Friday, December 12, 2014

Pulling Rabbits out of Hats and #13 Chemo

Feeling a little... tired of my oncologist. Think a break is in order- 8 days away. It hit me last night that I haven't been away from home for four months. I know many people don't get to travel/get away from home at all for years, but for me, I think I'm going a little stir crazy and am so excited to get away a bit.

Today my "counts" were done. Not happy. Not thrilled. Have to go back quickly tomorrow morning for an injection of Neulastim to help boost my white blood cell production. Heard it will hurt in joints, will take some medicine for that as well. I can sneak this treatment in right before my kiddo's birthday celebration...
http://www.neulastim.co.nz/what-you-need-to-know/
I did gain weight, I am quite pleased with my progress. The wonderful oncologist nurse who is the most honest and helpful bluntly said to me, "You know, that could be water retention from the Taxal you're on, so let's keep an eye on that..." sigh. I'm still eating double at most meals and trying my best to get healthy food into my system. Stomach isn't always lovely but it is fluxuating.

So, I talked with my oncologist about treatment, gave him the article I'm curious about, and began my 4th round of chemo. Took a really long time, enjoyed a podcast and reading an eBook and snoozing since I was on my own this time. 8:30-2:30... (Good I was on my own though, another day of 6 chemo patients all lined up getting treatment...) I was able to catch the MTR over to my last yoga class with the instructor I like/respect. Have notes, will try to keep up with practices shared. Mindful walking is a good one that I can do anytime with a focus on breathing and peacefulness.

My oncologist pulled another rabbit out of a hat. Super frustrated but so much is unknown you never know. He said today, "So after you're finished with radiation, I would like to do two more rounds of chemotherapy if your body can handle it." I honestly squawked a little and he acted like we'd talked about this before. Hmm. (Husband mentioned that he didn't remember anything about this... Glad I'm not going nuts.) He pointed out that this 4th round is to shrink the tumor and then a 5th and 6th round would be for cleaning up any cancer cells ping ponging around in my body after radiation. Not sure about this white blood cell count going down. Shall see how I'm doing and take things carefully, no assumptions needed.

I'm honestly feeling pretty strong although a few people at the yoga session mentioned I was pale. I think anyone would be pale after sitting in a chair getting chemicals pumped into their body and then speed walking around Central to make it to a yoga class. Shall take it carefully next week. Have permission note to return to work next Wednesday-Friday working full time, then continuing after the holiday. Will take things one day at a time, can't worry about what I don't know, can't fret about energy, will just stay positive about getting to work and enjoy being around people I've missed for three months. My concern is dealing with negative nellies and having to redirect their conversation with their worries about me in every interaction. Already happening right and left and it isn't what I'd like to have conversations about... staying positive is what I want. Shall see, can't control others and their worries, assumptions, and caring concerns. Can just control my reactions, right? I know people have the best of intentions and I also know some will be assuming/wondering things like, "What is Debbie doing back at work? Is she going to faint on us? Can she handle the workload/teaching? Isn't her immune system to weak too be around a school?" I have no idea, can just have positive attitude and enjoy time there with the best of intentions to fulfill work obligations and keep my health as a priority simultaneously. My kiddo has been faithfully introducing germs my way as is my husband who works at another school, so not assuming anything, just going to be careful. Might be slipping a mask on when I see an especially sick group of kiddos, already wrote to my wonderful school nurse and asked for hand sanitizer which I will be applying throughout out the day! I already have things sorted a bit for instruction and am looking forward to catching up with students and staff.

Received this lovely scarf/hat from a wonderful friend- 
thanks Debra, perfect timing as it is getting a little chilly now.
I actually went to the store the other day and picked up a few pairs of leggings/pants since I was swimming in pairs I have and a little desperate for different selections, 
so happy to find ones that actually fit.
*Yes, I'm noticing my eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning,
part of life... Happy to be here.

Thanks for journeying with me...


13 comments:

  1. Three thoughts:

    You are a f*cking superwoman, and I love you.

    I'm so happy you're returning to work!

    You look adorbs in that lavender flower hat/scarf combination.

    Sending you positive energy and hope that others exercise wisdom in their greetings. <3

    xoxox



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    1. :)) :) :) Thank you for those wonderful three thoughts. Hugs your way as always, so grateful grateful grateful for your support! :)

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  2. I couldn't have said it better than Gae. Seriously.....you kick butt. You're a cancer-fightin' ninja. Sending B-I-G hugs and positive mojo your way, Debbie. xoxoxoxoxoxox

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    1. :) Thank you Trudy, my kiddo would love that ninja reference! :) Appreciate hugs and positive mojo, hugs your way... xoxoxoxoxo

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  3. When I finished reading this moments ago, I actually exclaimed out loud. You are an amazing lady Debbie. I am thrilled for you about going back to work. Woo! Hoo! I hope you will be able to send out pictures and notes about your special vacation. Sending love, hugs, healing thoughts and doggy kisses from Xena.

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    1. I agree, WOO HOO!! Been waiting to get back to school. I'll probably post pictures on FB about the trip, prob. share bloggie things once we're back. Hugs and love your way, thinking about you and Xena... :)

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  4. Best of luck on re-entry, Debbie! I'm so happy for you!!! And just as an idea, maybe have a meeting with your school staff and explain what you've explained here. Let them know what's going on so you don't have to answer the same questions each time they ask. Some might feel they have to ask about your cancer so it doesn't appear they don't care. You might be bombarded with questions you don't want to answer. So... just get that out of the way at once, to the group, and perhaps it'll be easier for everyone, especially you. I want school to be a positive experience for you! Sending hugs and good wishes! —Salina

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    1. Wise advice, thank you... :) Appreciate the hugs and wishes! :)

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  5. That is fab that you're returning to Bradbury. You bloody love that library and it loves you! I'm in India today, going to the Taj Mahal which I'm so excited for so check out my pictures on FB this week! Love the scarf and hat combo, I miss wearing warm clothes in Singapore...... Merry Xmas I hope you get lots of great books :) and hugs of course! Lots of live kimbo xx

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    1. Thanks Kimbo- - Enjoy India, there's an amazing destination! Shall anticipate pictures. :) Bet you miss warm clothes wearing... :) Hugs your way...

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  6. I would probably be pale from the yoga! Lol... Congrats on doing fabulously well and the gradual return to the library. Wait -- reading during chemo? And probably reviewing too ... Only the stylin' librarian!

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    1. Thanks Deb... :) Yuppers, reading during chemo has worked out pretty well. So many reviews on advanced readers copies and more... :)

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  7. Thanks for sharing your journey. Your positive efforts are inspirational.

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