Taking my time

Now I bought a little bit... think it would be quite bitter for juicing.
Must use soon! Must find a way to use this! :)

Well. I'm done with chemo for the first time in the US. So Debbie, what's different? Not too much.
1. Avastin only. It provides me hope. A little bit. Until I can get some type of immunotherapy- no I'm not giving up. If you didn't notice by now, I'm a pretty persistent bugger. :)
2. They are not only vampires collecting my blood at the beginning of a treatment, they also enjoy collecting urine. Seriously, what's with the urine collection? Every time? After insurance not covering any of those tests for over a year, I have this foreboding feeling when they are administered now... but I honestly was reassured to have a blood test after 2 months free of them.
3. They take stinking FOREVER. Seriously. Even though I had a wonderful companion (thank you Joyce, so grateful) with me who helped me be distracted, it took over 1 1/2 hours to get going and administer the Avastin. Avastin only takes 30 minutes and doesn't need any pre/post drugs (hooray!) and so the time it took for everything else really was dreadfully long in comparison to Hong Kong. Made me appreciate that private clinic that had a blood lab and pharmacy right there taking care of everything efficiently.
4. They didn't poke me twice. Seriously. I found this to be so pleasant (as pleasant as getting a needle in your arm can be...) so pleasant to be set up with the needle in my vein and a blood draw from there vs. an initial blood draw in another location. Hmm.
5. The US does a cheaper set up with the needle. I don't mind it. Just different. Less firm. Do you notice? Seriously, dinosaur bandage. And when they finished and pulled the needle out they gave me a pink heart bandage. Hah. I'll be entertained. One nurse said, "Oh, we only use the special ones for you guys." Ok. Made me chuckle...

Laughing about the dinosaurs...

6. 3 weeks in between is going to be an adjustment. Not complaining. Annoyed that I have to go a day or so before to talk about how I'm feeling when an email would simply do. I did talk with the nurse about that yesterday. Waiting to find out about location/next appointment, etc...
7. Side effects? I'm stinking moody. I wondered today why I was so low and I've decided... Avastin. I also am having terrible sleep and am off from that. Starting a new job and that learning curve of meeting new people is also something that throws me off. I have a few friends at the new school but there's just so much darn "unknown" that's in my life at the moment... working on smiling. Going to get up earlier so I can do qi gong each morning to lighten my mood. It worked before!
8. Other side effects? Meh. My poor stomach. It is not happy. At all. But it isn't too scary. Shall see. Also I noticed a tiny nose bleed on Monday but nothing since... I'm still having those annoying hot flashes (I know they're NOTHING in comparison to what my friends go thru)... thank goodness for layers. Grateful I'm not getting to the fainting stage. Watching and pacing myself carefully.

I'm a little distracted with work. Have a feeling that my posts might be stretched out and then on chemo weeks I will share more...
Here's what I've found useful/fascinating lately online:

I liked this yoga routine- one you can do in bed, going to try it out, so simple and easy:
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-21395/a-relaxing-yoga-sequence-you-can-do-in-bed.html?utm_source=mbg&utm_medium=email&utm_content=daily&utm_campaign=150831-a-relaxing-yoga-sequence-you-can-do-in-bed

Appreciated watching this 60 Minutes report, my mom shared- thanks as always mom:
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/using-polio-to-kill-cancer-60-minutes/
Using Polio to kill cancer- what a fascinating possibility this is. I watched 3 videos through this link.

Hope for the future: messing around with MicroRNAs:
http://m.dailykos.com/story/2015/08/27/1416021/-Breakthrough-in-cancer-research-Off-switch-on-cancer-cells-may-have-been-found?detail=facebook

Hmm, this is quite the claim:
http://www.healthyfoodhouse.com/amazing-herb-kills-cancer-cells-in-just-16-hours/
Hmm.

Thanks as always for journeying with me...

Careful day by day even on down days

These days have been really rough. More than other chemo reactions, I think.

Monday- stomach flu plus chemo side effects left me almost fainting in bathroom trying to take a shower, etc. Barely ate anything.

Tuesday- pushed myself to go into work thinking I'd get thru like other days. Unfortunately, I got shakey and weak and couldn't even figure out how to get myself home until my kind principal sorted me out, walked me to get a taxi and sent me home. Barely ate anything. Tried to do qigong in evening but unfortunately I didn't have energy, class changed to Friday thanks to patient teacher...

