Sunday, September 21, 2014

Finding inspiration, poetry, and being careful

Expected drama today. None. Maybe side effects from chemo are holding off for tomorrow or the next day. Odd. NOT COMPLAINING.
Felt really productive and happy today. Enjoyed visiting with some wonderful friends, had fun doing art with my kiddo, and got through the day taking rests when I felt a little fatigued. Noticed my face was flushed three times during the day (I never flush)... Hmm.
Working my way thru Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips book still, taking my time as I really am appreciating it and taking ideas to heart... and feeling reassured with things I've already done this past year. 
Funny how strong I feel when I have poison coursing through my veins and cancer cells multiplying (hopefully they're very confused and starting to die instead.)
Wrote these poems a few months ago at a writers workshop. 
Thought they still represent my thoughts about this cancer journey:
No. No.
Thank god he is here with me, wouldn’t want to be the one to tell him.
No security.
No safety.
Operation prep.
Leaving work.
Repeated conversations.
Repeating myself too many times.
Not so grateful to say I’m grateful over and over.
Happy to be alive but terrified.
Books- what do I read first?
Online Articles scare the hell out of me.
Online groups are useful.
Talking with someone is best...
Thank goodness for good friends.

Survive? Yes.
Thrive? Will give it a go.
Inspire? Not so sure.
Must my cancer story be so special?
Would it help or worry others to read it?
Will thinking about cancer make me worry more?
I already worry enough.
Every twinge.
Every pain.
Especially every consistent pain brings forth
an immediate worry about what could be coming.
Scans? Expensive.
Hate worrying about money.
Hate getting upset about costs.
Better to focus on outcome.
Better to focus on what I can control.
Appreciated these sites and resources - last two shared by lovely friends recently:


  1. Thank you for sharing all of this, Debbie. So many of us live with the fear that we will have to go through it, ask the question: will I be strong enough? Will I be brave. I appreciate so much your bravery, but also your honesty here. Those dips make you human, the rest pretty superhuman. As always, I'm taking notes. Praying for you and praying for me. But mostly anxious to watch you thrive. <3

    1. I don't know if I'm that brave but I'm certainly working on inner strength... :) Hugs for you, thank you for the prayers. Ready to thrive too. <3

  2. Please take care. I didn't know you were going through all of this. Just take care and know we're all routing for you! Prayers. Angie

    1. Thanks Angie, I was honestly really quiet about this whole cancer journey til a month ago. Feel like this time going public is the right thing to do... Appreciate the prayers.