You're turning the corner, I know it is hard

Love my lunch duty time because I can see
such beautiful living things.

I haven't thought about writing much recently. This week has been a little challenging for me. I'm so grateful I had the previous week off. This past week I had 4 evening activities. Two were "goodbye" dinner events which are really hard for me. I don't enjoy goodbyes. I feel socially awkward in them usually. These two events though included some really interesting conversationalists and also some dear friends sitting close which made them special... and a little harder in a way. I was pretty much plugging my way thru each work day with patience. I love school. I've mentioned this before. I love students... they gift me energy and love...

For now though, I'm just fatigued. I've been dealing with some disturbing sleep patterns that I haven't had before where I fall asleep but can't sleep more than an hour at a time without waking up. And falling back to sleep is harder that I've experienced before. And the dreams I'm having are weird and vivid where I'm working out someone else's worries and concerns. For example: One dream I've been having for multiple days is about a woman who did testing on whales of some sort and realized that the testing was emotionally disturbing them so they were beaching themselves. I dreamed about the aftermath where she was heartbroken and having to defend herself. ... so just weird. So serious.
I'm taking it easy and napping a little bit since I'm in the middle of a beautiful long weekend.

Student led conference included science electricity demonstration.

My kiddo is having a terrific weekend... a little time with me and a chance to go to a movie together (Tomorrowland- pretty heavy handed with message but decent enough flick) and enjoyed a little time together but he's mostly away at wonderful friend's homes at sleepovers. Glad my husband and I organized them. Kiddo told me today he just cannot wait to move home to Oregon but he regrets that all these good friends he has now will be left behind... glad he's so reflective, good kiddo.
My husband is away in the Philippines scuba diving, really happy for him... glad he has this opportunity. Miss him though, been a long while since we've been apart for days.

I've had a little time to watch the Hay House World Summit movies... E-Motion, The Shift, and The Tapping Solution are the ones I watched today. Such interesting creations reflecting on the emotional state... appreciate them. They're free for around one more week. Hooray for free healthy resources. Grateful.  https://www.hayhouseworldsummit.com/lessons/the-tapping-solution/
http://www.thetappingsolution.com/

Trying out tapping actually started to distract me from my frustrating side pain and stomach pain I've been consistently having. I also started having back pain, perhaps because of all the bed rest. I went to get a massage (one more prepaid massage left!) and the therapist said to me "so you're getting fat". I chuckled at this for a while. Told her that I actually am trying to gain weight and that my Dr. is concerned that I'm not gaining weight. She was astounded. Funny how someone who works on bodies would state this or be surprised. I carry my weight in my legs, that's where she was looking. Still funny to me. Told a friend about it and she told me about how when she lived in Ghana it is traditionally the greatest compliment for someone to say that you are fat... that would be quite the thing to get used to!

Went to my oncologist yesterday and he told me I should be feeling better. That he thinks I've reached the turning point of this last round of chemo... shall see. Love that he also said "I know it is hard for you" and did the heavy hand pat on my back on my way out of his office, he's a good guy, shall miss his support. I can tell that I'm better than a week ago but the pain in my side is really distracting me, can't just ignore it sometimes... and no way to massage the area.

Was interesting when someone asked me the other day if I ever slow down. I didn't realize I was giving that impression of busyness anymore. I'm still blogging and working but really, I'm so much slower and more purposeful with where I put forth my energy... not sure why it came up. Maybe the person was trying to measure herself to me? Doesn't really matter. I told her that this whole diagnosis experience has made me slower and careful about pacing myself...

My dog can still hear loud thunder and lightning.
There have been many storms recently. Poor girl.

I'm working on the transition moving home. My important things were to connect with an oncologist in the US and get insurance for the few months I'm not covered by either job. I figured out insurance now and also contacted the oncologist I feel confident going to see... I have a load to "to do" things to do here before we move like getting a background check done with the Hong Kong police to show I'm clear when I'm back in the US... also I have to deal with various financial things- taxes, retirement paperwork, and more. Trying to just pace myself and get things sorted carefully. Things will work out eventually...

A friend shared this link on Facebook, really interesting to see which organizations own organic brands... kind of mind boggling.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/business/organic-brands/

Well, thanks for journeying with me. I'm taking things day by day as always... reaching deep in my toolbox for what will help me. Happy I am trying out tapping again. Happy days to all...

Just a quick check in...

Weekends are helpful. Healing has been my focus.
This morning I got up early and volunteered thru midday at a tournament of the minds competition. My son attended as part of his school team but I didn't get to see him compete, just got to judge a bunch of other teams which was just fine, I like helping out...
I came home after a long walk with my son through Kowloon to Mong Kok (30 minutes, humid day) and then an MTR ride home and pretty much rested for the afternoon focusing my energy on this paperwork I committed to reviewing and providing feedback for online... So. Tomorrow. Rest. Grateful for a playdate and a patient husband who wants me to rest. And a kiddo who's excited to go for a playdate, etc.
I missed yoga today, sad but part of life when you have activities. Hoping to go next week.

