So, about this rollercoaster I'm on, I'd like a break now and then please...

Logging for a few days.
So. PET scan was fine on Thursday.
Work was fine most on Friday.
I was up most of the night Friday/Saturday.
I swallowed one pill and began coughing/vomiting and couldn't stop all day. Drank tea. Took allergy medicine... meh.
After going thru that, I wasn't thrilled with Saturday. Received a new anti-nausea med I take every 6 hours now. Sunday morning at 1:30 am I started coughing up blood along with mucus. Very disconcerting. This hasn't really ended yet... yuck.
Went to the dr.
Got two bags of fluid.
They didn't know what to do with me.
I had terrible sleep. Couldn't stop panic breathing where everytime I laid down I'd go into this breathing issue. Still an issue during the daytime.
Called to beg to see my oncologist Monday since I had a sub but she's been on holiday so she actually couldn't squeeze me in since she wants quality conversation time about the PET scan. So tomorrow I go.


PET SCAN results... 30 minute wait while my oncologist reviewed results, could have been good or bad, or both. Yep, both. Received "Mixed Results".

The one good: the tumor on my adrenal gland that was discovered in July shrunk a load, she was happy.

The other things, not so happy.
We did decide to stay the course.
I'll try my best to share what's the worrisome stuff:

1. Might have pneumonia, will get an antibiotic, likely liquid, tomorrow.
2. Mediastintum where I've been radiated/have tumor/been fighting/been cut up/operated there, etc.... is growing, more active. Plus found a new tumor area near the mass.
3. Abdomen hasn't been brought up before... could be cancer in there in the lower right quadrant, hmm.
4. Could also be peritoneal disease which is not something new for cervical cancer patients...
5. I have what's called a "Mixed Response" overall to the Nivolumab.

She also mentioned that she just got back from a conference where they discussed these checkpoint inhibitors, like Nivolumab, and how they're just not as straightforward as we'd like... and to stay the course and be patient. Guess I can do this.
She also mentioned that there sometimes are "pseudo progressors" which also she said might signal that we need to give more time.

Well, plugging away, going to be a little quiet and introspective now... Staying positive as I can. Resting where I find time. Working to get better sleep, here's hoping.
Wishing everyone well,
Thanks for journeying with me.

2 more months I'm going to stay this course, shall see. Every other week Nivolumab I believe, shall see!...

Waking up happy can be a good thing

Birthday girl with her cupcake sweater- couldn't get the cupcake
earrines in the shot, sigh... Hi to my great brother-in-law as well...

So, it has been almost two months since I began my immunotherapy, tumultous months with the stinking feeding tube added in.
Last week my friend, thanks Catherine!, found me the powdered version of pocari sweat, happy day, saves money, reduces plastic bottles, thrilled... I'm still taking in Gatorade as well... I'm so happy to be avoiding dehydration for two weeks now, it is a relief. NO bags of fluid going into my veins, hooray!! If I could say the same for the constipation and coughing I'd be thrilled but I'm working on those.
I was able to go to work all this past week which I know isn't a big deal, but for me... it was. I so enjoy having enough stamina... and also am resting at the end of each day a huge amount.
It was fun to see family this week for my sister's birthday (Happy Birthday Rachel!!!) and was weird at the same time to not see my parents after consistently during the week after having them help me so often during past weeks. Grateful for their support.

Cheese!

I'm thrilled it is December but also overwhelmed since my kiddo has a big birthday next weekend... he's such a big boy and growing so fast. So grateful to be here for it...

Today was a good day. Sure I still needed a mid-day rest. Sure I still am exhausted. I did get Nivolumab this morning with my friend Catherine. We had a good time chatting... it was the first time in a while I could actually have a sustained conversation, such a relief to be able to communicate! I also got to find some medicine that my naturopathic dr. suggested for the cough and stamina as well.

When I woke up this morning I had the realization that I now can sleep on my back again. I've been unable to do this for months- since the tumor in my back created such pressure I was in pain even lying down that way. I am taking Advil on a regular basis as my gastro-enterologist recommended, might be that reason... BUT Could this mean that the tumor is shrinking? I should hope so. Nivolumab, do your best please. I'm trying to pave the way!
I'm trying to eat. I can take little baby/bird bites and water in between and can get 1/8 of what I used to into my body- leads to a good takeaway container but still I'm not "eating" like I'd dream of... shall see. I do now weigh in at 122 pounds... super exciting, over 120 again is a start towards healthy!!

I'm working to take quiet time, meditation time, restful moments. Sometimes that's hard because all I want to do is zone out and watch a tv show, but I'm trying.

Love my mom...

I found out that my oncologist wants to do a PET scan, sigh. I was really hoping for a CT but ok. I'm scheduled for this Thursday to get one done. PET scans suck to be honest... fasting, isolation, needles, but I'll get thru yet another one- 2nd one here in Oregon, 5th one overall I've had...
The following Tuesday I'll see my oncologist and go over the results of the test. Here's hoping for good ones. I won't go alone (my mom will come, she is very good at hearing EVERYTHING said). Never again will I go alone to an appointment with PET scan results. Learned my lesson on that last August.

Well... going to rest again now. Read a few good books recently and am loving an audiobook I'm listening to... I was stuck in another one and not enjoying it- solution? Take a break.

Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season. Hanukah snuck up on us, can't believe it begins tomorrow night. Kiddo is thrilled of course. I'm just struggling to wrap presents for family in other states and think out mailing them, etc. It was fun to sort out what I bought for the holidays since I hadn't thought much about it since July. I do plan gifts way in advance...

Thanks for journeying with me!

More hope, yes thank you, immunotherapy time is coming

At the technology/Future Ready Conference on
Friday. Had to wear my shirt to show that I'm
balanced between technology and print materials.

So, something happened today that should have occurred four months ago. But I've accepted that we're simply here now.
I saw my new oncologist today.
Got very clear, honest opinions from her. Received hope, hope, hope.
My husband and I walked away saying, "Yes, this is what we need."
Shall see about that one immunotherapy drug that connects to my biopsy/Foundation I testing. It might take some time to get approval for it. My new oncologist is willing to have me get that still. BUT she's working now on getting me on what I wanted to get on 4 months ago: Nivolumab. An immunotherapy drug. It is the one that is in a phase II study for metastatic cervical cancer patients.
 http://www.chemocare.com/chemotherapy/drug-info/Nivolumab.aspx
https://www.mskcc.org/cancer-care/clinical-trials/15-116
She wants me off of Avastin. Said that it isn't really viable on its own and she doesn't find a need for it in conjunction with Nivolumab. I'm honestly thrilled with that.

I am hopeful.
I am grateful.
I am relieved.

