Holiday and it feels so good

Made book earrings. Admire people who make jewelry so much!

Bali
Whoo hoo for a little time away.
Appreciate holidays.

Have to type posts on my iphone since my ipad won't let me on Blogger. Sigh. 

Here's something I've had on my mind... I really like not being the cancer patient with strangers. It's a weird relief. I never really enjoyed talking about my arthritis thru the years unless it randomly came up (usually because of my food choices) or would help someone. Now cancer really can be hidden as well. Hmm.  

Sure. My wonderful friend is here with us for this trip. She's keeping a close eye on me and having fun at the same time. (Megan has been around and supported me thru all three diagnoses plus chemo and weekly visits for qi gong, etc. Such a good friend.) 

Time with my husband and kiddo is treasured. Even the times when the kiddo is a little annoying and over enthusiastic, feeling lucky. 

I like not being mostly bald this trip. Not as much conversation about cancer.  I still get fatigued at times and need a rest but overall I'm not being held back and I'm having fun. 

I'm posting pictures on Facebook and instagram and will have blog posts with adventures included. 

For now just a few glimpses. 

Had fun working on batik. 

Like this picture my friend Megan suggested and took. 

Friend shared this article, really useful.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-18004/the-ultimate-guide-to-cruciferous-vegetables.html

Did you just say "sewing machine"?

Another week buzzing by. Enjoyed these days at work and home...  Might be offline for a few weeks except a word here and there. Leaving my laptop at home while we travel this time. I'll have my iPad but am not as comfortable typing on that.

Grateful I booked an appointment with my acupuncturist on Tuesday. I was in a bit of pain in my back and chest. Plus my stomach wasn't treating me very kindly... the day after acupuncture treatment I felt incredibly better. Qigong that evening helped as well I'm sure... starting to make qigong part of my daily routine.

This afternoon I met the lymphedema specialist to see if there was anything I need to be concerned about or careful with and was quite reassured by the end of the appointment. I learned how to give myself a lymphatic massage and also he whipped out his sewing machine and created a compression garment that looks like half a corset made of stretchy fabric and foam cut to shape for my breast that has been painful since September. Just for sleeping though. Woo hoo to a solution that doesn't include something going over my shoulders. Thrilled. Presently I don't need to worry about my arm/legs but I need to be aware and careful of how they are feeling/doing.
If needed for friends in Hong Kong: Nathan Bridgeman was professional, thoughtful, helpful, and reasonably priced. http://www.cltvr.com.hk/mavista/cms/en/About_Our_Therapist
*I'm not quite over how quick he created the compression garment for me, this guy was a talented, experienced expert and I was thrilled to watch him make some of it on his sewing machine! Shall see how it helps me out. Doesn't feel like a torture device, just feels supportive. Plus, it was nice to work with an American who I didn't have to stumble with for communication...

There's nothing like having goals. Presently, there are many... but I'm not overwhelmed, yet.
First: trip to Bali. Grateful we were able to shift tickets and make this an affordable possibility. Especially happy that I have a break from treatment and can enjoy this with my family without being in a partial chemo stupor. (Fully admit, most of the first week of our trip to the Philippines I was knocked flat by chemo I'd received the day before our flight.)
Second: transition preparation. Getting thru paperwork. Getting thru purging. Going thru library projects so that things can be fantastic for the next teacher librarian and my lovely library assistant who has patiently dealt with project after project this term. I packed two boxes at school of personal items (bringing quite a bit less back to the US but that's ok). Going to begin using the postal system and mailing boxes home on a weekly basis.
Third: Chemo. Get thru the last to rounds. Meh.
Fourth: focus on the move to the US. We're down to 104 days until we're home. Wow. It is really going quick.

I'm trying to put cancer aside and enjoy the days. My husband did have to talk me down from a ledge last night when I started worrying about when I'd get the last two chemo treatments, etc. Shall see. He reminded me that worrying and wondering was useless until I see my oncologist in a few weeks.

Hey, there's more hair there!

It is funny to get so excited over hair. But I am. I got a little jolt when I noticed my baby fluff hair on my neck. Loved seeing my eyelashes back in full force. Nose hair? Meh, made me laugh. But having the hair on my head growing back makes me happy. It is odd how it is growing back but I see and feel curls! Hooray hair.