Went online and found an interesting article on healing chakras...
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/06/the-ultimate-guide-to-self-healing-with-yoga-chakras/
I know this is my chakrah I need to heal:

4th Chakra

Location: Heart/center of chest
Sanskrit: Anahata/”unstruck sound”
Color: green
Element: air
Issues: love, friendship, kindness, forgiveness, devotion, generosity
Associated with: thymus gland, lungs, hands, heart, blood; immune and endocrine systems.
Governs: love, compassion, unconditional acceptance
Malfunction: high blood pressure, respiratory problems, heart and lung problems, feeling heartbroken

Healing Techniques

Music: classical, heart chakra playlistAffirmations: I am fresh. I am clean. I am unstruck. I am unstuck. I am loving. I am loved.
Poses: standing back bend, camel, reverse warrior, triangle, bridge, wheel
Connect with: the heart, the breath, the wind, maitriPranayama: full yogic breath
Practice: Bhakti yoga, yin yoga, restorative yoga
Meditation: forgiveness, Metta/loving kindness

A dear friend just got through surgery and I'm so relieved. It was six months of waiting for a surgery and she's been on my mind heavily. So happy for a successful surgery.

Waking up every morning and still feeling grateful. Appreciating life. Happy to be here on earth... I'll work on those affirmations though. Not certain about the yoga poses...
Will work on forgiveness as well. Dealt with a little disappointment with someone this week and working to refocus on forgiveness vs. feeling anger... plus feeling pity...
Been appreciating practicing qigong breathing exercises this week. Morning and night I've been giving time to it.
The coughing has not eased up yet. Annoying. Really annoying. Taking meds, being patient.
Going to see my oncologist on Monday. He's taking blood, checking on me, etc...
Then I'll find out when my next/last chemo round is... 8 more hours... I started doing art in focus of that day. That last day.
Going to refocus on reading and blogging for a little while. Sleep and rest as well. My sweet dog is still a little off, we're not certain what is wrong but think it is a little more than old age so probably bringing her to the vet soon.
Fridge seems to be working still, grateful for that. Plus it is nice to have a new washing machine...

Pretty quiet post.
Thanks for journeying with me...

Slow and steady week

Well. I've had a lovely but really slow week. I enjoyed various quieter activities through the week. Also, it was a harder week because I had to pace myself. That's not fun. I think my blood count might be down... or something... maybe a bug of some kind. My stomach isn't being kind, I'm not sleeping quite well, I feel weaker and am shaken after things that last week were simple, and I'm learning to just take it easy... speak up for myself... appreciating the little gifts of life.

Finding myself quite productive on my blog and avoiding my picture book manuscript writing. Amazing how quickly I can be productive when I'm avoiding things. I also have read a load of books this week and LOVED them. Grateful for my version of comfort food- eating books voraciously.

Fainting on Monday honestly threw me. I was chatting with my yoga instructor today about it. He pointed out that fear of fainting again probably presides over my mind and will likely slow me down if I don't relax and redirect my thoughts. Shall try. But at the same time also trying to read my body and know what my limits are... it's a whole new world learning to go slow.

Chemo tomorrow- 3rd cycle of 4 weeks, first week= 3 drugs, sigh. Not looking forward to it but do have good company, grateful.

Tried out one of the Yoga Nidra videos. Glad to learn another peaceful practice outlet, feel like I'm exploring so many things...
Got (I think) a little good news from my insurance company... I think... shall see... will get things sorted out eventually... I think. Having a little hope.
Also feeling blessed by friends and family, thank you to all... still so grateful that Sheli and Rachel visited...

Mostly, honestly, I'm just worried about my sweet dog right now. She's 14 and is my baby still. My constant companion, especially for each round of my fighting cancer... she's comforted me through recovery from three surgeries and when I look, she's watching me... or she's asleep. She has many lumps and bumps on her body... my husband and I agreed it was part of her aging. She doesn't get around as much as she used to but she's still eating and drinking fine, still hangs out with her people in whatever room we are in (although she is Daddy's girl, so mostly wherever my husband is if he's home) and seems like a pretty contented dog. I noticed last week that one big black bump was getting a little larger on her back right leg. She started licking it as well. :( Poor girl gets a little nutty once she starts licking something. Two nights ago she started chewing it. My husband brought her to the vet who said it needed surgery... but at the vet clinic their machine that puts animals to sleep is broken so we'd have to wait for TWO WEEKS before getting the surgery. We've asked for a referral to a different clinic and are looking into it because now she's wearing the cone of shame since she pulled the bandage off and chewed on herself again this morning... (it is not pretty and I'm the one who does the medication, cleaning, wrapping... which is fine but YUCK.) Plus my husband and I both lost sleep last night worrying about her chewing- thank goodness she has that collar on for this night... so I'm trying not to worry. Minor surgery. But she's not that happy presently which makes me not so thrilled either. Sigh.

Off to bed now... sleep hopefully will come and then in the morning, hooked up again to the drip drip drip of drugs.