Avastin with blue planes? afterwards. The nurse got
a lecture from me and was much more careful and
aware of what went wrong with our last session.
She used a heating pad and did the "drip" on a
different vein. No new bruises, phew. 

My brain MRI led to nothing new (thank goodness!)
My PET scan led to not too much new, although apparently I had some time of a rib fracture on my right side?! Odd information but makes sense where I was hurting for around 3 months on my right side after surgery last August. Apparently there's something that lit up on that side but shall see. My oncologist was not concerned. It wasn't highlighted as a concern.

I'm hopeful.

I do have to go and get the endoscopy on Thursday. Shall see about pain afterwards. Not thrilled. Shall see if the stint is put in. The gastro-enterologist is concerned about the fact that I got Avastin last Friday. He's not sure if I will heal well if there is any cuts internally. Shall see what he decides. I just want to swallow consistently again. I'm on Prilosec which seems to have eased some things in the morning a tiny bit- less throwing up incidents, but still having issues overall. Getting food in as much as I can but I'm now down to 118, sigh. At least it isn't more, I guess.

Bridge on our way back home on Hwy 101.

Friday was a bit busy with a tech conference, a chat with my oncologist during one break, Avastin treatment, and then meeting up for a carpool down to Coos Bay. My friend and I chatted all four hours on our way to Coos Bay, so wonderful... The doctors on Thursday had looked at me with raised eyebrows when they heard my plans for the weekend but I had faith that I'd planned things out well enough, and I think I had... I actually was able to get to the conference in Coos Bay and present on Saturday. I took a lot of breaks that day but really enjoyed every minute possible. Loved meeting up with educator/school library colleagues from around Oregon and also some beautiful, inspiring author friends as well. So many wonderful hugs exchanged, filled me with such happiness... Overwhelming a little bit, but in a good way. Sunday I slept and rested and rode home with my lovely friend who was fine with a quieter Debbie and an audiobook.

So... getting thru the days. Looking forward to a few non-medical, more work focused days. Hooray for them.

Thanks as always for journeying with me.
Here's to hope.

I loved seeing this blooming still...

5 appointments, 3 days, sheesh

Gonna miss my kiddo when I go to a conference for the weekend.
Just finished a good book with him and quickly are going to shift
to a new one... Haven't missed a storytime with him in a while... Even
the days when I'm coughing and unable to read much, we still have our
time together...

So. Yesterday I had to go get a PET scan done and I took a sick day since I knew I'd be useless at work before the scan since I had to fast for it.
The scan is still as isolating as it is in Hong Kong. Similar everything. Scans suck a little more now since I don't prefer to lay on my back since pain is ridiculously bad after 5 minutes. Having to lay on my back without taking tylenol? Very worrisome. Got thru it all just fine. I'm good at staying still. (Guess I have a little practice with 3 rounds of radiation!)
While I was isolated for an hour letting the radiation seep thru my body for the PET scan, the nurse pulled a miracle and scheduled a brain MRI a few hours after the PET scan.
I hated that MRI. I don't use the word too often but MRI contrasts suck totally. First I'm in a head cage and have to hold still while things bonk, buzz, whir, and shake all around. For 25 minutes. Then they injected a contrast into my poor overused vein and walked away. Nope. Not happening. Had to hit the panic button so that I could sit up and deal with the nausea side effect from the contrast, yuck. Got over it. They said it happens to those who are lightweight... Yup, that's me presently.  15 minutes more of laying still. Had earplugs and headphones on. Once in a while heard classical music. Hmm. Not so fun. Got thru it.
So I had to get both tests done for the new oncologist I'm seeing next Monday.

Today was interesting.
First I met the gastroenterologist and discussed my swallowing problems with him. Why not just schedule the stinking procedure? I'm not sure. Oh well. Next Thursday or Friday I'll be going thru an hour long procedure where they'll possibly put a stint into my esophagus. There's consequences, of course. It could slide. Go down into my stomach. It will likely make me hurt for 2-3 days as the stint expands. He only wants it in there for 6-8 months. Said it can create problems if it is there longer. Said that I have to sleep at an angle because I could have really bad acid reflux since there's no barrier anymore once the stent is in place.
Found this brochure about what to do after the stent is placed...
https://www.bostonscientific.com/content/dam/bostonscientific/endo/general/gastro-specialty/eso_stent_patient_nutrition.pdf

Next I met with my oncologist. Had good conversations with her. We went over the Foundation I results and she found that there was a immunotherapy drug that my tumor reacted three ways to "genomic alterations detected"... so she got permission from me (of course) and is now applying to get it for me through compassionate care.
The immunotherapy drug is called Temsirolimus.
http://www.torisel.com/how-torisel-works
I know it is normally connected to renal cell carcinoma. It is not on my oncologist's normal radar. She said it was very good that we had the Foundation I testing because it brought to light a drug that has a little promise. It is in a 2nd trial trying out treatment for gynecological cancers/cervical cancer and has shown promise. I'll take that hope.
https://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01026792
Shall see how long compassionate use application takes. I'm still seeing the new oncologist on Monday and also another oncologist on Thursday.
We also discussed other things, liquid versions of medicine, especially tylenol... Unfortunately the Tamoxifen I take is liquid form with the flavor of licorice added in, YUCK. I HATE black licorice. I HATE the seeds as well... So I'll crush that pill.
Handed her my paper work for my Advance Directive... it came in the last Hong Kong shipping package... Good to get it sorted out and make sure the hospital knows my wishes.
Grateful a friend is helping me with paperwork and such... I'm in the process of gathering what I've already got... wills, etc.

Eating is such an issue.
Had to fast yesterday for the PET scan and afterwards met my mom and had a delicious sandwich. Unfortunately around 20 minutes into my slow eating process things got... blocked up and I couldn't figure out what to do. Had to lie down at the restaurant in a booth. Blech. Took around 25 minutes or so to recover but felt like crap and barely had any interest in dinner. Needless to say when I weighed in today I'm down to 119.5. :( Very unhappy about that but will continue to try. I'm drinking protein shakes thanks to my husband making them for me in the mornings. I'm slowly going about the days. Barely able to drink a mug of warm lemon water first thing in the morning. So odd to adjust to. But I'm trying. Dinner time is a little better. Today at lunch I had delicious soup but could only get in the broth. Sigh. Shall see. Got noodles, a little chicken and more noodles in me at dinner tonight. Better than I've eaten for a few days. Thanks mostly to my mom's cooking!!

Have another Avastin infusion tomorrow. Grateful my sister is going to be with me. I love my family. So much. I'm so grateful to spend time with them. So happy I'm close by now... Makes it so apparent to me how much I missed them last year... and how many people helped be my family in Hong Kong last year. I miss those beautiful, supportive friends...

