Weekend time

This morning was hard and then good.
I got to CancerLink and enjoyed a little yoga, picked up my ticket for their "Celebration of Life" at some big stadium tomorrow afternoon. Shall see if I have energy to go. Bringing husband and kiddo along if we do go. Had to duck out of yoga early, much to my chagrin as I would have enjoyed catching up with a few friends after class. Same thing will happen next week, sigh.
I had an appointment with my oncologist. That was hard. By the time I got to the appointment I felt like... I was the walking dead. Almost as weak as when I was leaving the hospital after the operation. Didn't enjoy the MTR ride over to the clinic, an elderly woman pushed me during entry (rarely do I get pushed) and I got a seat anyways. Letting go.
At the clinic I got my weekly blood draw but it hurt more. My poor veins are darn tired of needles. And much more sensitive after all these months of chemo, etc. Funny how that is but I was warned. I found out that I was running a low-grade fever and had lost 5 pounds in one week. 5 pounds. So many of my friends struggle and worry about weight, that is, getting weight off. But to lose 5 pounds in one week made me want to weep. I've worked so hard to put that weight on. I was at a healthy weight of 127 pounds (not anywhere near what I used to be) and I was proud of that weight. I don't like going below 130 to be honest because I bruise like crazy when I don't have any cushion on me... and I've seen more bruises this week. Sigh. Now hovering below 122...
My oncologist suggested putting me on an IV drip right then. I told him I wanted to go eat a burger and spend time with my friend. He made me promise to drink more yucky sports drinks to boost my electrolites (I tolerate Pocari Sweat here, too much sugar but at least I know it helps) and drink a lot of water. He's also concerned because my nosebleeds have started again, the chemo makes me have nosebleeds so it isn't much of a surprise to me... Just dealing...
I talked with my oncologist about the looming PET scan. I told him I was concerned about the rush to have one. He told me he just wants to get me strong and recovered from chemo at the moment and we'll talk about the PET scan in June. Ok. Sounds good. I think. I told him I'd prefer to avoid the PET scan until school is over. What's the point really of finding out before? I have stayed positive about things but honestly, I can't even consider any treatments/operations, etc before we're back in the states. I want his opinion and certainly plan to have the scan before we leave but... meh. Not in a rush... peace of mind? I'm better putting it off and getting stronger during June. Shall see what he says once I'm feeling better. He's very respectful but also isn't hesistant about speaking his mind about what he knows is best for my care.
I'm to watch my fever. If it goes up or if other things come up, I'm to go on antibiotics twice a day. I already have the prescription. Shall see. Fever isn't down yet. I checked.
I was able to meet up with one of my favorite people here in Hong Kong and have lunch and then book shop together. Spending time with my friend Tanja is always a "picker-upper" for me. We visited a book sale and I got 25% off a few books for school, woot. Wasn't too impressed with what they marked down 80% but was happy to have the energy to hang out and book chat.
Looking forward to work next week. Only 4 days of school and then a long weekend. My husband is excited because he's going to scuba dive in the Philippines. I'm happy for him. Looking forward to spending time with my kiddo too, just the two of us...
This afternoon I read a website that had some really good advice for people who are dealing with metastatic cancer like me. The American Cancer Society article is called "When Cancer Doesn't Go Away". Trust me, I can hope for it to go away but am honestly just realistic as well.
http://www.cancer.org/treatment/survivorshipduringandaftertreatment/when-cancer-doesnt-go-away
Appreciated the advice and thoughts.
Damn cancer.
Going to read and relax and drink many fluids.
Thanks for journeying all.

