Just Exhausted

This week was good overall. I've been dealing with numerous Skype interviews for job positions in Oregon. Don't have anything I'd like to share about those interviews at this point. Just finding positive hope for the future as a teacher librarian/school library media specialist.
Visited with my oncologist this past Friday. I was happy I gained weight. I'm not happy I'm dependent on pain medication. He's happy with my progress. I've "turned the corner"... said he knows the last round of chemo was a bit aggressive and was really hard on me. He thinks June 29th PET scan will be fine. I don't have to see him for almost two weeks which is a first in many months... so many Dr. visits! Grateful insurance has at least covered the visits...
I'm presently exhausted. I know I can't control everything but am working hard to get utilities sorted at home and also in a few days I'll be dealing with closing accounts in Hong Kong... Job searches are interesting. Shall see.
Husband is dealing with my rare meltdowns... A pretty major one occurred tonight, feeling better once I have one... that release. Part of life, that being overwhelmed thing. As much as I focus on the positive and know I can't control everything, the things I can manage are piling up a bit... Thank goodness I have family and friends I can lean on at home. My parents are helping so much with everything and my sister and brother-in-law are helping a ridiculous amount as well... plus many friends helping me with the job interview/search/selection process... good to rely on them. Grateful to have people I can quickly Facetime/Skype when I'm overwhelmed.
Started shipping boxes by boat home... we'll arrive home before they do but that's ok.
Looking forward to the transition home even though every goodbye is so hard. Today we had our Jewish community final goodbye. Kiddo was fine with it but I had a hard time with it, hugs and such... such a wonderful community. So I've said goodbye to my wonderful writing community and teacher librarian community... next will be goodbyes with my cancer support group... work goodbyes will be close to the hardest... my close friend goodbyes will break me. Some friends I'm trying to see on a weekly basis because it is just so hard to imagine not seeing them consistently soon. Thank goodness for online connections... I know it isn't completely goodbye. These friends are like my family here so... will be hard but will get thru...
Thanks for journeying with me as always...

For those who like the idea of qigong, I'm planning to purchase videos from here for continued practice once I move away:
http://taichi18.com/online-video-course/silk/
Looks like I can watch many videos for free here as well:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEraxjZzHRVCvW9zqZl5bg

Pulling Rabbits out of Hats and #13 Chemo

Feeling a little... tired of my oncologist. Think a break is in order- 8 days away. It hit me last night that I haven't been away from home for four months. I know many people don't get to travel/get away from home at all for years, but for me, I think I'm going a little stir crazy and am so excited to get away a bit.

Today my "counts" were done. Not happy. Not thrilled. Have to go back quickly tomorrow morning for an injection of Neulastim to help boost my white blood cell production. Heard it will hurt in joints, will take some medicine for that as well. I can sneak this treatment in right before my kiddo's birthday celebration...
http://www.neulastim.co.nz/what-you-need-to-know/
I did gain weight, I am quite pleased with my progress. The wonderful oncologist nurse who is the most honest and helpful bluntly said to me, "You know, that could be water retention from the Taxal you're on, so let's keep an eye on that..." sigh. I'm still eating double at most meals and trying my best to get healthy food into my system. Stomach isn't always lovely but it is fluxuating.

So, I talked with my oncologist about treatment, gave him the article I'm curious about, and began my 4th round of chemo. Took a really long time, enjoyed a podcast and reading an eBook and snoozing since I was on my own this time. 8:30-2:30... (Good I was on my own though, another day of 6 chemo patients all lined up getting treatment...) I was able to catch the MTR over to my last yoga class with the instructor I like/respect. Have notes, will try to keep up with practices shared. Mindful walking is a good one that I can do anytime with a focus on breathing and peacefulness.

My oncologist pulled another rabbit out of a hat. Super frustrated but so much is unknown you never know. He said today, "So after you're finished with radiation, I would like to do two more rounds of chemotherapy if your body can handle it." I honestly squawked a little and he acted like we'd talked about this before. Hmm. (Husband mentioned that he didn't remember anything about this... Glad I'm not going nuts.) He pointed out that this 4th round is to shrink the tumor and then a 5th and 6th round would be for cleaning up any cancer cells ping ponging around in my body after radiation. Not sure about this white blood cell count going down. Shall see how I'm doing and take things carefully, no assumptions needed.

I'm honestly feeling pretty strong although a few people at the yoga session mentioned I was pale. I think anyone would be pale after sitting in a chair getting chemicals pumped into their body and then speed walking around Central to make it to a yoga class. Shall take it carefully next week. Have permission note to return to work next Wednesday-Friday working full time, then continuing after the holiday. Will take things one day at a time, can't worry about what I don't know, can't fret about energy, will just stay positive about getting to work and enjoy being around people I've missed for three months. My concern is dealing with negative nellies and having to redirect their conversation with their worries about me in every interaction. Already happening right and left and it isn't what I'd like to have conversations about... staying positive is what I want. Shall see, can't control others and their worries, assumptions, and caring concerns. Can just control my reactions, right? I know people have the best of intentions and I also know some will be assuming/wondering things like, "What is Debbie doing back at work? Is she going to faint on us? Can she handle the workload/teaching? Isn't her immune system to weak too be around a school?" I have no idea, can just have positive attitude and enjoy time there with the best of intentions to fulfill work obligations and keep my health as a priority simultaneously. My kiddo has been faithfully introducing germs my way as is my husband who works at another school, so not assuming anything, just going to be careful. Might be slipping a mask on when I see an especially sick group of kiddos, already wrote to my wonderful school nurse and asked for hand sanitizer which I will be applying throughout out the day! I already have things sorted a bit for instruction and am looking forward to catching up with students and staff.

Received this lovely scarf/hat from a wonderful friend- 

thanks Debra, perfect timing as it is getting a little chilly now.

I actually went to the store the other day and picked up a few pairs of leggings/pants since I was swimming in pairs I have and a little desperate for different selections, 

so happy to find ones that actually fit.

*Yes, I'm noticing my eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning,
part of life... Happy to be here.

Thanks for journeying with me...