Went to the best yoga instructor ever's class yesterday. Appreciated her advice on how to help my back, throat and eyebrows. Working to not raise my eyebrows so often. I never noticed how much I use them til now and she pointed out that it adds stress that's unnecessary. Also learned about some chair poses that should help me, give me more energy... Boy I've missed her classes. Happy to sneak in one again...  after the PET and MRI it felt good to do a healthy action.

Gotta do a crazy face too mom! :)

Thanks as always for journeying with me...
Finding promise.
Holding hope close to my heart and being patient, very patient with myself.

A Little Hope? Yes, thank you.

Loved special sister time... My curls are starting to poof out!
Love each and every one of them.

Had an ok day overall. LOW energy. Caught myself falling asleep during something I found fascinating, frustrating.
Work was ok.
Went to radiologist. LONG appointment.
This is a doctor who doesn't give up.
She doesn't want to radiate any time soon. She really wants to wait since the tumor is exactly where I've had radiation before... she's concerned that the radiation won't work well and will actually further aggravate my esophagus... I understand why she's concerned and honestly appreciate it... even though I also have that attitude thinking, "darn it just zap the heck out of those tumors already!"
I told her how upset I was over the stagnant course of treatment and within an hour she found a new oncologist who is providing me with another bit of hope.
I have to go get yet another PET scan tomorrow. Oh boy. Hate those when it is at noon, takes 3 hours and I have to fast 6 hours in advance. Blech. But at least there's something happening! I also have to get a MRI brain scan soon.
Possibilities for immunotherapy are there. Shall see.
Found out there might need to be a stint placed in my esophagus... will see a specialist Thursday afternoon and find out more about that. Yikes.  Hadn't heard about getting a stint before. Glad to have a doctor who covers her bases and knows what is going on. Saw a scan of my esophagus, there really looks like it is closed up partway down it...
I appreciated getting the suggestion to sleep more at an angle to see if that can help all my swallowing/coughing issues in the mornings. Here's hoping that works. My parents passed me a pillow and my husband picked me up a few more pillows as well. He referenced The Princess and the Pea when we looked at all the pillows piled up...
Really grateful for the appointment. Amazing how much more relieved I felt after the appointment. Give me a little hope people, that's all I ask...
My radiologist even called me later in the evening to fill me in on the referral. Love how she works and thinks, really appreciate having her part of my medical team...
Caught up with my favorite massage therapist the other day, was so refreshing and helpful... Grateful.
Less pain as well.
Going to qi gong classes on most Mondays and even get to see a beautiful friend when I go to class... good incentive. Really enjoying this instructor even though it is very different from my past classes.
Shall see how the rest of the week goes.
Thanks for journeying with me...

PS My love and prayers go to the Traller family. Heartbroken after learning the news that Nathalie died last night. She provided so many with a beautiful light of energy, love and hope. She has touched so many people and will be remembered through future years... The advocacy and fundraising for ASPS and children with cancer hopefully will help future children who have this diagnosis and others. Although noone should ever have to deal with cancer. Let there be much more research for rarer forms of cancer....

Glimmers, noticing them

Tuesday afternoon:
Having glimmers of hope here and there.
Talked with a oncology nurse who is also an advocate about my case. It was enlightening.
I learned that I might not have to go thru a study to get the immunotherapy drug I'm interested in.
I learned that I might be able to get financial help to take the immunotherapy drug I'm interested in.
I learned about genetic testing/Foundation I testing to analyze exactly what is going on with my tumor(s) especially after a second cancer diagnosis.
Link to info on Foundation I testing:
http://foundationone.com/docs/FM_SpecimenGuidelines_2015-03-17.pdf?__hstc=197910000.ca54bd200688390fb3cfffed497960ad.1401198872498.1432697851762.1432747722833.28&__hssc=197910000.2.1432747722833&__hsfp=196914911


Talk about a turnaround.
I talked with a radiation oncologist today and appreciated every minute. Didn't expect to say that, but I did.
We talked about many things.
The big thing that resonated for me was that she would not want to radiate my tumor area until a year has passed from the past radiation treatment site. A year. Yes, that means the tumor is growing and worrisome, but a break from radiation. I can fully accept this.
She said if there was an increase in symptoms from the tumor then she would probably change that plan- symptoms would include a dry cough, blood cough, obstruction leading to a collapsed lung...

She plans to refer me to a genetics counselor. She said "Honestly, any time a patient has more than one cancer diagnosis, we send them to a genetic counselor." Ok, sounds wise to me...
I appreciated knowing that it is highly unlikely that I'll be dealing with an operation anytime soon. Instead I'll probably be dealing with the following things:
In August:
CT with adrenal protocol to figure out what is going on with my adrenal gland
Tissue biopsy for my tumor in my chest
Other possible tests...
In September:
Possibly another PET scan
Genetics counselor

Watching Highly Evolved Human episodes always makes me smile. Appreciate the perspective... This time he shares about how having a job was so liberating in the middle of his chemo treatment. I get that. It wasn't good for me to be home for so many months... I love being around other people and having a purpose beyond being a "cancer patient"...

I went to a link today that is a "why not?" one: blue water:

http://beforeitsnews.com/alternative/2015/07/blue-solar-water-heals-the-body-and-spirit-here-is-how-to-make-it-3191218.html
Looks like a healthy way to have a different type of drinking water! Thanks for the heads up about this Lenore! :)

Friday more thoughts- 
Ok, a few thoughts and communications have occurred.
The board met and talked about my case more.
They said that the adrenal gland and lymph nodes will be their focus presently. They want to get a biopsy of my adrenal gland and do a mutational analysis of the cells.
Then I will need to meet with a medical oncologist who wll assess targeted therapy options for me (chemo). They might want to assess whether the adrenal gland needs to be removed.
I'll also eventually see a genetic counselor (at the end of September, nothing seems to move quick here to be honest, ech.)
I'll also see a research medical oncologist eventually who will be analyizing the mutational analysis results from the adrenal gland biopsy.

Their big question is what the relationship is between the tumors- cervic, breast, lung, lymph nodes, adrenal gland... I feel like quite the case study.

Thanks for journeying with me...

Leaving, on a jet plane...

Hats are getting really challenging to wear...
90 degrees plus humidity is hard without the hat!

Well. It has been almost a week since that appointment.
I've been more conscious of what I'm feeling inside but overall, I've felt pretty darn healthy.
Hair is growing back.
Energy is mediocre (mainly because I've had hideous sleep, hoping to resolve sooner than later).
Appetite is full force, happy to be gaining some weight.
Saying goodbye left and right to wonderful, beautiful friends and people who are almost more like family to us.  It is ridiculously hard.
We've been getting rid of things and planning out packing for ages. Shipping back many boxes to save money on overweight bags, etc... Shall see how it goes tomorrow at checkin!
The boxes we shipped take TWO months to arrive in Oregon. I've decided to look on it as little happy surprises once each box arrives.
I have an appointment with my oncologist for next Tuesday. I have PET scans, a packet from my former oncologist, and x-rays all organized and ready to bring to the office before the appointment. I have a list of questions I've been accumulating in my journal book. Helps to write them down instead of festering on one thing after another.
For now, I cannot do anything about it, will just treat myself well.

