Could it be?

Husband is back from his scuba diving trip to the Philippines.
He had quite a load of fun. So happy he had that time...

So.
I know I've talked about this pain in my side for a long long time. I also have been dealing with wearing sports bras and supportive tank tops as well. The other day I rotated to sports bras after weeks of wearing supportive tank tops. That day the pain was gone. Hmm. The next day I didn't rotate back to the tank top. No pain. Today? Wore a tank top. Go figure, pain. Could it be? Could I have been treating one symptom (cellulitis in r. breast) and getting another one? Could it be as simple as stopping wearing those tank tops? I love those things darn it. And I was feeling pretty well supported. But I'll try to investigate this further. Crazy body. Crazy reactions. Glad I noticed the connecting difference... I guess... - written Wednesday. Now Saturday: pain has eased up so much, what a relief. Annoying that what I've been wearing has been giving me so much pain...

So on to another pain for the past 2 weeks.... my stomach has been giving me such pain with cramps I haven't slept more than a few hours. So I talked with my oncologist about it. He gave me pain medication. He gave me another medication but unfortunately I couldn't find a pharmacy that stocks it... shall find it soon. Pain sucks. Pain medication helps a little bit. Was able to go book shopping with the kiddo and enjoyed spending time with him... Hoping to sleep better tonight. My oncologist got a little panicky when he found out that I lost weight again (couldn't eat much all week, not sure why, couldn't even swallow pills without gagging...) and he was also concerned about the pain and wanted to get a PET scan done sooner to find out what was going on. Shall see what happens in the next week.

Time is creeping up on us... Yikes to the move happening soon.
This past week I watched a show... it helped distract me from the stomach pain- Chasing Life- was on Netflix... pretty good. Heartbreaking too since it is about a 24 year old woman who finds out she has cancer and her life is turned upside down... I know some might avoid cancer related stories as I dealt with my own situation but watching this was helpful...

Our dog is doing better.... poor old girl. She's flying out before us... getting things sorted for her. She has many issues and one is that she obsessively licks and creates sores on her skin... I decided to try having her wear a t-shirt to distract her. Really worked well. She's adorable in them and I've noticed she's much calmer at night now and I don't have to worry about her licking anymore...
Shall see how the next weeks are. Chilling out and enjoying life as well as I can. Hoping that pain eases up so that I don't have to mask it with medication...
Thanks as always for journeying with me...

You're turning the corner, I know it is hard

Love my lunch duty time because I can see
such beautiful living things.

I haven't thought about writing much recently. This week has been a little challenging for me. I'm so grateful I had the previous week off. This past week I had 4 evening activities. Two were "goodbye" dinner events which are really hard for me. I don't enjoy goodbyes. I feel socially awkward in them usually. These two events though included some really interesting conversationalists and also some dear friends sitting close which made them special... and a little harder in a way. I was pretty much plugging my way thru each work day with patience. I love school. I've mentioned this before. I love students... they gift me energy and love...

For now though, I'm just fatigued. I've been dealing with some disturbing sleep patterns that I haven't had before where I fall asleep but can't sleep more than an hour at a time without waking up. And falling back to sleep is harder that I've experienced before. And the dreams I'm having are weird and vivid where I'm working out someone else's worries and concerns. For example: One dream I've been having for multiple days is about a woman who did testing on whales of some sort and realized that the testing was emotionally disturbing them so they were beaching themselves. I dreamed about the aftermath where she was heartbroken and having to defend herself. ... so just weird. So serious.
I'm taking it easy and napping a little bit since I'm in the middle of a beautiful long weekend.

Student led conference included science electricity demonstration.

My kiddo is having a terrific weekend... a little time with me and a chance to go to a movie together (Tomorrowland- pretty heavy handed with message but decent enough flick) and enjoyed a little time together but he's mostly away at wonderful friend's homes at sleepovers. Glad my husband and I organized them. Kiddo told me today he just cannot wait to move home to Oregon but he regrets that all these good friends he has now will be left behind... glad he's so reflective, good kiddo.
My husband is away in the Philippines scuba diving, really happy for him... glad he has this opportunity. Miss him though, been a long while since we've been apart for days.