A spin for the positive

Well. I was a little upset this morning having to go for another chemotherapy round. But after an hour, I was feeling pretty positive. This week I didn't have to get blood drawn which is always lovely. I saw my oncologist and talked with him about all the pain and coughing I've been having. He poked, prodded, looked at my bruise, listened to my lungs, tapped me in all these different places and concluded that I had bronchitis but that my lungs were surprisingly clear. I have to be on a few medications to clear things up but that's ok... It is bearable to swallow pills that could stop me from heavy painful coughing. That's all I needed to hear from him, deep breath in, out. Reassurance.
I am so glad that I got to do these last two rounds of chemo with my oncologist. I'm comfortable at the clinic. I like and trust the nurses. They make me feel valuable and cared for. There were 6 patients all getting chemo today. I got to the clinic a bit early at 8:10 and saw my oncologist at 9am. Then at 9:30 am they started the heating pad on my hand. Then around 10:00am I got the line in my left hand. My veins are recovering from the last rounds of chemo. I can heal. At 10:30 I started getting the pre-drugs- allergy and antinausea medication. At 11am I got Taxol and it took 3 hours to get it in me. It is normally 1 hour but since I'm only doing two chemo infusions for the last two rounds, I get the triple dose. Then I got Avastin at 2:00pm and Carboplatin at 3:00pm. Then at 3:40pm they started pushing saline into me to clear out my vein, this lasted til 4:30. That's a long time overall. Like a full time job.
I shared with my nurses about an interesting new invention that lessens the complications some have with their veins, the ladies thought it was good to read about:
http://www.industrytap.com/veinviewer-means-no-poking-people-relentlessly-locate-veins/27706
They were also excited to talk with me about the lyphodoema specialist I saw... I felt useful and able to share a little knowledge, made me feel more at ease...
I had a book to read, it was good. I am enjoying an audiobook called You can change your life by Louise Hay which is really helpful. I had magazines and games to play as well. I even got to Skype with my wonderful parents until my mom noticed that I yawned a few times within a minute. I did nap on and off, didn't fight it but there were so many people around me I didn't deeply nap/sleep. I finished with a smile.
I walked back to the MTR feeling at peace. I found a place to sit down. I got back to Causeway Bay and visited the pharmacy. As I was walking to the pharmacy I tried out what Louise Hay mentioned in her book, that you can have positive intentional thoughts... so I thought "I'm going to have a good visit to the pharmacy and they will have what I need." I went to the pharmacy where they recognize me and are really helpful and friendly. I talked with the owner who asked how I was doing and feeling. He looked at my list of medication (8 drugs in one prescription sheet, sheesh) and said, I am giving you a discount today. So I got reasonably priced medication. Then he said to me, please make a copy of this receipt and then when you visit again, I will match with the same price for the prescription you buy. Ok, done. That was certainly a good visit to the pharmacy.
I enjoyed the visit with my son when I got home even with a few glitches in our interaction and then had a delicious dinner and a really helpful qigong session packed with breathing exercises which was just what I needed. The anti-inflammatory has really helped me plus I think I'm feeling mentally better about things so the pain in my lung, side and back has lessened. I'm so relieved about that...
Getting thru the days. Will see about tomorrow. Take the day carefully. Take my anti-nausea medicine. Not push myself. Looking forward to it. Think it can be a good day. My husbadn has asked me to take taxis for his peace of mind as a journey around for the next week. I can certainly respect his wishes. I did take the MTR home but that was because the appointment was in Mong Kok and it is a new place for me and I felt calmer just taking the elevator down and going into the MTR to go home vs walking around buildings looking for a taxi stand, felt like I was protecting my energy...
As always, thanks for journeying with me, visiting on my ups and downs, for a chemo treatment day it had a few downs but I'm just really surprised how many ups I've had... One more and then I am done with chemo. Wow. I can take it all day by day but "one more" makes me smile presently.

Still can't quite smile at first in these sessions but I got my bottom to the seat.

Drugs working their way into me...

I appreciate that the needle is mostly covered...
Heat pad underneath me to ease the pain and stinging as the medication went in...
Was ok, not terrible pain, just eased with a little heat.

Going ahead, going ahead...

I've been in a tailspin down down down this week even as much as I knew better, I couldn't refocus my brain. I have been dealing with heavy coughing this week. It is really annoying. I also am dealing with some new pains that really upset me. My brain surprised me. I hadn't thought cancer when dealing with pains in the past but this time I freaked out. I haven't talked with my oncologist yet but I'm now down off the cliff, mostly. I noticed an odd bruise in the lumpectomy area which was worrisome and my scar tissue under my armpit felt terrible. Additionally my right lung returned to having that butterfly thump when I breathed in/out and some sharp pains in other areas of the lung. I know I'm acutely aware of my body and the signs it is giving me. I'm also aware that I have a lot of nerve damage after surgeries and radiation as well. So. Shall see what my oncologist thinks on Monday. Hoping that I actually sleep tonight. It didn't help that this week has been abysmal for sleep... with the coughing, pain, and more I've been a bit miserable. I think the anti-inflammatory has helped lessen the amount I was dealing with on Monday. The worst was Wednesday when I couldn't hold up the book I was reading to students with my right arm and I had to pause at times to deal with the pain spasms. Coughing randomly throughout the day doesn't help matters. I've taken cough medicine and no, it doesn't help. Lung pain might be an infection although I haven't had a fever... will find out soon.
So... yeah. Dealing with that.
The local hospital situation is over. My husband went in for me on Friday to talk with the oncologist who said the team of oncologists discussed and decided on option 1- wait and see. Heck no. That's not our plan. That's not ok with us.
I never cancelled my chemo appointment with my oncologist so that's on for Monday. Told the insurance company and the other person who encouraged me to check with the options at the local hospital the results. Done with one unknown. Gonna get thru this.
Really enjoyed the conference I attended with friends. Had a fun bbq fancy dinner with Megan the night before. I feel amazed at how lucky I am to have wonderful friends, professional development that inspires, and can't believe that I live here, in Hong Kong, where I can hop on a jet boat with a few hundred people and travel to another region... just a Hong Kong id card and passport and hello Macau. I'm not a gambler so bright lights and glitz simply make me chuckle. Serious security guards in banana yellow formal jackets make me chuckle as well.  Had a fun time there.
Thanks for journeying

