The Waiting Game

I'm always thrown by how much waiting is involved with all three of these diagnosis. We have the waiting intially for test results, the waiting for a biopsy and getting it, waiting for the results of biopsy, waiting for surgeon appointment, waiting for the followup with oncologist for further analysis of biopsy cells, waiting for breathing test, and now waiting for surgery... and then after surgery waiting for decisions on chemotherapy and radiation treatment.

It is enough to drive me batty.

Which is why I appreciate all the positive supportive comments thru Facebook-email-here, the funny video distractions, the fabulous books I'm reading and listening to, the friend chats, Skypes, and more... so grateful for it all. The best distraction for me though over all that is family. Tonight as I sat in the hospital distracting myself, not really wanting to do those last minute to-do's. I was starting to slump a little. I'd had a breathing test (passed with flying colors), met with my surgeon and oncologist, chatted with the local chaplan, and caught up with nurses who remembered me from other hospital stays. I was honestly a little drained saying the same thing over and over to new people who didn't familiarize themselves with my chart before walking in (everyone). Repeatedly saying: "Yes, lung cancer, right side. Yes, I'm doing ok. Yes, I'm a little angry this time round at having to fight a third battle. Yes, I'm staying strong and positive. No the cancer hasn't spread, this is a third separate diagnosis. Yes, it is scarier this time...."

Talking with the surgeon was good since my husband and I were able to clarify how long the surgery is (I go in around 1:30pm and they expect to wheel me back into the room around 5pm with me being groggy/maybe waiting up for a few minutes after that.) I was able to ask about the pain a little more and the surgeon told me about how there will be a drain put into the bottom incision which has hurt sometimes with other patients because the tube will be pushed in over the ribs where there are many nerves so the drain will make it hurt a little when I caugh, talk too much/loud, sneeze, etc., oh boy. I had a drain before with my first surgery but it wasn't anything in comparison. This sounds more like the pain I had after the lung biopsy 1 1/2 weeks ago... but it is only for 48 hours (hopefully) so I will bear with it and just be grateful to come out of surgery successfully. (knock on wood)
He told me my goal is to sit up the day after surgery. Then the following day walk around this floor of the hospital four times in a row, that would make him really happy. So I went and walked around the circular smallish floor 20 times while listening to a new audiobook. Felt quite healthy to make that time.

Talking with the anesthesiologist wasn't my most fantastic thrill at 9pm... he came right after I got ready for bed and had my night guard in my mouth... It freaked him out a little I think. He talked with me about what would happen tomorrow, where I'd get medicine, how I might feel, where the needle would be placed for the rest of my hospital stay, etc. I pointed out how frustrated I was that the cancer is on the right side so I knew that all treatment would occur in my left hand- chemo, this needle for surgery tomorrow, etc... He told me he'd think on putting the needle in a little further up my arm so that my hand wouldn't be restricted as much... As a left-hander, I appreciate whatever can be done but as a patient I just said, "Whatever you think needs to happen, do it. Please don't change normal practice and what you know is best."

So family time. Since I am stuck at the hospital, I planned out Skyping with my son in the evening for our routine. I wasn't sure what I'd get from him with Skype since it is sometimes hit or miss with his mood with Skype. This time, it was simply wonderful to check in on his day, see a new lego creation he had, and have HIM read to ME... love when we trade off. He read a few pages of a book to me that we've enjoyed recently. I love hearing him read books aloud. It is a treasured time to see what he's thinking as he's reading, etc. I also sing to him every night. He was happy to get his bedtime songs and blow me a kiss goodnight... I don't want him to visit here in the hospital until I'm actually able to talk smoothly (might have that harder time talking after surgery, shall see) so I hope to Skype tomorrow evening when I wake up for a little while, shall see what possibility there is for that.

I look forward to distracting myself from the waiting game with time with my wonderful husband tomorrow who plans on hanging out in the hospital all day to make sure he's here in case there's something scary that happens. (Thank goodness his school colleagues are supportive as much as mine are...) I also look forward to Skyping with family... my very important sister and my wonderful mom and dad...

And so I hope to sleep, wait, Skype, chat, wait, and then go in for surgery.