It is starting to hit me how much I will miss Hong Kong. I love the people I work with, they inspire me. I love my librarian friends, they provide such support, love and energy. I adore my Jewish community friends and am heartbroken to leave a community that I feel special and welcomed in... We have other wonderful friends that I'll miss too... Sigh. I know I've missed Oregon for the same reasons plus I miss my family a ridiculous amount but man, I will miss Hong Kong, it has embedded in me and there are so many things I think about on a daily basis that have helped me grow, stay calm, and learn over the past three years. Sigh. Had a good conversation today with my human resources contact who has helped me deal with the insurance nightmare and is quite kind and friendly... She was so relieved when she found out that I'm returning home to a job (I don't know what yet, but I'm hopeful/excited/happy) and that I'll have insurance. Yes, that is a big thing to be reassured by. She also liked that I'd be 5 minutes from my parents house... excited to move back into our old home... Very sweet woman. Appreciate the people that have been there for me and saved me over and over since August '13. 

I'm still glancing at my VirtueScope every day. (Helps to have it on the wall next to my side of the bed.) This is my month to focus on "resourceful"... Well, I've always felt that I'm pretty resourceful, but it has been a nice word to think about every morning. As a teacher librarian, I'm all about resources. As a blogger, I feel resourceful when I'm recommending books and websites and such. Hmm. Next month? Dignified. Hmm.

I sat down and counted out weeks. I've worked for 11 weeks now. Without needing to take a sick day. Wow. I didn't think that would be possible. Especially with still going thru chemo treatment in the beginning and all thru the darn radiation and side effects. 11 weeks. 5 1/2 weeks were radiation... After this holiday there will be 11 weeks more of work. Shall see how those weeks treat me. So grateful to my amazing recovering body. 

Well, thanks for journeying with me... shall try to post here and there while we're on this trip but never know about internet connectivity.

No place like home...

Happy New Year! I wrote this on Facebook the other day, thought repeating it here would be good:

New Year Words: This past year has been packed with many words. Above all? Gratitude. I'm so grateful for family support, for friendships I'm lucky enough to have around the world, and ever so thankful and grateful for all who have been doing their generous part in lifting me and my family up over the past six months from play dates to running a fundraiser to sending me positive messages to visiting us all the way over here in Hong Kong to hanging out during treatments to visits on my low days to Skypes that lift me and so many more supportive actions. I know and feel the love and support. Gratitude. Sure there are other wonderful words I could touch on but that one encapsulates my feelings. Looking ahead to a new year full of treatments and healing and changes for me... So much to appreciate and enjoy every day. Here's to a Happy New Year to all my friends and family, much health and peace and fun your way- and many wonderful book experiences as well!

Very happy to discover a new series through Pemberly Digital called The March Letters. I loved reading Little Women multiple times as a child and appreciate a modern day interpretation of them on The March Family Letters:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_ePOdU-b3xf69PZcEbgxlviLrBhJ_cpp

I had my appointment this morning (hard since with flight delays we didn't get home til midnight- YAWN) and got two doses. One more next week and done with chemo drugs for a little while... then two more doses at higher amounts with three weeks in between...

I have an appointment scheduled to see my radiologist this week. My oncologist surprised me (he never ceases to do this) by saying that I do not need a break at all for recovery that I should go right into radiation treatment right after next week's dose. Sigh but accepting. I'm not fond at all of this radiologist. Voiced my concerns with my oncologist about having radiation so close to the past treatment site and he said that this round is different as the radiation is going to a specific targeted area internally and they will focus on the tumor and also sparing the skin. That's a first. Shall see what the radiologist actually says. He's blunt but not quite in a kind way that I appreciate but at least I'll certainly learn everything he's thinking at once.

My face had a major high school looking breakout while I was in the Philippines, got topical ointment from doctor for it, hope it works!

Enjoyed the trip and break from chemo. Happy and grateful I was allowed to go. Had fun with family and friends. I'll blog about the trip every Sunday for a little while over at The Styling Librarian.

Thanks for journeying with me, looking forward to work and routines... Shall see about sleep and health and being careful as well.

