Yup One of THOSE weeks

This week has been a struggle for me to be honest. I disliked Monday's visit with the oncologist at the local hospital. Tuesday and Wednesday I dealt with a lot of pain in my right lung and scar tissue under my armpit and more. It is limiting my range of motion, etc. Not sure why it is happening but riding the waves of pain and trying to refocus on healthy breathing even though it hurts. Funny enough, I'm certainly noticing my breaths while I go through the pain and realize when I'm breathing shallow, etc. Not sure if I slept wrong, slipped something out of place, etc. Just know I have pain. Shall see how the rest of the week goes. Started taking an anti-inflammatory and will see what my oncologist says. The pain is a tiny bit more bearable today- Thursday. Still finding it a little odd/disconcerting but working hard to staying positive and not worrying about one more thing.

So we are waiting for decisions from the local hospital still but can't do anything about that presently, sigh. I've made good decisions so far with my oncologist and I trust his plan.
I went to a cancerlink support group meeting Wednesday and the guest speaker talked on energy healing. She led us through two meditations- one was specifically on breathing and bringing energy in and the other was visualization. Interesting woman. Interesting process.
I appreciated this breathing exercise for people with insomnia, tried it last night, certainly distracted me into sleep. Reminded me a little of yoga nidra.
http://www.theglow.com.au/wellbeing/4-7-8-breathing-sleep-technique/#ZmpZbsQ
Breathe in 4 counts, hold breath 7 counts, breath out 8 counts. Sure. I can do that.

I apologize to any friends who became concerned after the last post. I'm trying to stay confident and positive about the plans ahead. The fact that we're exploring the local hospital doesn't mean I'm changing any plans. The local hospitals here are good. Just not what I'm quite comfortable with. BUT if they are willing to provide the exact same chemo plan my oncologist has made, then we would go with them. Otherwise, I'll go ahead with the chemo with my oncologist. This would mean beginning on Monday. I will not be going with the local hospital if they say "wait" or "only 2 of the three chemo drugs". As I mentioned, perhaps not clearly in my last post, I refuse to compromise my health. Gotta have Faith.

The days are good at work. I love the kids. Appreciate my time with colleagues. They make me laugh, think, reflect... such a kind, wonderful bunch of folks.
I'm looking forward to going to a technology conference on Saturday. I'll be going with my wonderful friend Megan and then see my friend Dianne make a keynote speech at lunch (I love her presentations, such a talent.)
I posted about the library job I'm leaving here in Hong Kong and am really hoping that my admin can find a good fit to replace me. Hope they find someone who can grow into the role, shall see.

Thanks for journeying with me...

Reflecting patiently, calmly

I've been thinking recently about my energy, or lack thereof.
It is ridiculously frustrating to be so tired that when I go brush my teeth I have to sit down on the floor so that I'm not shaking... (On my worst days...)
I'm a high energy type of person. I love to dance, Zumba, work hard, play hard, and enjoy life...
I chatted with my husband the other day about this. Told him how tired I was of how me being weak is the new norm. He reminded me that it is temporary. Is it? I've been told many times that I'm not ever going to be my normal self again after this third cancer diagnosis. I look back at my past life. Think about the gym we joined half a year ago that I haven't been to since August. Think about what I'm missing at work as kids grow up and get library time without me...
It is quite frustrating. I think back to years ago when a normal day included teaching, masters class, and salsa dancing... so different now.
But then I think about how I've changed already.
I'm more open to new treatments beyond acupuncture.
I certainly have learned to ride the waves of energy/lack, etc... read signs for medication needs, dealt with not fun side effects, etc. I know how lucky I am because I'm not curled up in the corner of my bathroom wimpering as I've read others have experienced at times with chemo side effects.
I'm exploring pulling, essential oils, dietary changes, energy healing, Qigong, chanting and more.
I was told by my friend yesterday who is an energy healer that she's impressed with how open I am to energy. How calm I was during the treatment. Asked me if I've always been a calm person... I've always had a good wall up that calms me during stressful situations. Hmm. I have always been able to distance myself when there are tough things confided and help others simply by listening, is this that calm?
Did I learn to be calm somewhere?
I certainly can be calm for hours while reading. Or working on my computer. Hmm.
Did I learn to be calm during radiation treatments? Laying still even with nose itches, side pain, awkward positions because I didn't want the radiation going to the wrong place... was it a form of meditation?
I'm hit or miss on the sleeping scheme, that's how I know I'm still my normal self in a way... but I'm grateful for how I've changed in other ways. I'm certainly braver and more patient when it comes to needles and such... I'm also learning to speak up for myself and ask when I need something. Reaching out to others is less of a challenge than it was in the past.
Dealing with the days.
Happy because my kiddo is home from 2-night camp adventure with classmates which he LOVED and enjoyed learning about kayaking and dragon boating and more... lucky kiddo. My sweet dog will be picked up soon from her surgery and I can't wait to have her back as well.
Thanks for journeying with me- even on my rambling days...