'Bye hair, so grateful, kiddo sharing and Hong Kong update

Felt this morning that I was a science experiment with all the hair I was washing off my head... had dealt with it falling out constantly the day before and it was honestly upsetting... Sat and ran my fingers through my hair seeing more and more fall out with each light touch. I just didn't want to go to bed and find huge piles of hair in the morning. So, I contacted my hair stylist (who is out of town) who connected me to someone who was kind enough to shave off my hair. I contacted my friend Amy who attended the haircutting four weeks ago with such care, friendship and support. She dealt with the shaving with good conversation and distraction and took a few pictures too... Good to have her with me to go to a nearby wig shop to check on wig possibilities and helping me see the wig that made me feel like me... a little bit over many other overwhelming choices.  What a wonderful friend... What amazing friends I'm surrounded by around the world... feeling blessed.

I gave my son time to be a little in charge before getting it shaved... had him choose the scarf I'd tie around my pink hat after the cut... then when I got home I was wearing hat and scarf, he was happy and then started sniffling about not wanting my hair cut off... but then I asked him if he wanted to see my new wig or to see me bald. He chose the wig and LOVED it, said it was too long since he was now used to shorter hair (hah!) and was comfortable, could tell it helped him. Then at bedtime storytime he told me he was ready to see the baldness... and he was fine. He pet it and then did comparisons between my husband's scalp and mine. I'll be bald or have a fabric cap on at home and have fun with the wig, hats, and more for leaving the apartment... I like options. As I've mentioned before, I'm all about balance, not too much of one thing, just appreciate options. Really good to have a wig that looks like "me" now vs. one I borrowed from CancerLink that made me wince each time I tried it on...
 
My husband and I chatted as well. He's ridiculously supportive. I love him... so much. He began singing Randy Travis's song lyrics from one of our favorite wedding songs we danced to- Forever and Ever Amen - "But honey, I don't care, I ain't in love with your hair. And if it all fell out, well I'd love you anyway" - teared up but loved him more...

Here's that song for those who don't know it:

Thank you to all who donated to the Give Forward Donation page for me, so grateful and overwhelmed, really overwhelmed, in a good way.  Relieved as well to be honest...

My husband went with me to the chemo treatment today, two dose day, and it was good to chill with him (I love hanging out with my husband, a pick me up every day) and be distracted from the powerful poison that was pushed into my body. Also, having him at the quick oncology appointment was a godsend. He asks the questions I always forget to ask, like:
When is the next PET scan? Not til 12 weeks go by? Woah. I thought I was due for one in another week... was dreading the bill for it (and also the results)... All scans are out of pocket now, hit the limit on insurance three days after it was "refreshed" at the beginning of the school year. So, glad to have it at the end of chemo treatment... gives more time for the chemo to take action... kill those damn cancer cells, please!
What do you mean I possibly have to have more than 3 rounds of chemo in addition to radiation afterwards? All depends on my results... he might want to have one more round... then my oncologist slipped in that sometimes treatments go for 6 months (frickety frack!)... I will take a while to process these tidbits.
What is the plan with radiation? So radiation is worrisome since it is so close to my recent May radiation on my right breast, my oncologist thinks it is possible to do it... the local hospital oncologist at the hospital doesn't think it is necessary or safe... but he's known my case barely the amount of time that my oncologist has... not seeing local hospital oncologist again until November. (So begins conflicting information to think on between different doctors. Grateful to have the option and chance I suppose...)
**Hong Kong update, on the way to my treatment for chemo today, my husband and I took the MTR into the Admiralty station. It was tense there. Super tense and a little scary. There is always a huge load of people but then I noticed 8 security guards hovering in the main pathway near MTR shops around this loud group of people who were yelling at others, looking a little vicious, and worrisome. I quickly walked by and my husband thought they were just tourists. Me? No. Honestly, I know there's groups of people who have now been hired to be rabble rousers and create chaos and violence in a peaceful situation. It upsets me and disappoints me... I also know that there is a lot of information flying around that is purposefully being shared to confuse and worry others. Not much else to say about it. To-from treatment was safe for me and my husband was there if there was any risk- which there wasn't... but boy have police and security increased near the protest sites! For those who know nothing about this, sharing another video, this time from a favorite Vlogger- Hank Green, appreciate his information, simplified and not completely accurate about long history of trying to have democracy here in Hong Kong but insightful overall.

