiation only had a 40-50% predicted success rate, he simply said "try to be more positive, I've seen patients like you before successfully battle cancer and live for a long time." I explained to him how I was staying darn positive but that he asked about the diagnosis and I was simply filling him in... but I appreciate his positive support. He gave me some ointment for the three scars, removed the final three sutures, and sent me away with many instructions. Really glad that he's happy with the progress and also grateful to be finished visiting yet another doctor. Must mention, I can recognize myself now by x-ray. Since that lower right lobe of my lung was taken out, my x-rays look quite odd. Interesting to see the changes already in three weeks since the surgery.

So, working on my skills, taking deep breaths and more...
Qigong:
At the end of the day I was able to have some lovely women over and have a class in Qigong, reminded me of Tai Chi with deeper breathing and energy focus. I'm so happy that this will be a weekly occurance, just wish I'd started this up years ago... Complimentary to yoga. I put a few YouTube videos with Qigong exercises on that page to the right of this blog post called Healthy Practice Videos to Visit.

I'm happy that I got preregistered for a yoga class and chanting class thru CancerLink. Those will start in October. Hope I have energy to go to them every week... will be healthy outlets I think.

So... appreciated accomplishments for the day.
Hair- I like touching it, soft and all that but when I look in the mirror I'm not so fond of it yet... but I'll adjust. Have had many supportive friends tell me how much they like it.

Insurance fun (NOT):
Today I met with my school foundation's human resources representative about insurance coverage. She was reassuring but I didn't receive any definitive answers... what a surprise. I have paperwork requests I'm setting up for back-up insurance and more. Shall see. Grateful there's someone supporting me there.

Overwhelming packages:
Received the prettiest hats and scarves in the mail today. Thank you to my lovely friend for passing them to me. Shall picture model soon enough. This afternoon I went to CancerLink to meet with the wig specialist to learn a little about wigs and also find out about how to wear scarves. I was really thrown trying on different wigs. Really thrown. Didn't recognize myself and wasn't so thrilled. But the woman was so kind and patient. I borrowed a wig... it is ok. Plus I received a nice pink hat and an odd skull covering for keeping me warm, protecting me from itchy wigs, and when my hair starts falling out I have another odd head covering that helps me avoid hair falling all over when the chemo effects begin...
Yesterday a friend also passed me her turban/scarves that were created for cancer patients. I'm happy I have multiple options, a good thing.

Began crying (crying is ok) this afternoon when a care package arrived from some of my beloved librarian friends from Beaverton, Oregon. Working with them was incredible over the years... dear friends... Really touched to receive so many special letters, treats, personalized gifts, and much more... I have many things to use for chemo treatments and many special things to boost my spirits. Really really overwhelmed by that box of special gifts, thoughts, and love.
*I just read in Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips by Kris Carr about how I should create a quiet place to go each day. She had one corner of her home with a cushion, candles, and things that inspired her... Think some of the care package gifts will be there.

Ambulance and Local Hospital Experience:
Tonight was a little tumultuous. Our live-in helper (my lifeline for almost everything) collapsed in pain after dinner, we're not sure why, and we called an ambulance. I rode with her to the hospital. She felt a little better after 45 minutes but then we waited an hour and a half before she was released... she has to go to the doctor tomorrow. I suspect she has kidney stones but also she's had other issues in the past and usually it is food related. While we waited for the ambulance to show up, my husband quickly zipped out to take our dog for a walk. He went to a local money exchange place and when he talked to the person about getting Vietnamese dong. The person tried to give him a poor exchange rate and then refused to give him back his money. He called the police and the person gave back money right before the police showed up... He filed a complaint. Our son was over at our wonderful neighbor-friends in the same apartment complex... Thank goodness we have friends to lean on that have a kiddo his age. He was happy to hang out with his friend.
I got home with my helper at 10pm. Glad she got care, medicine, and is now resting. Scary to see someone you care about in pain, curled up... Appreciate that an ambulance ride and emergency room care total $100 Hong Kong Dollars- that's $12 USD. In the US how much would it be? Crazytown costly, I know... But I didn't feel like the ER doctors were really knowledgeable. You must be your own advocate there. I noticed that my helper spoke up and got a referral letter so that she could go see a regular doctor... That was my first experience in an ambulance in Hong Kong (or ever for that matter) and also in a local hospital. I've been in four private hospitals here in Hong Kong for procedures. I tell you, drastic difference. I was quite entertained people watching for two hours- drunk people, vomiting people, broken ankle people, and more... did I mention I asked for a face mask immediately?

Marathon man:
So, why was my wonderful husband getting Vietnamese dong? He's going away! Tomorrow! For 5 days! I'm getting my first chemo treatment right in the middle of the time he's away! But I refused for him to cancel anything. He is a marathon person, one thing we'll never share beyond my support for him. He's going to Vietnam to participate in the Vietnam Mountain Marathon. Running. A marathon. In the mountains. Seriously. This is like his birthday present to himself since that's coming up the day after he returns. Curious? Here's a link to his adventure:
http://vietnammountainmarathon.com/the-challenge/
Really happy we live in a place that gives him a chance to run marathons like this. He's done marathons for a long long long time... and I admire his tenacity. Shall miss him a tremendous amount while he's gone though!

Tomorrow? Trying out a new acupuncturist. Crossing my fingers he works out for me... Have had some not-so-fabulous experiences so far here... they are expensive appointments. Want it to be worth it.

Enjoyed watching this video, interesting study: Cell Nutritionals: Pomi-T Study - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=383bzFpwJ0k

Preempting Hair Changes

Part-way thru the cut...

Grateful that I talked to experts, a few survivor friends, and read blogs and advice sites for people dealing with chemotherapy and side effects.
I've mentioned a few times that I've read about how patients who have longer hair are advised to get it cut short to help with the transition to losing hair/going bald...
Decided to do this before my first chemotherapy appointment. That appointment is this Saturday- 5 days away.
Sophie, at Tony and Guy in Central is one of the best hair stylists I've ever experienced. (And I'm really picky as a curly haired person.) Really appreciate how she handled today- I know that it wasn't just hard for me to get the hair cut... she's been invested in my hair- helping it grow, getting it to a style both of us agreed worked well for me, and now had to go thru cutting it. This was after last year when she flat out told me she'd never cut my hair short in a random conversation we were having...
So, I nervously asked Sophie a bit ago if she'd be willing to help me with this not-so-wonderful situation... Of course she said yes... She's one of those that is comforting and ridiculously talented simultaneously. I also asked my friend Amy if she'd come distract and take pictures... she's a wonderful friend that staged an intervention with another dear friend the first day I stepped foot in a community center here in Hong Kong and helped welcome me and sorted me out with doctors, hair stylists (introduced me to Sophie), and more... I appreciate her friendship tremendously. Amy came prepared with funny anecdotes, interesting things to chat about, and a talent for photographing the whole thing...
Now it is done.
Documented.
Moving on.
I think it is a lovely haircut. Not what I would have ever chosen in a different situation...
(damn cancer)
Sophie is on call for when I need to officially shave it off... as is Amy.

Husband was wonderful as always, he first said, "Well, you have your hair pulled back so often this wasn't too much different until you turn around. Almost forgot for a second." - he likes it...

Kiddo was a little tumultuous.... Yesterday I asked him to decide between a few short curly haired pictures... he chose this one:

A friend recommended that I ask him to help with the decision, appreciated the suggestion. I loved the show Felicity and was surprised by the haircut way back then on Keri Russell... which isn't appreciated by many out there but helped me look at short curly hair as a possibility.

When my sweet kiddo got home from school, we caught up and this was his reaction to the hair cut: First not really noticing, then noticing, then saying he liked it, then later saying it scared him, then tearing up and saying he never wanted me to lose my curls and long hair, then voicing concerns about me eventually going bald, then at the end of storytime together saying that he thought it was pretty and goofing around together. I knew it would be up and down and up and down for him. Love my little sensitive guy.

Somewhat of a mohawk style for a friend who suggested it... partway thru cut.
(Hardest part was actually seeing the top part of my hair cut short...)

Facebook friends are incredibly supportive... beautiful people that they are. Many told me the cut brought out my eyes, made my cheek bones more pronounced, and that I should get some fun dangly earrings. Many suggested I color my hair an outrageous color, funny idea but heck no... going to put enough poison in my body with this chemotherapy, no need to put it on my scalp as well. :)

So.
Got thru the day.
(It helped that earlier in the day I was able to go to school to see an absolutely fantastic author visit for my students with Candy Gourlay- LOVE HER BOOKS- Shine and Tall Story- and also had a long wonderful Skype visit with my best friend in Alaska....)
Positive moments keep getting me thru.

*Amy noticed that I was having a few "wow" moments right after the cut and that she expected that I'd have some to share on the blog, yup.... I do like my lists.
Here's a few things I randomly thought of since the cut:

1. I need other things to fidget with now that my hair isn't there to mess with...
2. It is fun to touch short hair.
3. When it rains, you can feel raindrops when they hit your head.
4. My hair will actually dry in less than an hour now vs. taking all day to dry.
5. I can feel every breeze now...
6. Missing the cushion of hair when leaning back, sigh.
7. Will take adjusting for how much hair product to use.
8. Washing my hair is super fast now.
9. Short hair is stinking easy... No need to think about how to style it. Just wash and whoop, you're done!
10. Curls will find their way. Right now every hair on my head is saying, "Oh My Goodness WHAT Happened? I'm FREE!" and they are having a little fun adjusting... curious to see how humidity here in Hong Kong will effect the hair...
I'll watch the changes over the next few weeks until things change with expected chemo side effects kicking in...

So ends my thoughts for today... Glad I have time to reflect. Thanks all for keeping up with me on this....