Saturday, June 27, 2015

Cha Cha Cha Chia

Last day of work, goodbye beautiful library!
It is funny to stare into mirrors. Sometimes I feel like I'm a science experiment. I've watched my hair sprouting out of my head and appreciated how resilient my body is.  It is sort of like watching a chia seed pet growing. Presently I see a shade of hair across my head more than the glaring baldness I saw before... But boy will it take a while to grow out. Decided to pop headbands on top of my head coverings lately, something different. Eyelashes are starting to grow back, slowly... eyebrows are starting to come back.

Was quite distracted this past week wrapping up work and making sure when I walked out of school on Friday I felt closure and success. Happy to be done. Hard to say good bye to everyone/everything. Kiddo had a hard time as well and began questioning why we were moving back and not staying for at least one more year. Sigh... Doing our best for him.

I've been dealing with a few too many distractions lately. Feeling ok overall but really working to focus on the positive and redirect negative thoughts and breathe, breathe, breathe.

Beach trip with kiddo to support husband's dragon boating endeavour.
In less than two weeks we move back to Oregon. Things are going quickly by... Had met up with some wonderful, special people to say goodbye... enjoying time with each one...

Pains have eased up. I quit the pain medication and am taking an anti-inflammatory that I don't plan to take for too long.  We're dealing with many bits and pieces of leaving Hong Kong presently. Paperwork and such. Happy my husband has headed out for another trip to the Philippines, his last dash to get a little more scuba diving in... the kiddo and I are enjoying time together...

Close to the end of work...
Staying focused on the positive. Clear scan, visualizing the results... Tried out a different qigong instructor and it was ok... looking forward to trying out a different instructor in the US... Shall see. Will miss my qigong instructor so much, she's been such a supportive person. We talked about how when I go to do the PET scan this coming Monday I can do qigong exercises... plus I plan to listen to a session of yoga nidra....

Grateful some friends at home are helping my parents with the move/transition of furniture and storage to our home... Exciting that some things will be in our home when we get back. Some of our belongings aren't going to arrive in Oregon for  two months... will be little treats coming home...

 Thanks as always for journeying with me... appreciating being done with work and focusing on enjoying this huge transition.

Newest picture... such a hot day but got thru the day walking walking walking.
Finding stamina increasing.

Thursday, June 18, 2015

Yes, that is mandatory

Tried out new scarf tying style after watching
a video, I didn't mind it...
Today I told my oncologist that I believed that the PET scan that's happening in a little under two weeks was going to be clear. I love that he replied, "Absolutely, yes, that is mandatory." and then later after dealing with questions and wellness checks, he said "Now, I think we'll just focus on staying positive." Then he gave me the normal firm pat pat pat on my back. I really appreciate his attitude. I've been lucky to work with him.
My questions:
When will I have my PET scan? June 29th. When will I find out results? 4 days later.
Why in the world are my eyebrows coming out? It has been 5 weeks since the last chemo dose. His answer? This shouldn't continue. It isn't too out of the ordinary. (SIGH, have a feeling that the chemo meds will take a long long time to get out of my system, but on the positive side, hopefully they are helping me out while hanging out in my body!)
What can I do with pain medicine, can I just stop taking it? (I'd cut them in half for 3 days now, not feeling need to take as much as I had before... phew) The drugs are not addictive, you can just stop. (In the medication info it does say that it is addictive, so I'm glad I did it my way...)
Saying goodbye is hard. Staff goodbye...
Decided to wear a wig instead of being in yet another
hat/scarf mix... Holding back tears and sad...
but happy sad.
Job interviews and the unknown and decisions and packing and finishing work and goodbyes are... a little distracting, draining, worrisome. Repeating to myself, I will be well. Taking many long deep breaths. Things are working out. I'm doing ok.... BUT I'll be really grateful when there are less unknowns.
Now. I really appreciate how many people care about me. Today I got advice I appreciated, mostly. Hmm. Someone who mostly knows me and my ways told me that I needed to make sure I didn't overdo things in the fall because I'll still be healing for the next year. That I need to carefully make decisions about future work with that in mind. True.... but will see. Low stress is a goal. Happiness is a goal. Feeling fulfilled is a goal. Being inspired... is a goal. Shall see.
Going to be a few active days with wonderful people and wanted to give myself a little journaling time here now. Grateful to not see my oncologist as often. Expensive and important? Yes. Less feels healthier though. The nurses in the office were so kind and friendly. They're happy for me that I'm moving but acted quite reassured that I'd be back one more time... saying goodbye everywhere is... HARD.
Having fun with the students I am seeing.
Not having fun with cataloging at work, but that's just part of the job.
Enjoying time spent with colleagues though... especially my assistant.
Lucky me.
Thank you for journeying for me. Thank you for focusing on a clean scan. Really appreciate the support and positivity from my last post. Grateful grateful grateful.

