Weekend time

This morning was hard and then good.
I got to CancerLink and enjoyed a little yoga, picked up my ticket for their "Celebration of Life" at some big stadium tomorrow afternoon. Shall see if I have energy to go. Bringing husband and kiddo along if we do go. Had to duck out of yoga early, much to my chagrin as I would have enjoyed catching up with a few friends after class. Same thing will happen next week, sigh.
I had an appointment with my oncologist. That was hard. By the time I got to the appointment I felt like... I was the walking dead. Almost as weak as when I was leaving the hospital after the operation. Didn't enjoy the MTR ride over to the clinic, an elderly woman pushed me during entry (rarely do I get pushed) and I got a seat anyways. Letting go.
At the clinic I got my weekly blood draw but it hurt more. My poor veins are darn tired of needles. And much more sensitive after all these months of chemo, etc. Funny how that is but I was warned. I found out that I was running a low-grade fever and had lost 5 pounds in one week. 5 pounds. So many of my friends struggle and worry about weight, that is, getting weight off. But to lose 5 pounds in one week made me want to weep. I've worked so hard to put that weight on. I was at a healthy weight of 127 pounds (not anywhere near what I used to be) and I was proud of that weight. I don't like going below 130 to be honest because I bruise like crazy when I don't have any cushion on me... and I've seen more bruises this week. Sigh. Now hovering below 122...
My oncologist suggested putting me on an IV drip right then. I told him I wanted to go eat a burger and spend time with my friend. He made me promise to drink more yucky sports drinks to boost my electrolites (I tolerate Pocari Sweat here, too much sugar but at least I know it helps) and drink a lot of water. He's also concerned because my nosebleeds have started again, the chemo makes me have nosebleeds so it isn't much of a surprise to me... Just dealing...
I talked with my oncologist about the looming PET scan. I told him I was concerned about the rush to have one. He told me he just wants to get me strong and recovered from chemo at the moment and we'll talk about the PET scan in June. Ok. Sounds good. I think. I told him I'd prefer to avoid the PET scan until school is over. What's the point really of finding out before? I have stayed positive about things but honestly, I can't even consider any treatments/operations, etc before we're back in the states. I want his opinion and certainly plan to have the scan before we leave but... meh. Not in a rush... peace of mind? I'm better putting it off and getting stronger during June. Shall see what he says once I'm feeling better. He's very respectful but also isn't hesistant about speaking his mind about what he knows is best for my care.
I'm to watch my fever. If it goes up or if other things come up, I'm to go on antibiotics twice a day. I already have the prescription. Shall see. Fever isn't down yet. I checked.
I was able to meet up with one of my favorite people here in Hong Kong and have lunch and then book shop together. Spending time with my friend Tanja is always a "picker-upper" for me. We visited a book sale and I got 25% off a few books for school, woot. Wasn't too impressed with what they marked down 80% but was happy to have the energy to hang out and book chat.
Looking forward to work next week. Only 4 days of school and then a long weekend. My husband is excited because he's going to scuba dive in the Philippines. I'm happy for him. Looking forward to spending time with my kiddo too, just the two of us...
This afternoon I read a website that had some really good advice for people who are dealing with metastatic cancer like me. The American Cancer Society article is called "When Cancer Doesn't Go Away". Trust me, I can hope for it to go away but am honestly just realistic as well.
http://www.cancer.org/treatment/survivorshipduringandaftertreatment/when-cancer-doesnt-go-away
Appreciated the advice and thoughts.
Damn cancer.
Going to read and relax and drink many fluids.
Thanks for journeying all.

Peeking over the shadow

What I can look up at during lunch duty at school...
Bauhinia tree

20/30 done 10/30 left. Brain always goes to chemo after thinking about radiation but I guess this is natural. Will celebrate the days in between.
Been thinking about life...
How I keep thinking that I'm a shadow of myself... can tell I'm hitting that fatigued state that I hit during the last two rounds of radiation. I remember being annoyed with myself the past two times but this time I'm working to be patient and loving with myself.
If I have to be a shadow of myself, I need to try to be the best shadow of myself. What do I like most about myself? Where do I direct my energy? Why should I dedicate any time for worry or anger that could be focused on love and support?
Working to think out activities... I'm excited  that we've changed our plans and now are able to have tickets to move home to the US in July and also visit Bali. We're going there for Spring Break/Easter holiday. Very happy and curious to see what we get to do. I'm slightly sad to not get home over the coming holiday but since we're moving home, it feels wise to travel cheaply and adventure a little more in Asia.
Have focused this month on sharing my sense of humor with others... making children laugh? a treasure. Making my son laugh? HAPPY day. Hearing my husband laugh? warms my heart... When I actually laugh aloud? Rare. I usually laugh in my head.

Here's something that made me laugh aloud recently:
I was chatting with some of my older students during their lunch break in the library the other day. One reader was holding a book I adore (and actually even mentioned here before) - Because of Anya by Margaret Peterson Haddix- the book is about a girl who has alopecia areata- losing all hair. Talked with the girl and others about how I cut/donated my hair to Locks of Love in the past. One student said to me: "That's quite funny Mrs. Alvarez because some students were saying that you were wearing a wig but instead you've donated your hair for a wig!" I said to him, "I did that a long long time ago... Hmm." Later I chuckled and chuckled about this...

I haven't talked about wearing a wig with any of the kids. But I do have permission to wear a hat at school now. Quite comfortable when I have a hat on... Shall see. I do know that this past Friday I told myself that I no longer would wear the wig to school. Hoping to not place it back on my head, shall see. Enough about wigs and hair.

Little baby eyelashes are starting to grow out now. Once again I had that thought at first, "huh, thought I washed off my makeup last night. Oh, that's little hairs growing out!"
Going to start writing lists again to prepare for the July move. When to provide notices, pack, mail boxes, deal with paperwork, and more...

So grateful for this break from work.... Long naps and sleeping til a normal hour is just beautiful to enjoy. Makes days go by and treatments a little bearable.

Interesting information on mushrooms that can prevent cancer here in this article, a lovely friend sent it my way...
http://www.positivehealth.com/article/cancer/cancer-killing-medicinal-mushrooms

Getting through the days... one at a time.

Thanks for journeying with me...