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| Just can not fully smile at chemotherapy... Every week I take a picture and look like this. Friends told me it was my "determined" look... I'll take that. Sounds better than grouchy, right? |
A little bit ago a good friend asked me to reflect on cancer and what the positives were of having it. Honestly, cancer totally sucks. But I can try to find the 'silver linings' of cancer... I certainly appreciate life more. I've learned many new things. I learned about how to be a better friend, wife, mom and person. I learned how to prioritize my needs and celebrate success before I move to the next project. I learned how to give myself a break and appreciate myself. I learned about Qigong, mindfulness, pulling, and more healthy practices. I learned to be responsible for myself by creating an id tag with contact numbers and chemotherapy drugs listed on it so that if there is an emergency, I have it there ready to point at. I hope I'll continue growing as a person and survive for many many years to come without the need for my body to add any more cancer crisis situations in.
Last year in November when I was finishing my first experience with radiation treatment I began a list of positives dealing with radiation. I continued adding to that list of positives in May when I was getting radiation treatment for breast cancer. I tried to have a little humor and looked for the positives... I like looking over this list even though I dread dealing with radiation again after chemotherapy finishes this time. Shall see...
http://lifesjourneyinterrupted.blogspot.hk/2014/08/positives-about-radiation-list.html
I went in for my fourth chemotherapy session in the morning. 1/3 of the way through. I gained weight, again! Was so exciting, did a happy dance. My oncologist told me he liked my facial color and thought I was doing well, besides the side effects. But, I'm not enjoying chemotherapy, all three drugs go in again next week and I know that I've had a harder reaction with the three combined and that this week was really the peak of my recovery from that first round. I'm not thrilled to see how my body is freaking out with bloody noses, scalp shedding hair, nausea, crap immune system, and fatigue/weakness slowing me down. I do appreciate that I'm learning how to better listen to my body. That's a really good thing but honestly, I don't feel like I ever abused my body. I enjoyed exercise- especially dancing, ate mostly healthy (chocolate and sweets admitted), and have always been a pretty positive person... Hmm. Just not so lucky with TWO cancers that wreak havoc on my body.
Here's the beginning list of what are mostly positives about chemotherapy:1. You can see an oncologist frequently and receive instant answers to questions.
2. You get 1:1 attention with nurses and more.
3. There are mostly good anti-nausea medications that help.
4. Sometimes you don't lose your appetite throughout the whole week.
5. You certainly have a chance to lose weight depending on medication and reactions...
6. New routines are adopted such as gargling, pulling, etc.
7. You become keenly self aware of your body and organized logging your medicine intake and reactions to chemotherapy.
8. You get new social resouces such as CancerLink here in Hong Kong.
9. Short hair revelations- can live with it and probably handle being bald.
10. You can play a guessing game about where the chemo will go into your hand each week. Sometimes there are some angles and different veins chosen!
11. You are forced to slow down, not a terrible thing to be given that time.
12. Sitting quietly can be peaceful.
13. You might find more interesting reading material and learn quite a bit about chemotherapy, drugs you're getting, and more.
14. There is an end in sight, it is possible to get through this, day by day.
15. Learn that you can ask for help and get it even from strangers if you faint on the MTR.
16. People in the chemotherapy room can empathize with your situation.
17. You can see yourself like a science experiment and try out multiple experiments to help heal yourself.
18. Learn about different friends strengths who can help out... and learn how to ask for help.
19. You value time with friends and family and learn again about prioritizing.
20. You feel no guilt when eating and prioritizing weight gain. *Funny to be excited about gaining weight!
That's the random mix I have so far on chemotherapy, it is possible to find positives, even if I'd never in a million years want anyone to deal with it themselves.
I'm grateful, growing, learning, and appreciating life... one day at a time. Thanks for journeying with me...