Bringing our dog to the cargo shipping area...

Flying out tomorrow in the evening, so excited to head home.
Our dog flew home almost a week ago and handled the transition incredibly well. So relieved. My wonderful parents are caring for her until our return to the US. It is a little sad to see my dog's aging through my parents eyes since her sight/hearing has changed so much, plus her gait has changed... but her loving nature and wonderful companionship is still beautiful.
After way too many interviews at 11:30pm and 5:30/6am I have a new work home to head to in mid-August. Really happy to be a library/tech specialist, my passion is that combination and I look forward to meeting new students, staff, and community members.
So, overall? Feeling fine with life. Poor hand presently health-wise but shall be maintaining complimentary practices to keep a healthy focus and exploring other options when I settle in Oregon.
Thanks as always for journeying with me... Getting along. Getting about. Appreciating life. Not festering on the negatives... refocusing the mind on positives.

Going around now with this hairstyle, very very short, but so much cooler,
bearable in this heat...
So happy to have hair! :)

Goodbye empty apartment!

Whack a Mole, Results Not Terrific

YESTERDAY:
I am impatient.
It has been days.
I've been distracting myself.
Getting rid of stuff. Packing. Sorting. Selling items.
But I just want the clear scan results now.
Sigh.
I told myself today, at this time tomorrow, you'll know.
Didn't help my mind wandering.
There's so many what if's that have to be redirected at this time to the positive mantras.
Deep breath.
Calm thoughts.

Doesn't help that my wonderful husband is gone in the Philippines this week. Miss him tremendously.
There were complications while he was there and I'll be glad to simply get him home in one piece...

Results are tomorrow.
Waiting.
Hair is still growing in.
Eyebrows and eyelashes as well.
Stamina ebbs and flows. Mostly I'm overwhelmed by heat and humidity... Exhausts me as it does any normal person.

TODAY:
Thank you for the prayers, good wishes, and hope.
Received good news about work for me... will share once more official.
Grateful my husband is home in mostly one piece.
He was able to be there during the results appointment.
Well. The radiation and chemo cleared up the two worrisome areas- lung clear, lymph node near heart clear. (Clean and clear is pleasant to hear...)

Unfortunately, I have two new tumor sites.
That means two new cancer tumor areas.
One in chest cavity behind my lung by my back- on another lymph node.
One in my right adrenal gland beneath my liver.

My oncologist said that in Oregon he wouldn't recommend standard chemo since I had such a hard time the last two treatments. He thinks I might qualify for new therapy trials and would highly recommend I look into immunotherapy.

We asked if we stayed in Hong Kong what my oncologist would plan, he said radiation to the two new tumor areas to control growth but not to cure it.

So. Next? Going to see my new oncologist in Oregon the week after we move home. Have records, transfer papers and more...

Presently? In shock. Disappointed. Not too surprised. Sucks though. Cancer sucks. Feeling strong, just a little pain in my back (found out that's pretty much where one of the new tumors is located.) Wish it were different results.

My husband says that stage 4 cancer is like playing whack-a-mole. I agree.

Thanks as always for journeying with me... have a feeling this journaling is going to be continuing for quite some time...

Cha Cha Cha Chia

Last day of work, goodbye beautiful library!

It is funny to stare into mirrors. Sometimes I feel like I'm a science experiment. I've watched my hair sprouting out of my head and appreciated how resilient my body is.  It is sort of like watching a chia seed pet growing. Presently I see a shade of hair across my head more than the glaring baldness I saw before... But boy will it take a while to grow out. Decided to pop headbands on top of my head coverings lately, something different. Eyelashes are starting to grow back, slowly... eyebrows are starting to come back.

Was quite distracted this past week wrapping up work and making sure when I walked out of school on Friday I felt closure and success. Happy to be done. Hard to say good bye to everyone/everything. Kiddo had a hard time as well and began questioning why we were moving back and not staying for at least one more year. Sigh... Doing our best for him.

I've been dealing with a few too many distractions lately. Feeling ok overall but really working to focus on the positive and redirect negative thoughts and breathe, breathe, breathe.

Beach trip with kiddo to support husband's dragon boating endeavour.

In less than two weeks we move back to Oregon. Things are going quickly by... Had met up with some wonderful, special people to say goodbye... enjoying time with each one...

Pains have eased up. I quit the pain medication and am taking an anti-inflammatory that I don't plan to take for too long.  We're dealing with many bits and pieces of leaving Hong Kong presently. Paperwork and such. Happy my husband has headed out for another trip to the Philippines, his last dash to get a little more scuba diving in... the kiddo and I are enjoying time together...

Close to the end of work...

Staying focused on the positive. Clear scan, visualizing the results... Tried out a different qigong instructor and it was ok... looking forward to trying out a different instructor in the US... Shall see. Will miss my qigong instructor so much, she's been such a supportive person. We talked about how when I go to do the PET scan this coming Monday I can do qigong exercises... plus I plan to listen to a session of yoga nidra....

Grateful some friends at home are helping my parents with the move/transition of furniture and storage to our home... Exciting that some things will be in our home when we get back. Some of our belongings aren't going to arrive in Oregon for  two months... will be little treats coming home...

 Thanks as always for journeying with me... appreciating being done with work and focusing on enjoying this huge transition.

Newest picture... such a hot day but got thru the day walking walking walking.

Finding stamina increasing.

Yes, that is mandatory

Tried out new scarf tying style after watching
a video, I didn't mind it...

Today I told my oncologist that I believed that the PET scan that's happening in a little under two weeks was going to be clear. I love that he replied, "Absolutely, yes, that is mandatory." and then later after dealing with questions and wellness checks, he said "Now, I think we'll just focus on staying positive." Then he gave me the normal firm pat pat pat on my back. I really appreciate his attitude. I've been lucky to work with him.
My questions:
When will I have my PET scan? June 29th. When will I find out results? 4 days later.
Why in the world are my eyebrows coming out? It has been 5 weeks since the last chemo dose. His answer? This shouldn't continue. It isn't too out of the ordinary. (SIGH, have a feeling that the chemo meds will take a long long time to get out of my system, but on the positive side, hopefully they are helping me out while hanging out in my body!)
What can I do with pain medicine, can I just stop taking it? (I'd cut them in half for 3 days now, not feeling need to take as much as I had before... phew) The drugs are not addictive, you can just stop. (In the medication info it does say that it is addictive, so I'm glad I did it my way...)