My friend I've met thru a cancer support group sent me this. So true.

I liked the lighting at the hotel we stayed at...

Holiday and it feels so good

Made book earrings. Admire people who make jewelry so much!

Bali
Whoo hoo for a little time away.
Appreciate holidays.

Have to type posts on my iphone since my ipad won't let me on Blogger. Sigh. 

Here's something I've had on my mind... I really like not being the cancer patient with strangers. It's a weird relief. I never really enjoyed talking about my arthritis thru the years unless it randomly came up (usually because of my food choices) or would help someone. Now cancer really can be hidden as well. Hmm.  

Sure. My wonderful friend is here with us for this trip. She's keeping a close eye on me and having fun at the same time. (Megan has been around and supported me thru all three diagnoses plus chemo and weekly visits for qi gong, etc. Such a good friend.) 

Time with my husband and kiddo is treasured. Even the times when the kiddo is a little annoying and over enthusiastic, feeling lucky. 

I like not being mostly bald this trip. Not as much conversation about cancer.  I still get fatigued at times and need a rest but overall I'm not being held back and I'm having fun. 

I'm posting pictures on Facebook and instagram and will have blog posts with adventures included. 

For now just a few glimpses. 

Had fun working on batik. 

Like this picture my friend Megan suggested and took. 

Friend shared this article, really useful.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-18004/the-ultimate-guide-to-cruciferous-vegetables.html

No place like home...

Happy New Year! I wrote this on Facebook the other day, thought repeating it here would be good:

New Year Words: This past year has been packed with many words. Above all? Gratitude. I'm so grateful for family support, for friendships I'm lucky enough to have around the world, and ever so thankful and grateful for all who have been doing their generous part in lifting me and my family up over the past six months from play dates to running a fundraiser to sending me positive messages to visiting us all the way over here in Hong Kong to hanging out during treatments to visits on my low days to Skypes that lift me and so many more supportive actions. I know and feel the love and support. Gratitude. Sure there are other wonderful words I could touch on but that one encapsulates my feelings. Looking ahead to a new year full of treatments and healing and changes for me... So much to appreciate and enjoy every day. Here's to a Happy New Year to all my friends and family, much health and peace and fun your way- and many wonderful book experiences as well!

Very happy to discover a new series through Pemberly Digital called The March Letters. I loved reading Little Women multiple times as a child and appreciate a modern day interpretation of them on The March Family Letters:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_ePOdU-b3xf69PZcEbgxlviLrBhJ_cpp

I had my appointment this morning (hard since with flight delays we didn't get home til midnight- YAWN) and got two doses. One more next week and done with chemo drugs for a little while... then two more doses at higher amounts with three weeks in between...

I have an appointment scheduled to see my radiologist this week. My oncologist surprised me (he never ceases to do this) by saying that I do not need a break at all for recovery that I should go right into radiation treatment right after next week's dose. Sigh but accepting. I'm not fond at all of this radiologist. Voiced my concerns with my oncologist about having radiation so close to the past treatment site and he said that this round is different as the radiation is going to a specific targeted area internally and they will focus on the tumor and also sparing the skin. That's a first. Shall see what the radiologist actually says. He's blunt but not quite in a kind way that I appreciate but at least I'll certainly learn everything he's thinking at once.

My face had a major high school looking breakout while I was in the Philippines, got topical ointment from doctor for it, hope it works!

Enjoyed the trip and break from chemo. Happy and grateful I was allowed to go. Had fun with family and friends. I'll blog about the trip every Sunday for a little while over at The Styling Librarian.

Thanks for journeying with me, looking forward to work and routines... Shall see about sleep and health and being careful as well.