Wednesday- felt shakey, didn't want to take the risk. At mid-day I got a call... received the gift of two more recovery days. After a little protesting I thanked my wonderful admin and then thanked my lucky stars. Still can't eat much, got some soup down.

Thursday- FINALLY I had ability to eat. Took two hours to eat breakfast but ate lunch a tiny bit speedier and my husband cheered for me at dinner when I ate my rice and veggies. Feeling weak still but just grateful for healing time.


Missing work and kids. Didn't expect to miss a whole week of work. Oh well. Last chemo, being patient with myself. Doing deep breathing. Now that I'm not as shakey, looking forward to doing qigong exercises again.


From my beautiful good friend who is recovering from a serious operation and has a clean bill of health, thank god:

If this experience has taught me anything it is that we are all in this life together...through the good times and bad. The only thing that makes it bearable is the love from family and friends. The Brazilians have a word called 'saldade' that does not translate to English well but in essence means a sweet longing. Sometimes it is for something you know will happen someday, you just do not know when, sometimes it can mean a sweet longing for something that may never happen but you always carry it with you with such hope and longing that words cannot describe it. Sometimes it is both things together. I feel such saldade for you, a sweet longing that your health straightens out, that your energy returns and you can return to the life you had before this all began.


Thanks for journeying with me...

Slow and steady week

Well. I've had a lovely but really slow week. I enjoyed various quieter activities through the week. Also, it was a harder week because I had to pace myself. That's not fun. I think my blood count might be down... or something... maybe a bug of some kind. My stomach isn't being kind, I'm not sleeping quite well, I feel weaker and am shaken after things that last week were simple, and I'm learning to just take it easy... speak up for myself... appreciating the little gifts of life.

Finding myself quite productive on my blog and avoiding my picture book manuscript writing. Amazing how quickly I can be productive when I'm avoiding things. I also have read a load of books this week and LOVED them. Grateful for my version of comfort food- eating books voraciously.

Fainting on Monday honestly threw me. I was chatting with my yoga instructor today about it. He pointed out that fear of fainting again probably presides over my mind and will likely slow me down if I don't relax and redirect my thoughts. Shall try. But at the same time also trying to read my body and know what my limits are... it's a whole new world learning to go slow.

Chemo tomorrow- 3rd cycle of 4 weeks, first week= 3 drugs, sigh. Not looking forward to it but do have good company, grateful.

Tried out one of the Yoga Nidra videos. Glad to learn another peaceful practice outlet, feel like I'm exploring so many things...
Got (I think) a little good news from my insurance company... I think... shall see... will get things sorted out eventually... I think. Having a little hope.
Also feeling blessed by friends and family, thank you to all... still so grateful that Sheli and Rachel visited...

Mostly, honestly, I'm just worried about my sweet dog right now. She's 14 and is my baby still. My constant companion, especially for each round of my fighting cancer... she's comforted me through recovery from three surgeries and when I look, she's watching me... or she's asleep. She has many lumps and bumps on her body... my husband and I agreed it was part of her aging. She doesn't get around as much as she used to but she's still eating and drinking fine, still hangs out with her people in whatever room we are in (although she is Daddy's girl, so mostly wherever my husband is if he's home) and seems like a pretty contented dog. I noticed last week that one big black bump was getting a little larger on her back right leg. She started licking it as well. :( Poor girl gets a little nutty once she starts licking something. Two nights ago she started chewing it. My husband brought her to the vet who said it needed surgery... but at the vet clinic their machine that puts animals to sleep is broken so we'd have to wait for TWO WEEKS before getting the surgery. We've asked for a referral to a different clinic and are looking into it because now she's wearing the cone of shame since she pulled the bandage off and chewed on herself again this morning... (it is not pretty and I'm the one who does the medication, cleaning, wrapping... which is fine but YUCK.) Plus my husband and I both lost sleep last night worrying about her chewing- thank goodness she has that collar on for this night... so I'm trying not to worry. Minor surgery. But she's not that happy presently which makes me not so thrilled either. Sigh.