Saying goodbye is hard. Staff goodbye...
Decided to wear a wig instead of being in yet another
hat/scarf mix... Holding back tears and sad...
but happy sad.

Job interviews and the unknown and decisions and packing and finishing work and goodbyes are... a little distracting, draining, worrisome. Repeating to myself, I will be well. Taking many long deep breaths. Things are working out. I'm doing ok.... BUT I'll be really grateful when there are less unknowns.
Now. I really appreciate how many people care about me. Today I got advice I appreciated, mostly. Hmm. Someone who mostly knows me and my ways told me that I needed to make sure I didn't overdo things in the fall because I'll still be healing for the next year. That I need to carefully make decisions about future work with that in mind. True.... but will see. Low stress is a goal. Happiness is a goal. Feeling fulfilled is a goal. Being inspired... is a goal. Shall see.
Going to be a few active days with wonderful people and wanted to give myself a little journaling time here now. Grateful to not see my oncologist as often. Expensive and important? Yes. Less feels healthier though. The nurses in the office were so kind and friendly. They're happy for me that I'm moving but acted quite reassured that I'd be back one more time... saying goodbye everywhere is... HARD.
Having fun with the students I am seeing.
Not having fun with cataloging at work, but that's just part of the job.
Enjoying time spent with colleagues though... especially my assistant.
Lucky me.
Thank you for journeying for me. Thank you for focusing on a clean scan. Really appreciate the support and positivity from my last post. Grateful grateful grateful.

Morning time... my most frequent combo-
bamboo/cotton hat with favorite scarf tied around.

Clean Scan - Support me please

Enjoyed visiting a Cat Cafe with my friend...
blogging on Styling Librarian about it in a few weeks.

I believe...

So.

I'm having a PET scan in a few weeks. Then I will have results a few days later. I believe the scan will be clear. No cancer. I need all my friends, family, loved ones to also have this thought for me. Let's take advantage of positive thoughts.

I'm feeling much better than a few weeks ago. Taking things day by day. I will be well. I am healing. It will take a while and I'll be a little different than I was before but I feel good about the future. There is so much to live for. So much to hope for. 

I want to see my son have his Bar Mitzvah. Be there for family celebrations. Watch my son graduate from High School. Attend college. Celebrate anniversaries and life events with my husband. Have new adventures. Enjoy time with friends and family... Continue a career that I'm passionate about... I have too many good things in my life and know the future is bright.

So.
Clean scan. It will be clear, all these things I've done for almost a year have been successful.
If you talk with me about the scan, focus on the positive. Believe it will be a clean scan with me.

I feel lucky because...
I can fully breath even with part of my lung removed.
My gum has healed and I might not need surgery for the area I was concerned about.
My fingernails are growing out and looking a little bit healthier.
My hair will grow back soon enough.
My energy level fluxuates but I can enjoy work without feeling like I'm going to collapse.
My stomach is feeling a little better.
I have job prospects. Shall see.
Family are excited for us to return home.
Our friends are excited for us to return home.
I have an oncologist and other team members lined up to help me once I'm home.
Things are somewhat falling into place with paperwork and moving details here. I've got good support as needed as well...

So much to be grateful for...

So.
Clean scan.
Think it.
Believe it.
Have faith and hope for me.

Thank you as always for journeying with me... grateful, grateful, grateful...

Just Exhausted

This week was good overall. I've been dealing with numerous Skype interviews for job positions in Oregon. Don't have anything I'd like to share about those interviews at this point. Just finding positive hope for the future as a teacher librarian/school library media specialist.
Visited with my oncologist this past Friday. I was happy I gained weight. I'm not happy I'm dependent on pain medication. He's happy with my progress. I've "turned the corner"... said he knows the last round of chemo was a bit aggressive and was really hard on me. He thinks June 29th PET scan will be fine. I don't have to see him for almost two weeks which is a first in many months... so many Dr. visits! Grateful insurance has at least covered the visits...
I'm presently exhausted. I know I can't control everything but am working hard to get utilities sorted at home and also in a few days I'll be dealing with closing accounts in Hong Kong... Job searches are interesting. Shall see.
Husband is dealing with my rare meltdowns... A pretty major one occurred tonight, feeling better once I have one... that release. Part of life, that being overwhelmed thing. As much as I focus on the positive and know I can't control everything, the things I can manage are piling up a bit... Thank goodness I have family and friends I can lean on at home. My parents are helping so much with everything and my sister and brother-in-law are helping a ridiculous amount as well... plus many friends helping me with the job interview/search/selection process... good to rely on them. Grateful to have people I can quickly Facetime/Skype when I'm overwhelmed.
Started shipping boxes by boat home... we'll arrive home before they do but that's ok.
Looking forward to the transition home even though every goodbye is so hard. Today we had our Jewish community final goodbye. Kiddo was fine with it but I had a hard time with it, hugs and such... such a wonderful community. So I've said goodbye to my wonderful writing community and teacher librarian community... next will be goodbyes with my cancer support group... work goodbyes will be close to the hardest... my close friend goodbyes will break me. Some friends I'm trying to see on a weekly basis because it is just so hard to imagine not seeing them consistently soon. Thank goodness for online connections... I know it isn't completely goodbye. These friends are like my family here so... will be hard but will get thru...
Thanks for journeying with me as always...

For those who like the idea of qigong, I'm planning to purchase videos from here for continued practice once I move away:
http://taichi18.com/online-video-course/silk/
Looks like I can watch many videos for free here as well:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEraxjZzHRVCvW9zqZl5bg

Quieter day

Just read thru the bits of this site on anticancer herbs.
http://www.herbs-info.com/anticancer-herbs.html
Interesting.

Had a long work day.
Wasn't very thrilled with being at work. Couldn't fake it... Counted down the hours til I could leave and go to my oncologist appointment. Not sure why.
Found out that the operation and radiation has made me susceptable to bronchitis and other lung related bugs. Know I was warned this Oh boy. So... I'll get through this. Coughing sucks but at least I will work on strengthening my immune system.
May 9th is "the last day" of chemo. We'll see. The last week in May is PET scan week.
My oncologist said today, "I know this has been hard on you but you've been strong, you're handling chemo well and you can finish this." Why, yes I can. Never doubted that. Just want to get there.

So I'm feeling quiet today. Reserved.
I read about a new app the other day and added it to my iphone. Think it is interesting, reminded me a little of Headspace app. It is called Happify. I didn't appreciate the bits of it that asked me to upgrade/spend money but I appreciated the intentional positive parts... games that are focused on making you think about positive words. Especially, I enjoyed watching a few of the videos that it had on the rainbow button, those made me chuckle...