Was thinking about how grateful I am for advice I've read and tried...
I've received some good advice over the past year with my cancer experience.

1. If you have long hair, cut it short so that it isn't as upsetting when you go bald from chemo. ABSOLUTELY BEST ADVICE for me.
2. Save your eyebrows with contact paper in case yours fall out, the location of eyebrows is hard to remember once they're gone... my oncologist doesn't believe I'll lose my eyebrows- ok, wouldn't complain, shocked when he said this... but still.... anyone have contact paper?!?!
3. Dig deep and find what will bring you to the chemo treatment every week. For me? Honestly? People. I love people and really appreciate companionship, even if I fall asleep, I'm so grateful to have someone there... especially my special friends, husband and... ANTICIPATION my best friend Sheli from Alaska who is visiting in a few weeks and my sister Rachel who is visiting soon after her... so so grateful both will visit Hong Kong and support me and my family and excited... especially hopeful for a little energy during their visits but also will just enjoy quiet time with them as well... two people I've loved and adored for so long... coming here. There's huge anticipation there... huge.
4. Join CancerLink Hong Kong and appreciate the support, don't be deterred by the huge focus on Chinese members. CancerLink gave me a list of wig shops and then told me reasonably priced places... went to one today and appreciated having a friend with me for advice... thanks Amy.
5. Enjoy food and find more ways to get it in your system. I did a happy dance when the nurse told me today that I finally put on weight. Has been a long time- months- since I heard those words. Never knew I'd be so excited to put on the pounds. But honestly, phew. Even more compelled to eat that chocolate cake my friend lovingly made for me for my birthday and Happy Cow ice cream- balanced with vegies, chicken, fruit, fresh juices, etc... I know, all a balance.
6. Listen to what you want and manage other suggestions as you wish. For example, my oncologist thought I was NUTS when I said I was shaving my hair today. He said, "I wouldn't recommend that, you have so much hair, might not all fall out..." I flat out said, "It feels terrible to touch my head and have my hair falling out so much plus it is so itchy I need to free myself now. Why would I wait in hope that it might not all fall out?" He patted my shoulder. He's dealt with many stubborn patients. I follow his directions for medical rules, etc... but personal choices? My realm, respectively.
7. Bring art back into your life. - My beautiful sister brought this up and I thought about what I've enjoyed in the past... I do have an art background, endorsed in Art Ed. (along with Elem. Ed/Special Ed) way back when with more a focus on Art History to be honest... and my favorite things? sketching, fabric arts, origami, and crochet.  So... little by little adding them back in. I brought crochet back into my life- brought to treatment today and then realized that it was stupid to even hope, can't move my left hand during the infusions! So I worked a little on crochet this afternoon, happy day. Decided to follow the fantastic illustrator/author Debbie Ridpath Ohi (I interviewed her on my other blog, brilliant and talented woman) on her #Inktober challenge to sketch something each day and post on Instagram... really enjoying it as a new routine... random, low expectations, etc. November is PiBoIdMo- Picture Book Idea Month- another practice I've done for two years, some interesting writing ideas have come from this-- writing is an art in my opinion by the way...
8. Embracing the humor. Laughing with friends who've shared hilarious pictures, videos, and so much else, really grateful for the consistent support in bringing humor into my life. My mom is sending fun videos, my dad is too, and my sister is the neverending source of support, usually through fabulous Pinterest ideas. If I'm feeling down, I do honestly go to finding humor again. Sometimes enough people's frowns on the MTR path will drop me down, funny how I'm influenced by other's moods... so I've watched a few videos friends have shared many times to lighten my mood.

I have many others suggestions I'm grateful I tried... almost like writing my daily gratitude journal here... but seriously, I'm grateful, growing, supported, appreciative, and feeling loved and blessed. Thank you for ALL the support.