I've had a little time to watch the Hay House World Summit movies... E-Motion, The Shift, and The Tapping Solution are the ones I watched today. Such interesting creations reflecting on the emotional state... appreciate them. They're free for around one more week. Hooray for free healthy resources. Grateful.  https://www.hayhouseworldsummit.com/lessons/the-tapping-solution/
http://www.thetappingsolution.com/

Trying out tapping actually started to distract me from my frustrating side pain and stomach pain I've been consistently having. I also started having back pain, perhaps because of all the bed rest. I went to get a massage (one more prepaid massage left!) and the therapist said to me "so you're getting fat". I chuckled at this for a while. Told her that I actually am trying to gain weight and that my Dr. is concerned that I'm not gaining weight. She was astounded. Funny how someone who works on bodies would state this or be surprised. I carry my weight in my legs, that's where she was looking. Still funny to me. Told a friend about it and she told me about how when she lived in Ghana it is traditionally the greatest compliment for someone to say that you are fat... that would be quite the thing to get used to!

Went to my oncologist yesterday and he told me I should be feeling better. That he thinks I've reached the turning point of this last round of chemo... shall see. Love that he also said "I know it is hard for you" and did the heavy hand pat on my back on my way out of his office, he's a good guy, shall miss his support. I can tell that I'm better than a week ago but the pain in my side is really distracting me, can't just ignore it sometimes... and no way to massage the area.

Was interesting when someone asked me the other day if I ever slow down. I didn't realize I was giving that impression of busyness anymore. I'm still blogging and working but really, I'm so much slower and more purposeful with where I put forth my energy... not sure why it came up. Maybe the person was trying to measure herself to me? Doesn't really matter. I told her that this whole diagnosis experience has made me slower and careful about pacing myself...

My dog can still hear loud thunder and lightning.
There have been many storms recently. Poor girl.

I'm working on the transition moving home. My important things were to connect with an oncologist in the US and get insurance for the few months I'm not covered by either job. I figured out insurance now and also contacted the oncologist I feel confident going to see... I have a load to "to do" things to do here before we move like getting a background check done with the Hong Kong police to show I'm clear when I'm back in the US... also I have to deal with various financial things- taxes, retirement paperwork, and more. Trying to just pace myself and get things sorted carefully. Things will work out eventually...

A friend shared this link on Facebook, really interesting to see which organizations own organic brands... kind of mind boggling.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/business/organic-brands/

Well, thanks for journeying with me. I'm taking things day by day as always... reaching deep in my toolbox for what will help me. Happy I am trying out tapping again. Happy days to all...

Ping Ping Ping

Appreciated this from Facebook...

Enjoyed the weekend, dealt with pain, coughing, and such but really appreciated time with family plus downtime. Coughing is easing up a teeny tiny bit...

Getting thru the days. Enjoyed getting back to yoga classes on Saturday. Missed for weeks. Will miss next Saturday but that's just one time...

Noticing hair coming out. Run my fingers thru the hair and get 3-5 hairs. My husband said "So don't do that!" But it is honestly itchy until I do do that... One went PING onto my food plate last night. Sigh. I'm NOT going to shave it off though.
Presently, hair falling out is nowhere near like when my amazing hair stylist thinned my thick hair around a year ago. Annoyed to deal with hair loss again. I've been dreading this for way too long. Good to just have it happening already.

Took a good walk with a good friend this afternoon. Helpful to talk out things for a while. Helped me realize that I'm getting concerned about too many things. I addressed many worries tonight, made some decisions about insurance situations that were weighing on me and more... Feeling calmer.
There are many, many unknowns right now, but when is there a time when there aren't? Focusing on having faith that things will work out they way they were meant to. Also focusing on a clean bill of health, no self sabotage. Sure, I'm addressing my frustrations, acknowledging when I feel despair but also trying to turn those thoughts to positives...
Next Saturday I'll get thru chemo. Last time. Getting there.

Mutts Comics plus Kris Carr = brilliance. Loved.

Went out yesterday and did a little swing dancing with my love. So wonderful to be dancing, to be spun around, to work as partners in that way. I just love dancing with my husband. I also simply love dancing. I've made it a goal that I'll be able to have the stamina to do zumba again. With qigong and yoga helping me get stronger, it is possible.

Thanks for journeying with me...

Off to dance.

If only I could get this comfortable and sleep as soundly as our sweet Dulcie dog.
She's doing a little better...

Going ahead, going ahead...