Snuggled with kiddo. Co-wrote a story with him (it is terrible but at least I'm writing again) and I fell asleep around 4 times while reading him his bedtime story, poor thing, he kept reading aloud to get me back in place to finish. Finally he said, "Mommy, just let me read aloud this page so we can finish, I think we both need to go to sleep soon."

I know it is nuts but around 9pm I wake up. So, sigh, going to read and chill for a little while.

Taking the up days and down days. Appreciating waking up and all that jazz.
Thanks for journeying with me as always...

Plugging away and getting thru the days

Well. Got thru another week. Had a harder one, perhaps I'm pushing myself too much/expecting too much but I'm not quite feeling great. This is ok for me just making time to rest every day after work but I'm not thrilled with the pressure I feel in my chest and the odd pain I feel in my stomach area. I brought this up with my oncologist today and he said to be patient and that the pain is normal. Hmm. Chatted with him about plans for the next months. He said he actually now would like to skip giving me a PET scan and instead do the last two rounds of chemo first. Hmm. I look forward to seeing him on April 11th to find out more about his plans. I've been asked by insurance/HR people to go back to the local hospital possibly for the last two rounds of chemo treatment as the cost might be much lower. I will respect that request but if I feel that I'm compromising my health, I'll return to my oncologist. Cost is terrible and scary but honestly, I'm not taking any risks... we'll deal as needed.

I was happy about a few things, got teary eyed again about them actually- I've gained a little weight again, phew... nice to not get a lecture about eating... Plus my cancer tumor markers have gone down again a bit which I find reassuring. Darn cancer... really working hard lately to refocus my thoughts to the positives, anytime I have the negative ones creep in. Really challenging sometimes but overall I know I'm doing pretty well at keeping positive. Expected up and down days since I'm on break from treatment...

A few things to look forward to... holiday in a week and a wonderful friend joining us for most of the time, woo hoo... and then work thru the end of June... then moving home to Oregon early July! I decided to begin a countdown for the move home...  hooray to 109 days left to enjoy Hong Kong and Asia before the big move back.  Countdown

My good friend Lenore has returned to the US, sigh. It was so so wonderful to spend time with her and catch up. Grateful for the gift of time that we had together (plus fun time with other lovely friends as well during the visit)... Lenore was interviewed by another author friend/radio presenter, Reenita Malhotra Hora, during her visit on Hong Kong's radio station- RTHK, it was a fantastic interview!!
http://programme.rthk.hk/channel/radio/programme.php?name=radio3/state_of_the_art&d=2015-03-15&p=6684&e=299363&m=episode

Thanks for journeying with me...

Feeling lucky for special times with friends. Grateful... :)

Little update plus traveling down memory lane

Enjoyed the weekend, had many restful moments and happy moments with friends and family.
Saw my magician, oh, I mean my oncologist.
He pulled another rabbit out of his hat.
He didn't quite expect my reaction.
That's ok.
So, when I went in, I looked at my lung x-ray with him. It was fascinating to see how my body has recovered since September with the operation/missing part of my lung. It was a relief to hear that he didn't see any damage to my lungs from radiation.
Then, I chatted about what his plans were for me... he wants to wait 6-8 weeks to do the PET scan because if we go too soon, there could be false positive results. Sigh. That brings me to MAY for chemo. I just want to be done already. This is costly. It is stressful to deal with the insurance game. And I might have to lose my hair once again... well... I'm not thrilled.
I responded with those thoughts to him (with my eyes filling up with tears) told him that this has been so hard so far... He said that he didn't necessarily think he would use the same combo of drugs with me for the last two rounds of chemo. He might use drugs that don't make hair fall out... does this compromise my health/future? Hmm. He also mentioned that he might not even want to do the last two rounds of chemo. All depends on the PET scan.
He gave me a referral letter to see the lymphedema specialist. Shall look into that soon.
He recommended I take an anti-inflammatory for my neck pain. Shall look into that tonight.
Sigh. Hate taking drugs but I'm still in pain and it has been 5 days since my last treatment.
I'm grateful for the break. From operation to chemo to tomotherapy/radiation this time has been really challenging. I'd like to build myself up a little... get more stamina... recover from the pain in my chest... get thru these side effects.

Got to meet up two special friends Saturday... A special author friend is visiting right now... Seeing her felt like family coming together again. Very happy to see Lenore. More time will be spent together soon, so excited and grateful for the time together...

Today, I spent the morning among wonderful loving people. Good friends to chat with... good time with my son and husband too. Today, I pulled out this old thumb drive that was in my work desk and opened it. I haven't lost everything when my computer died after all. At least I didn't lose everything from 2012 and before. But since 2012... it is a toss up. Sigh to my writing. I must get over the loss of all the documents and sit down and work on my manuscripts again. It is a goal. My husband surprised me today with the gift of an external hard drive. Shall work on proper backing up on files for the future. Sigh to that learning experience.

Appreciated my husband's reminder that some images aren't as lost as I thought. Looked through all my old emails I sent month by month for my son's first few years. Made me so happy to read those old updates. Kiddo sure has grown a lot since those emails and images.
Ready to enjoy a week at work. Thanks for journeying with me....

Happy day meeting up with Lenore...

And then she said...

Decided to type a little bit.
I'm not shy. I used to be, not so much so now. I find teaching/learning opportunities all over the place, don't you?

I had the lovely opportunity to teach about kindness and manners today.
"Please don't point and me and yell 'Woah!', instead, could you please say 'Mrs. Alvarez, you surprised me with this hair change.'"
"Excuse me, when I say 'Good morning' and you don't say anything and just giggle to your friend as you go by, I think you're laughing at me. Instead, could you say, 'Mrs. Alvarez, I'm noticing your hair is different' or 'Good morning' please?"

"Mrs. Alvarez, what did you DO to your HAIR?!"
"1. Yes, my hair is different. 2. It is colored different. 3. It is rude to interrupt, can you see I'm running a battle here?"
- battle of the books competitions began today, always tough to see teams losing but love seeing everyone stocking up and reading more books!!

Dialogue:
"Mrs. Alvarez."
"Yes."
"Is this your hair?"
"Yes"
"Did you color it?"
"Yes"
"Were you wearing a wig before this?"
"Yes"
(This was my favorite dialogue, straightforward, honest, and moved on with things quickly.)

One sweetie walked up to me, "You changed your hair, it looks like my grandma's hair now!" I thought to myself, you've got a cool grandma then... but also gave her a look like, seriously?!

Only one student asked, "Seriously, what is going on with your hair, can you explain to me, please?" - I handed her the book Nowhere Hair - love that picture book, so thoughtfully written- during the lunch since I was running a battle and couldn't chat, told her it was a similar situation to mine... She's a caring sweetie. Shall chat with her more soon.