Holiday. More than just cancer

Appreciating this holiday. I can look away from the disease and have a little forgetting about cancer at times which is beautiful. Vacationing with friends is such a wonderful experience since we can have wonderful conversations, great peaceful experiences, and our boys have fun entertaining one another instead of needing parent entertainment. (Single child in household sometimes means parents are the entertainment.)

We are at our switch now. Been horrible Internet so far, we don't think the next place we are flying to even provides Internet (this resort had meh connection that completely died a few days ago.) sneaking in this quick post enjoying the fact that for the first time in 14 weeks I don't have to be poked with a needle. Two more right after returning but that is ok. 

I painted my fingernails. Was getting more upset and honestly obsessed by how more and more of my nail beds were  infected/weak underneath. Not that painting nails makes everything right but instead it calms me a tremendous amount to look at something that pains me (yes, started feeling sharp pains on and off in fingertips and toes) and see something somewhat pretty. 

Only had to talk about cancer with a few of the locals who were kind and worried. English speaking is good here, especially in comparison to Hong Kong. One woman bought me some local super fruit and made me a smoothie with it. Shall be investigating it further even though it didn't taste terrific. 

Thanks for journeying with me. We will miss our friends who head back tomorrow, we are off on another adventure tomorrow in another area of the Philippines. I've had a week of ups and downs with energy so hoping will just continue ups and not push myself too much. 

The fruit is at the top and one snapshot of me at resort restaurant. Hooray for hats, hair still growing out but I'm not ready to share yet. Figure when I can look in mirror and feel confident then I'll be free outside with head coverage. I see a tiny bit of my hair curling though a little just more grey than brown so far. 

Happy holidays and New Year to all. 

Update Squeaking in #14 and Heading OFF

My kiddo's art, surprised me. Love it.

So excited for the holiday!
Happy that I got into work for three days. Think that I've gotten over the weakness stigma that I was judging myself with for taking sleep medication- what a godsend it is. I really needed sleep Wednesday night after having one of those "can't believe I have insomnia it isn't the first day of school for goodness sakes" the night before...

I've really missed my coworkers. Many leave mid year, mid term, etc... it isn't that they don't love Bradbury, just the life of teaching in a school filled with many expats (many locals as well). I was so grateful for my supply teacher/substitute, she was so wonderful, organized the library with a new set of eyes, got projects done that brighten up areas that needed brightening, and took care of my wonderful staff and beautiful students... So grateful I could simply walk in and teach Wednesday-Friday. SO lucky I am. And my school.  So it was terrific to be back. I chatted with someone and agreed that the true test of my energy will be in January when I'm coming back after treatment on Saturday and work a whole week. As long as I don't feel overtaxed or such, I'm going for it, I'm working... BUT I'm watching myself carefully. Today I had to run to catch a bus and still had energy for that but never know. Grateful for every minute I have.

Debbie, how did the kids/staff react to your hair/wig? All support and respect from staff... they're lovely. Kids are brutally honest but I was ready. "Mrs. Alvarez you look so different!" "Mrs. Alvarez, what happened to your hair?" "Mrs. Alvarez, your hair looks weird." "Mrs. Alvarez I missed you, I know you've been sick, what was wrong?"
My reaction? I said to the wig/hair comments: "Well, this is my hair now and I'm getting used to it, it is what I have and part of me." They seemed to take that well enough. My answer to the what's been wrong, here's what I said to my students: "I've been sick for three stinky months. I did not like it. I'm not quite strong like a superhero yet but I am strong enough to see and teach you, so I'm happy to be here." The kids who pushed further got a "I really don't want to talk about that personal information." - I've learned over the years with sweet kiddos that you don't leave the door open for further questions, just flat out say what you feel and they'll stop. I'm respectful and redirect the conversation afterwards. Some of my students know I had cancer, they think it is lung cancer (because that's what it was diagnosed as when I left work, that's ok, do they have to have those details?) Some of my (honestly) favorites really learned the truth and handled it quite well and just asked some thoughtful questions about how I was feeling and told me they missed me... I only saw half my students this week, will catch up with the rest after the holiday.