I've been in a tailspin down down down this week even as much as I knew better, I couldn't refocus my brain. I have been dealing with heavy coughing this week. It is really annoying. I also am dealing with some new pains that really upset me. My brain surprised me. I hadn't thought cancer when dealing with pains in the past but this time I freaked out. I haven't talked with my oncologist yet but I'm now down off the cliff, mostly. I noticed an odd bruise in the lumpectomy area which was worrisome and my scar tissue under my armpit felt terrible. Additionally my right lung returned to having that butterfly thump when I breathed in/out and some sharp pains in other areas of the lung. I know I'm acutely aware of my body and the signs it is giving me. I'm also aware that I have a lot of nerve damage after surgeries and radiation as well. So. Shall see what my oncologist thinks on Monday. Hoping that I actually sleep tonight. It didn't help that this week has been abysmal for sleep... with the coughing, pain, and more I've been a bit miserable. I think the anti-inflammatory has helped lessen the amount I was dealing with on Monday. The worst was Wednesday when I couldn't hold up the book I was reading to students with my right arm and I had to pause at times to deal with the pain spasms. Coughing randomly throughout the day doesn't help matters. I've taken cough medicine and no, it doesn't help. Lung pain might be an infection although I haven't had a fever... will find out soon.
So... yeah. Dealing with that.
The local hospital situation is over. My husband went in for me on Friday to talk with the oncologist who said the team of oncologists discussed and decided on option 1- wait and see. Heck no. That's not our plan. That's not ok with us.
I never cancelled my chemo appointment with my oncologist so that's on for Monday. Told the insurance company and the other person who encouraged me to check with the options at the local hospital the results. Done with one unknown. Gonna get thru this.
Really enjoyed the conference I attended with friends. Had a fun bbq fancy dinner with Megan the night before. I feel amazed at how lucky I am to have wonderful friends, professional development that inspires, and can't believe that I live here, in Hong Kong, where I can hop on a jet boat with a few hundred people and travel to another region... just a Hong Kong id card and passport and hello Macau. I'm not a gambler so bright lights and glitz simply make me chuckle. Serious security guards in banana yellow formal jackets make me chuckle as well.  Had a fun time there.
Thanks for journeying

My friend I've met thru a cancer support group sent me this. So true.

I liked the lighting at the hotel we stayed at...

Yup One of THOSE weeks

This week has been a struggle for me to be honest. I disliked Monday's visit with the oncologist at the local hospital. Tuesday and Wednesday I dealt with a lot of pain in my right lung and scar tissue under my armpit and more. It is limiting my range of motion, etc. Not sure why it is happening but riding the waves of pain and trying to refocus on healthy breathing even though it hurts. Funny enough, I'm certainly noticing my breaths while I go through the pain and realize when I'm breathing shallow, etc. Not sure if I slept wrong, slipped something out of place, etc. Just know I have pain. Shall see how the rest of the week goes. Started taking an anti-inflammatory and will see what my oncologist says. The pain is a tiny bit more bearable today- Thursday. Still finding it a little odd/disconcerting but working hard to staying positive and not worrying about one more thing.

So we are waiting for decisions from the local hospital still but can't do anything about that presently, sigh. I've made good decisions so far with my oncologist and I trust his plan.
I went to a cancerlink support group meeting Wednesday and the guest speaker talked on energy healing. She led us through two meditations- one was specifically on breathing and bringing energy in and the other was visualization. Interesting woman. Interesting process.
I appreciated this breathing exercise for people with insomnia, tried it last night, certainly distracted me into sleep. Reminded me a little of yoga nidra.
http://www.theglow.com.au/wellbeing/4-7-8-breathing-sleep-technique/#ZmpZbsQ
Breathe in 4 counts, hold breath 7 counts, breath out 8 counts. Sure. I can do that.

I apologize to any friends who became concerned after the last post. I'm trying to stay confident and positive about the plans ahead. The fact that we're exploring the local hospital doesn't mean I'm changing any plans. The local hospitals here are good. Just not what I'm quite comfortable with. BUT if they are willing to provide the exact same chemo plan my oncologist has made, then we would go with them. Otherwise, I'll go ahead with the chemo with my oncologist. This would mean beginning on Monday. I will not be going with the local hospital if they say "wait" or "only 2 of the three chemo drugs". As I mentioned, perhaps not clearly in my last post, I refuse to compromise my health. Gotta have Faith.

The days are good at work. I love the kids. Appreciate my time with colleagues. They make me laugh, think, reflect... such a kind, wonderful bunch of folks.
I'm looking forward to going to a technology conference on Saturday. I'll be going with my wonderful friend Megan and then see my friend Dianne make a keynote speech at lunch (I love her presentations, such a talent.)
I posted about the library job I'm leaving here in Hong Kong and am really hoping that my admin can find a good fit to replace me. Hope they find someone who can grow into the role, shall see.

Thanks for journeying with me...