Some kids gave me huge smiles.
Some gave me wide-eyed shocked looks but then smiled and said "Hi"...
Other kids came up and said they loved my new style and color.
My colleagues were beautifully supportive and kind and I appreciate them to bits.

Yeah.
Hair.
Think it will take at least this week to muddle thru the confused looks and conversation. I do have 700 students to see eventually... I only saw around 220 today, maybe a few more... Now WHAT will happen if my hair all falls out with the last 2 rounds of chemo? I do have permission to wear hats... le sigh. Don't miss you wig, not a bit.

Why am I letting the PET scan loom over me like a storm cloud? I hate "what if?" things. I just want to have a few weeks off... got thru #24. 6 left. That's 1 Monday, 2 Tuesdays, 1 Wednesday, 1 Thursday, 1 Friday. One day at a time. I'm exhausted today. Already curled up in bed. Enjoyed work. Ok staff meeting. Appreciated a lovely friend walking me to the hospital and chatting with me for almost an hour when the clinic ran late, what is with them and Mondays? And glad when the minibus arrived just minutes after I went to wait for it... Not much appetite today. Forced myself to eat lunch. Ate a small portion for dinner. Hoping for better tomorrow... Shall see. Funny enough my appetite is weird and I just want bad food presently like macaroni and cheese-- from a box thank you--- and Ikea meatballs- greasier the better, thanks... yep. I know what it would do to my body. Nope I'm holding back, mostly. Yep, I will eat mostly unhealthy crap if that's what it takes to get food in my body. Shall see!

Thanks for journeying with me... was brave today, was slightly scared, and did I mention I adore my colleagues for their supportive conversations and then other topic discussions as well? Grateful...

Ok Days Holiday Break

Grateful for time at home, rest time, nap time.
Got thru three days of treatment, 8 to go. One coming this Saturday which is odd but there's adaptation for Chinese New Year.
Looking forward to getting back into routines next week. Five treatment days in a row and then two more the following week.
Saw my oncologist today. He's reassuring. Wasn't as impressed with my weight gain as I was excited... but of course I lost 4 pounds 1 1/2 weeks before and only gained back one. I told him "I worked hard to gain that pound!"
He said I'm doing remarkably well. Happy with my blood tests, kidney function and more. A relief.
The week of the last two radiation treatments I have to get a lung x-ray to see if my lungs were damaged by the treatment, oh boy. Then I get a "break" from treatments for around 3 weeks. Then I have to get a PET scan again to get another baseline check... for some reason I didn't expect to need to have another PET scan til June, sigh. Then based on checks I'll find out about the last two rounds of chemo/time plan. Might be right after we return from Bali. Will see.
I'm working hard to stay positive and hopeful. Still talking to the tumor. Asking it to die, shrink, quit growing, and more...
I'm tired of the pain I've begun to feel in my back, pretty sure from radiation. It was weird to move my tongue and feel pain for the first time. It doesn't hurt to swallow. Just sucks to cough.
Feeling tired but napping is helpful. Kiddo is patient with me which is good. Trying to make special time with him outside of our evening reading time.
Certainly feels good to leave the apartment without something covering my head. A relief.
Had fun visiting with friends yesterday at an anniversary party but I realized how many students were at this get together... more than I expected. One student looked at me, giggled and went and whispered to her other little friends. Another student just looked at me with huge wide eyes and I said "I know, my hair is different, right?" She said "Yeah." Kids will adapt. I certainly have.
Grateful that my husband is getting some things sorted for us... especially planning out our Bali trip. Fun to make plans together. Good to have things to look forward to.

Wishing readers well. Many thanks for journeying with me.

Enjoyed looking at these and sniffing the delicious smell.
Not even tempted to eat one bite anymore, feel like I've come so far.
Happy Anniversary to two good caring friends! :)

Results plus Thoughts Randomly Coming

The PET scan results were in, never thought another round of chemotherapy could be promising results but they are. They certainly are. I worked to redirect my thoughts when they went negative, worried about random pains in my body and redirected to positive every time I caught myself. It is challenging but I do think the more positive I can be, the better. Speaking of which, sometimes being around my oncologist, who I thoroughly respect, is not so positive, at all. Here's a few things that have come from him recently and in the past:
Here's another list-  Top 5 Things I Don't Want to Hear From My Oncologist:
5.  "There is a real chance the cancer could come back elsewhere, this is a long shot for being curative." - December, 2014
4. "After radiation, we will need to look at long term medication." - December, 2014
3. "There's likely to only be a 40 % of chance of success with chemotherapy." - September, 2014
2. "The results are not good, look your lymph nodes are lit up." - August, 2014
1. "You Have Cancer" - September, 2013

So, there's still a tumor on my lymph nodes in my chest near my heart. It is getting smaller. My oncologist insists that it has shrunk due to the chemotherapy, not just when the lung specialist removed a portion of it during my September surgery. There are no other areas in my body lighting up presently from the PET scan which is a good thing, a very good thing. Damn the lymph nodes, but I'm here. I have to have four more chemo treatments, two before the holiday and two after the holiday. (But I get to go have fun with family and friends and turn off the cancer mindset for a little while, hallelujah.) But I will get those chemo treatments done and then have a few weeks break and begin radiation treatment to hit those lymph nodes.

Things my oncologist said to me over the course of this year + were promising for the first two cancers, but there was a major shift when I had the metastatic diagnosis. That hasn't been so wonderful. I'm going to stay positive. My husband is not thrilled that I still have so much tumor lighting up on my lymph nodes, I agree with him, it sucks. It is disappointing. Damn cancer. But there is progress, slow but there. And I'll take progress. I'll also be happy to be done with chemo in 5 more weeks. Today's treatment was just fine. Normal one dose day with a visit and lunch from a special close friend. Was grateful. I also had many hours on my own with the kiddo tonight which I adored. We had fun planning out our evening and spending time together. Hooray for my husband getting a little time away from home to do things.

So the before is below in blue and the after is above in blue. Must it be blue?
My favorite color? Meh. You can see measuring info and such...
So, lymph node tumor right next to my heart, shrinking. I get a whole fancy binder with each PET scan.
Not the kind of book gift I want, but I'm collecting them nonetheless.
This is just one page of many many many analyzing my body scan. 

Random Thought Time:
Oh the vanity... Fully admit, working to stay positive about life... but sometimes vanity rolls thru a little.
How many of you have created odd situations in your mind and then acted them out? I've been concerned about my lack of hair and using my passport. Should I wear a wig on the airplane so that I don't need to worry about people questioning me? Would people question me?
I've thought about this to the point that I am imagining being up at the passport/visa entrance area and am asked to take off my head covering... drama drama drama. Who cares what I look like? I guess I do since I'm thinking about it. After thinking about it for a while, I chuckled to myself. I live in Asia. There are many many people who wear head coverings here. I don't believe that my little head covering is going to be an issue.
*Missing my hair. Looking at my scalp and sighing that it will be a while before hair recovers from the chemo and begins to grow in. The little bits here and there that didn't fall out have randomly started growing out, it is odd, a little curly. Shall see...