#14 Treatment sucks as always (what's new, right?). My concern about my half-covered-with-a-bruise hand wasn't necessary since I'm alternating hands. Keeping up with the topical bruise medication... One of my favorite nurses was quite pleased with the vein she used today. Who knew veins would be exciting. My hands aren't happy presently as I'm using much much much hand sanitizer but I'm also using some terrific hand lotion from many thoughtful friends who just knew what I needed. Only one drug this week... and flying out. Can't wait. Can't wait. Talked with my oncologist further about what would happen with treatment... two more- those Saturdays after the holidays. Then a BREAK. Then radiation. He said "We hope to get rid of the rest of the cancer with radiation." I'm trying to be confident about going back into that tube. It was painful and I'm a little concerned about how my throat/bronchial tube will react to getting zapped... plus the past radiation area will be touched as well which isn't thrilling. Shall see. Then after radiation, if I'm strong and can handle it, "clean up chemo"- two more treatments just three weeks apart and then shall see if there is further prescriptions he wishes to give me. So I see a light. I see 2 more chemo rounds, radiation and 2 more chemo rounds- that means 4 more times I'll be stuck with that long needle in my hand/arm. I can accept that. I'll work hard so my body can also accept it. I'm feeling stronger this week. A little wiped, a little excited about the holiday, and happy about seeing students and staff. My administration has been respectful, bluntly honest and concerned, but respectful. I've hit them with another thing that I'll share soon enough and they've been kind and patient. I'm so so so grateful for the situation I'm in. I read about others dealing with cancer who don't have the support I do.

Grateful for all the support online, wow. I feel so lucky and loved... and grateful...

I subscribe to Soul Pancake- YouTube channel- have subscribed for a long time and LOVE it. L-O-V-E it... when I have time to watch it. I came across a new series they're putting out, below are the first two. Short 3 minute-ish videos. So honest, raw, humorous, touching... love them.
Highly Evolved Human:

Also appreciated this 60 Minutes report on Mindfulness- my mom sent my way, thank you Mom!! :)
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/mindfulness-anderson-cooper-60-minutes/

Finally, I also read this post by a Cancer Survivor/Thriver- 13 Ways I live my life with purpose after cancer:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tamika-felder/13-ways-i-live-my-life-with-purpose-after-cancer_b_5241858.html
I agree with every single item on her list but disagree. I live my life with purpose during this triple hitter cancer experience, it is imperative to have goals and be purposeful. My husband told me the second day after I returned to work how happy he noticed I was. How much more active I was than other days... Today was a harder day (treatment sucks). I enjoyed work but was honestly grumpy and a little snappy during/after treatment. This is due to leaving my safe cocoon... I've picked myself up by looking at happy "stuff" that refocuses me to the positive... Can't live in that negative. Finding my moments...

Feeling the love from my students....

Get well card book given as well... so touched.

Back around the corner

Right as I've found my energy and had a good three days in a row... here comes chemo... Le sigh.
Enjoyed getting to appointments, running errands, having special dinners, and even seeing a musical performance... I am happy with the outcome of the week... plus I enjoyed a few audiobooks and am in the middle of a fascinating one presently.
It is so hard to tell when I should keep my face mask on. I actually wore the wig for over 6 hours, that's the longest time for me yet. It is quite warm wearing a wig for so long. Glad I am able to do it though since soon enough I'll have to wear it for work.
Tomorrow- two dose day... shall see. Will see if I'm feeling strong afterwards enough to go see a movie... never know reactions.
PET scan is next Wednesday. Need to clarify how long it will take to get the results... Last time I had it in August it was a complete blur, just know it will take more than a few days. Last time I received a lovely bound booklet with an accompanying CD. Shall see how it goes.
Had to sort out all my vitamins, supplements, and medicine... happy to have it organized but it took over 30 minutes to sort it all out. I'm taking so many more pills nowadays.
I'm getting to the point where I'm anticipating the holiday that we preplanned/paid for back before diagnosis... I'm really staying positive about getting permission to go away for a little while... Bringing along the calendar tomorrow to see how to get extra chemo treatments in as needed.
I tried out a Yuen Method specialist on Thursday. It was an interesting process that I'm still thinking about. I received homework at the end- to watch for the next time I'm upset/angry and step back, take two long breaths and look at the situation as an observer, see how I react then. Hmm. Interesting. Know I've done that before but shall try it again.
Thanks for journeying with me, day by day... grateful for these "up" days and gearing up for whatever comes next...