Saturday, December 6, 2014

Results plus Thoughts Randomly Coming


The PET scan results were in, never thought another round of chemotherapy could be promising results but they are. They certainly are. I worked to redirect my thoughts when they went negative, worried about random pains in my body and redirected to positive every time I caught myself. It is challenging but I do think the more positive I can be, the better. Speaking of which, sometimes being around my oncologist, who I thoroughly respect, is not so positive, at all. Here's a few things that have come from him recently and in the past:
Here's another list-  Top 5 Things I Don't Want to Hear From My Oncologist:
5.  "There is a real chance the cancer could come back elsewhere, this is a long shot for being curative." - December, 2014
4. "After radiation, we will need to look at long term medication." - December, 2014
3. "There's likely to only be a 40 % of chance of success with chemotherapy." - September, 2014
2. "The results are not good, look your lymph nodes are lit up." - August, 2014
1. "You Have Cancer" - September, 2013

So, there's still a tumor on my lymph nodes in my chest near my heart. It is getting smaller. My oncologist insists that it has shrunk due to the chemotherapy, not just when the lung specialist removed a portion of it during my September surgery. There are no other areas in my body lighting up presently from the PET scan which is a good thing, a very good thing. Damn the lymph nodes, but I'm here. I have to have four more chemo treatments, two before the holiday and two after the holiday. (But I get to go have fun with family and friends and turn off the cancer mindset for a little while, hallelujah.) But I will get those chemo treatments done and then have a few weeks break and begin radiation treatment to hit those lymph nodes.

Things my oncologist said to me over the course of this year + were promising for the first two cancers, but there was a major shift when I had the metastatic diagnosis. That hasn't been so wonderful. I'm going to stay positive. My husband is not thrilled that I still have so much tumor lighting up on my lymph nodes, I agree with him, it sucks. It is disappointing. Damn cancer. But there is progress, slow but there. And I'll take progress. I'll also be happy to be done with chemo in 5 more weeks. Today's treatment was just fine. Normal one dose day with a visit and lunch from a special close friend. Was grateful. I also had many hours on my own with the kiddo tonight which I adored. We had fun planning out our evening and spending time together. Hooray for my husband getting a little time away from home to do things.
So the before is below in blue and the after is above in blue. Must it be blue?
My favorite color? Meh. You can see measuring info and such...
So, lymph node tumor right next to my heart, shrinking. I get a whole fancy binder with each PET scan.
Not the kind of book gift I want, but I'm collecting them nonetheless.
This is just one page of many many many analyzing my body scan. 

Random Thought Time:
Oh the vanity... Fully admit, working to stay positive about life... but sometimes vanity rolls thru a little.
How many of you have created odd situations in your mind and then acted them out? I've been concerned about my lack of hair and using my passport. Should I wear a wig on the airplane so that I don't need to worry about people questioning me? Would people question me?
I've thought about this to the point that I am imagining being up at the passport/visa entrance area and am asked to take off my head covering... drama drama drama. Who cares what I look like? I guess I do since I'm thinking about it. After thinking about it for a while, I chuckled to myself. I live in Asia. There are many many people who wear head coverings here. I don't believe that my little head covering is going to be an issue.
*Missing my hair. Looking at my scalp and sighing that it will be a while before hair recovers from the chemo and begins to grow in. The little bits here and there that didn't fall out have randomly started growing out, it is odd, a little curly. Shall see...

Burned my hand today a little bit in the afternoon, spilled hot soup on it. I used cold water and then my helper brought me a miracle medicine, Oronine Ointment, that helped after two applications. So relieved. Really annoyed by my klutzy actions lately. Knew the bowl was too hot so of course I picked it up a second time. Sigh. Slow down Debbie.


Actually had a pretty darn unpleasant bloody nose two days ago, will be glad to be free of medicine that has that side effect.... also noticed that one of my fingernails is now looking really unhealthy with brown above the white of the nail. Hmm. Some have mentioned that they lost their nails because of chemo side effects. Hmm. Shall see. Husband told me to put nail polish on it so that I don't worry... not exactly helpful but I get what he's saying.
I'm not so thrilled with my skin breakout on my face either. It is certainly different than the others I've dealt with in the past. My oncologist said that it is a normal cumulative effect of chemotherapy, didn't recommend anything. The nurse I talked with told me that it is worse for so many others... she shared with me a few sad stories about other patients that I really could have lived without hearing... So I suppose I'm lucky, sort of.
Oh vanity...

Read a study from a friend in the US who has a family member also dealing with cancer, found the article hopeful, will share with my oncologist next week. About new treatments helping metastatic cancer patients:
http://www.medpagetoday.com/MeetingCoverage/AACR/32048
Had enough to ask my oncologist this week, here was my list:
-PET scan results
-Nail
-Nose
-Face breakout
-Muscle pull (pulled in yoga yesterday, odd, feeling a little better though)
-Nausea medicine
-Plan for radiation treatment scheduling

He seems to have a limit after a certain amount of minutes talking together, I respect his focus and concentration as we meet and just keep writing my lists. He doesn't get annoyed with my questions

Thanks for journeying as always...  Grateful for progress this time... Bearing up for 4 more doses.

6 comments:

  1. about to stand in tree... will stay there today even longer, steady with you, steady with you. <3

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    1. Hooray yoga. Hugs your way. Did I tell you I stood in tree in yoga class recently, lasted for a long while and felt so calm and steady... xxx

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  2. You didn't! Today was RIDICULOUS Debbie. I almost NEVER fall out anymore as long as I am thinking of/dedicating to you. I stay in until my leg doesn't have the strength, but not because I lose my balance... <3

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  3. Thank you for sharing your journey, Debbie. Your strength is amazing. I am so happy you are taking a trip with your family. Sending love, hugs, positive thoughts and doggy kisses from Xena.

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    1. Thank you... I'm anticipating the trip... :) Hugs and love your way.

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