Burned my hand today a little bit in the afternoon, spilled hot soup on it. I used cold water and then my helper brought me a miracle medicine, Oronine Ointment, that helped after two applications. So relieved. Really annoyed by my klutzy actions lately. Knew the bowl was too hot so of course I picked it up a second time. Sigh. Slow down Debbie.

Actually had a pretty darn unpleasant bloody nose two days ago, will be glad to be free of medicine that has that side effect.... also noticed that one of my fingernails is now looking really unhealthy with brown above the white of the nail. Hmm. Some have mentioned that they lost their nails because of chemo side effects. Hmm. Shall see. Husband told me to put nail polish on it so that I don't worry... not exactly helpful but I get what he's saying.
I'm not so thrilled with my skin breakout on my face either. It is certainly different than the others I've dealt with in the past. My oncologist said that it is a normal cumulative effect of chemotherapy, didn't recommend anything. The nurse I talked with told me that it is worse for so many others... she shared with me a few sad stories about other patients that I really could have lived without hearing... So I suppose I'm lucky, sort of.
Oh vanity...

Read a study from a friend in the US who has a family member also dealing with cancer, found the article hopeful, will share with my oncologist next week. About new treatments helping metastatic cancer patients:
http://www.medpagetoday.com/MeetingCoverage/AACR/32048
Had enough to ask my oncologist this week, here was my list:
-PET scan results
-Nail
-Nose
-Face breakout
-Muscle pull (pulled in yoga yesterday, odd, feeling a little better though)
-Nausea medicine
-Plan for radiation treatment scheduling

He seems to have a limit after a certain amount of minutes talking together, I respect his focus and concentration as we meet and just keep writing my lists. He doesn't get annoyed with my questions

Thanks for journeying as always...  Grateful for progress this time... Bearing up for 4 more doses.

PET Scan and Waiting

Feel like I'm in this waiting game... My first PET scan in August was not fun and I was anxious about having it since my breast cancer diagnosis in March... I still have the memories of the revealing results after that first PET scan - third cancer, operation and more... so this one's no fun either. Waiting for results, shall see and share when I'm honestly up for sharing.
PET scan... hope no one has to deal with it themselves. Seriously.
The place I returned to today has the nicest nurse who quickly, carefully put a line into my inside elbow which was there for the next hour and a half. Having a needle in one's elbow area is actually worse than the line in my hand I've grown accustomed to for the past 11 chemotherapy cycles. Something no one should get used to by the way.
She was quite comforting as she tucked me away in a special room and instructed me to drink a LOT of distilled warm water (I finished it all)... Then a second person came. I described this last time I think as well. He has a special restricted room with special prepared glucose with a dose of radiation... he quickly told me about the process:
1. Drink a lot of water.
2. After he puts to glucose into me, wait 45 minutes to 1 hour for it to run thru my blood stream.
3. When I'm notified over the intercom that it is time, evacuate my bladder and then push the special door button to release me. (don't you love that word use? I chuckled.)
4. Carry all my belongings to the CT machine area, lay down and put my arms above my head with my fingers laced...
5. Lay still for 20-25 minutes.
Then he pushed some saline in the line in my elbow and ran to get the special needle and pushed the glucose into me as a radiation alarm went off the whole time. Not disconcerting at all...
Then wait. Note to self: next time, yank the blanket out right away, do not sit feeling cold shivering and drinking warm water. Reading books is good but being warmer is important. Don't forget to make the chair comfortable as well, lazy-boy chairs are popular in these clinics.
I had a bit of an issue having to get back into the CT machine, after two rounds of radiation, the machine is not my favorite place to be... 20 minutes of quiet, peaceful, not moving thoughts... got thru it. After they pulled me out the last time, they came over the intercom with a warning to stay still and not move that they were not done yet, 5 more minutes. I stayed still and figured out afterwards that they were going over all the scans to make sure there wasn't any extra scans needed before I was released. (English wasn't the strongest in the clinic but passable.)
The nurse met me in a small room and pulled out the needle and zipped over to dispose of it in the secure room. Then gave me a bandaid with the instructions to flush twice when I use the toilet and avoid pregnant women and children for 4-6 hours as I will have residue still in me...
Walking out I ate a banana (did I mention I had to fast for this test and was shaky/starving?) and zipped over to my favorite juice place in the IFC mall- Genie Juicery to pick up a treat for myself. Then went home to snuggle with my sweet dog and nap a little bit... then attended the chanting class I'm not too fond of but it is healthy.... then decided it wasn't enough to get juice so after family dinner, my husband and I went to see Mockingjay at the theater, that was a treat for the both of us. Actually walked 10,000 steps today! That's a big turnaround from Mon/Tues... Grateful to have a few fun things to do today... and for stamina... grateful to only have a few days to wait for results (I hope.) Now, I'll look forward to listening to the next episode of Serial in the morning...

Thanks for journeying with me... day by day.

Back around the corner

Right as I've found my energy and had a good three days in a row... here comes chemo... Le sigh.
Enjoyed getting to appointments, running errands, having special dinners, and even seeing a musical performance... I am happy with the outcome of the week... plus I enjoyed a few audiobooks and am in the middle of a fascinating one presently.
It is so hard to tell when I should keep my face mask on. I actually wore the wig for over 6 hours, that's the longest time for me yet. It is quite warm wearing a wig for so long. Glad I am able to do it though since soon enough I'll have to wear it for work.
Tomorrow- two dose day... shall see. Will see if I'm feeling strong afterwards enough to go see a movie... never know reactions.
PET scan is next Wednesday. Need to clarify how long it will take to get the results... Last time I had it in August it was a complete blur, just know it will take more than a few days. Last time I received a lovely bound booklet with an accompanying CD. Shall see how it goes.
Had to sort out all my vitamins, supplements, and medicine... happy to have it organized but it took over 30 minutes to sort it all out. I'm taking so many more pills nowadays.
I'm getting to the point where I'm anticipating the holiday that we preplanned/paid for back before diagnosis... I'm really staying positive about getting permission to go away for a little while... Bringing along the calendar tomorrow to see how to get extra chemo treatments in as needed.
I tried out a Yuen Method specialist on Thursday. It was an interesting process that I'm still thinking about. I received homework at the end- to watch for the next time I'm upset/angry and step back, take two long breaths and look at the situation as an observer, see how I react then. Hmm. Interesting. Know I've done that before but shall try it again.
Thanks for journeying with me, day by day... grateful for these "up" days and gearing up for whatever comes next...