Off to bed now... sleep hopefully will come and then in the morning, hooked up again to the drip drip drip of drugs.

Not so muddled thoughts

Taking breaks actually creating a little art has been nurturing. Glad I'm trying #Inktober where you create art with ink, doesn't have to be something complicated, each day in October. I like daily challenges like this, gives me a little focus and let's face it folks, I like focus... if you hadn't noticed that about me already.

So grateful for Give Forward fundraiser, relief is palpable. Thank you x 1000 to my friend Erika for pushing me to be open to gifts and to all who have gifted with words, support, and financially. Overwhelmed but appreciative....

Chemo effects from 3rd session of 12. I'm not sure how I feel about things at the moment. A little different than last two session reactions which I'll accept, it was a two medicine session so each week will be a little different. I was surprised to have not so much nausea. Instead I'm dealing with upset stomach, scalp freaking out, three crazy itchy mosquito bites from 4 days ago- they're easing up a little bit thank goodness for calamine lotion I'd forgotten I bought- normally I get welts with every mosquito bite but with my healing being inhibited by drugs the biggest welt actually got a blister... crazy, and a dry bloody nose - not bleeding- learned that I should... not blow my nose! Fabulous....

Honestly I'm also dealing with a little anger. My best friend was relieved that when we Skyped I wasn't as positive and happy as usual. I won't go into what made me angry but it is justified and I'm figuring out how to manage addressing the conflict so that it won't hang over my head. Not worth my worry a few years from now, so just trying to address and deal. As many who know me well I do have a few control issues and have worked to learn how to let go a little... sometimes that backfires.

Chatted with my wonderful life coach and got the BEST advice from her, besides figuring out how to get my bottom into the chemotherapy chair every week, how to calm myself at night... this is something I already have done in the past but I just hadn't done it in the evening! Are you ready for what gave me a good night's sleep for the first time in almost two months? Drumroll... Legs up the wall. Yep. Place a yoga mat on the floor next to the wall, put your legs up the wall with your bottom against the wall... hooray. Deep breathing, meditation, and a little quiet thinking helped me relax. 20 minutes later I quietly climbed into bed and actually fell asleep. Amazing. Much better to try this vs. resorting to sleep medication! Learned that if you have high blood pressure you can't do this though, careful my friends...

Enjoying qi gong still... appreciating the energy focus, health focus, and friends who attend...
One friend told me tonight that I should investigate answers to some of my health issues online... so grateful for the reminder. Found that my scalp issues occur with so many people who are dealing with chemo. I know I'm not the only one but wow to the resources once you start looking. After sorting thru many, I appreciated the tips for scalp issues here:
http://cincovidas.com/chemo-side-effect-red-painful-welts-on-my-scalp%E2%80%94what-can-i-do/
But of course will check in with my oncologist on Saturday about new not-so-fun symptoms as well...
Also trying out drinking brown rice water to help my stomach calm down a little. Shall see how that goes now that I'm going to drink it three times a day. I do so love drinking horchatas but this certainly wasn't. No added sugar and a little cinnamon does not a horchata make... but shall accept shortcomings if I can feel a little better.

Here are a few of my little #Inktober sketches, makes me happy to pick up a sketch pad again. Funny that I was never far from one all through my life until I was around 22... found a similar sketch pad to one I used to scribble in all the time, nice to have a different outlet for expressing thoughts. Just having fun with pen/markers... haven't felt like drawing on my iPad, etc... a drawing pad is enough for me!

I love my dog... watching her peacefully sleep is a new way for me to pass the time, always so grateful for her companionship...

I used to have a hedgehog... still slightly obsessed about them but I'll NEVER own one again. They are disgusting creatures... *I loved my little one and treated him very well... but NEVER again. There's a kid's story there, I'm working on sorting it out in my mind presently...

A special friend requested that I try out drawing a horse in honor of her birthday... used to draw unicorns all the time as a kid, I was one of those unicorn daydreamers, but this was... ok.

I love "Dot Day" each year and a friend asked me if I'd created my dot for this year yet... no I hadn't... grateful she suggested it, was fun to think about what represented me presently but also it was odd because the picture reminded me of my school's logo...

A good friend and I shared a birthday, she brought me flowers when we spent our birthday afternoon together... loved them, good challenge to get on paper.