Morning time... my most frequent combo-
bamboo/cotton hat with favorite scarf tied around.

Friday, June 12, 2015

Clean Scan - Support me please

Enjoyed visiting a Cat Cafe with my friend...
blogging on Styling Librarian about it in a few weeks.
I believe...

I'm having a PET scan in a few weeks. Then I will have results a few days later. I believe the scan will be clear. No cancer. I need all my friends, family, loved ones to also have this thought for me. Let's take advantage of positive thoughts.

I'm feeling much better than a few weeks ago. Taking things day by day. I will be well. I am healing. It will take a while and I'll be a little different than I was before but I feel good about the future. There is so much to live for. So much to hope for. 

I want to see my son have his Bar Mitzvah. Be there for family celebrations. Watch my son graduate from High School. Attend college. Celebrate anniversaries and life events with my husband. Have new adventures. Enjoy time with friends and family... Continue a career that I'm passionate about... I have too many good things in my life and know the future is bright.

Clean scan. It will be clear, all these things I've done for almost a year have been successful.
If you talk with me about the scan, focus on the positive. Believe it will be a clean scan with me.

I feel lucky because...
I can fully breath even with part of my lung removed.
My gum has healed and I might not need surgery for the area I was concerned about.
My fingernails are growing out and looking a little bit healthier.
My hair will grow back soon enough.
My energy level fluxuates but I can enjoy work without feeling like I'm going to collapse.
My stomach is feeling a little better.
I have job prospects. Shall see.
Family are excited for us to return home.
Our friends are excited for us to return home.
I have an oncologist and other team members lined up to help me once I'm home.
Things are somewhat falling into place with paperwork and moving details here. I've got good support as needed as well...

So much to be grateful for...

Clean scan.
Think it.
Believe it.
Have faith and hope for me.

Thank you as always for journeying with me... grateful, grateful, grateful...

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Just Exhausted

This week was good overall. I've been dealing with numerous Skype interviews for job positions in Oregon. Don't have anything I'd like to share about those interviews at this point. Just finding positive hope for the future as a teacher librarian/school library media specialist.
Visited with my oncologist this past Friday. I was happy I gained weight. I'm not happy I'm dependent on pain medication. He's happy with my progress. I've "turned the corner"... said he knows the last round of chemo was a bit aggressive and was really hard on me. He thinks June 29th PET scan will be fine. I don't have to see him for almost two weeks which is a first in many months... so many Dr. visits! Grateful insurance has at least covered the visits...
I'm presently exhausted. I know I can't control everything but am working hard to get utilities sorted at home and also in a few days I'll be dealing with closing accounts in Hong Kong... Job searches are interesting. Shall see.
Husband is dealing with my rare meltdowns... A pretty major one occurred tonight, feeling better once I have one... that release. Part of life, that being overwhelmed thing. As much as I focus on the positive and know I can't control everything, the things I can manage are piling up a bit... Thank goodness I have family and friends I can lean on at home. My parents are helping so much with everything and my sister and brother-in-law are helping a ridiculous amount as well... plus many friends helping me with the job interview/search/selection process... good to rely on them. Grateful to have people I can quickly Facetime/Skype when I'm overwhelmed.
Started shipping boxes by boat home... we'll arrive home before they do but that's ok.
Looking forward to the transition home even though every goodbye is so hard. Today we had our Jewish community final goodbye. Kiddo was fine with it but I had a hard time with it, hugs and such... such a wonderful community. So I've said goodbye to my wonderful writing community and teacher librarian community... next will be goodbyes with my cancer support group... work goodbyes will be close to the hardest... my close friend goodbyes will break me. Some friends I'm trying to see on a weekly basis because it is just so hard to imagine not seeing them consistently soon. Thank goodness for online connections... I know it isn't completely goodbye. These friends are like my family here so... will be hard but will get thru...
Thanks for journeying with me as always...

For those who like the idea of qigong, I'm planning to purchase videos from here for continued practice once I move away:
Looks like I can watch many videos for free here as well: