Oh, duh!

A glimpse:
Gee. I feel pretty terrible. I wonder why? Shaky, weak, stomach issues, and more? Blood test says? Very low blood cell count. Ahh. That's right, chemo kills off blood cells. Glad I changed my oncology appt. to today. Answers on the spot, helpful. Might not get chemo on Saturday unless cell count goes up? Great... just want to be done already.
Gather up energy, head home. Jump in bed. Ask husband for a burger. Yes, that's right, a burger. Plus eat dinner. Time to feed the body. Rest. Rest. Rest. Kiddo time. Finish book together silently reading side by side. Reading aloud won't happen til the last few pages. Coughing fits galore equal my evening. Rest. Rest. Rest. Qigong. Sleep.

Appreciated this meditation video my acupuncturist told me about, good one: https://youtu.be/wHnl_XugJyE

Can't wait to make this horchata recipe- I LOVE horchatas, this one being healthy with chia seeds, etc. sounds terrific...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/05/01/horchata-recipe-rice-free_n_7185014.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000063

Quick journeying share but I got thru a low day and family time made things quite positive... so did a few classes today, enjoying unit I'm teaching and students I'm seeing. :)
Thanks for coming along as always...

Pulling Rabbits out of Hats and #13 Chemo

Feeling a little... tired of my oncologist. Think a break is in order- 8 days away. It hit me last night that I haven't been away from home for four months. I know many people don't get to travel/get away from home at all for years, but for me, I think I'm going a little stir crazy and am so excited to get away a bit.

Today my "counts" were done. Not happy. Not thrilled. Have to go back quickly tomorrow morning for an injection of Neulastim to help boost my white blood cell production. Heard it will hurt in joints, will take some medicine for that as well. I can sneak this treatment in right before my kiddo's birthday celebration...
http://www.neulastim.co.nz/what-you-need-to-know/
I did gain weight, I am quite pleased with my progress. The wonderful oncologist nurse who is the most honest and helpful bluntly said to me, "You know, that could be water retention from the Taxal you're on, so let's keep an eye on that..." sigh. I'm still eating double at most meals and trying my best to get healthy food into my system. Stomach isn't always lovely but it is fluxuating.

So, I talked with my oncologist about treatment, gave him the article I'm curious about, and began my 4th round of chemo. Took a really long time, enjoyed a podcast and reading an eBook and snoozing since I was on my own this time. 8:30-2:30... (Good I was on my own though, another day of 6 chemo patients all lined up getting treatment...) I was able to catch the MTR over to my last yoga class with the instructor I like/respect. Have notes, will try to keep up with practices shared. Mindful walking is a good one that I can do anytime with a focus on breathing and peacefulness.

My oncologist pulled another rabbit out of a hat. Super frustrated but so much is unknown you never know. He said today, "So after you're finished with radiation, I would like to do two more rounds of chemotherapy if your body can handle it." I honestly squawked a little and he acted like we'd talked about this before. Hmm. (Husband mentioned that he didn't remember anything about this... Glad I'm not going nuts.) He pointed out that this 4th round is to shrink the tumor and then a 5th and 6th round would be for cleaning up any cancer cells ping ponging around in my body after radiation. Not sure about this white blood cell count going down. Shall see how I'm doing and take things carefully, no assumptions needed.

I'm honestly feeling pretty strong although a few people at the yoga session mentioned I was pale. I think anyone would be pale after sitting in a chair getting chemicals pumped into their body and then speed walking around Central to make it to a yoga class. Shall take it carefully next week. Have permission note to return to work next Wednesday-Friday working full time, then continuing after the holiday. Will take things one day at a time, can't worry about what I don't know, can't fret about energy, will just stay positive about getting to work and enjoy being around people I've missed for three months. My concern is dealing with negative nellies and having to redirect their conversation with their worries about me in every interaction. Already happening right and left and it isn't what I'd like to have conversations about... staying positive is what I want. Shall see, can't control others and their worries, assumptions, and caring concerns. Can just control my reactions, right? I know people have the best of intentions and I also know some will be assuming/wondering things like, "What is Debbie doing back at work? Is she going to faint on us? Can she handle the workload/teaching? Isn't her immune system to weak too be around a school?" I have no idea, can just have positive attitude and enjoy time there with the best of intentions to fulfill work obligations and keep my health as a priority simultaneously. My kiddo has been faithfully introducing germs my way as is my husband who works at another school, so not assuming anything, just going to be careful. Might be slipping a mask on when I see an especially sick group of kiddos, already wrote to my wonderful school nurse and asked for hand sanitizer which I will be applying throughout out the day! I already have things sorted a bit for instruction and am looking forward to catching up with students and staff.

Received this lovely scarf/hat from a wonderful friend- 

thanks Debra, perfect timing as it is getting a little chilly now.

I actually went to the store the other day and picked up a few pairs of leggings/pants since I was swimming in pairs I have and a little desperate for different selections, 

so happy to find ones that actually fit.

*Yes, I'm noticing my eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning,
part of life... Happy to be here.

Thanks for journeying with me...

Slow and steady week

Well. I've had a lovely but really slow week. I enjoyed various quieter activities through the week. Also, it was a harder week because I had to pace myself. That's not fun. I think my blood count might be down... or something... maybe a bug of some kind. My stomach isn't being kind, I'm not sleeping quite well, I feel weaker and am shaken after things that last week were simple, and I'm learning to just take it easy... speak up for myself... appreciating the little gifts of life.

Finding myself quite productive on my blog and avoiding my picture book manuscript writing. Amazing how quickly I can be productive when I'm avoiding things. I also have read a load of books this week and LOVED them. Grateful for my version of comfort food- eating books voraciously.

Fainting on Monday honestly threw me. I was chatting with my yoga instructor today about it. He pointed out that fear of fainting again probably presides over my mind and will likely slow me down if I don't relax and redirect my thoughts. Shall try. But at the same time also trying to read my body and know what my limits are... it's a whole new world learning to go slow.

Chemo tomorrow- 3rd cycle of 4 weeks, first week= 3 drugs, sigh. Not looking forward to it but do have good company, grateful.

Tried out one of the Yoga Nidra videos. Glad to learn another peaceful practice outlet, feel like I'm exploring so many things...
Got (I think) a little good news from my insurance company... I think... shall see... will get things sorted out eventually... I think. Having a little hope.
Also feeling blessed by friends and family, thank you to all... still so grateful that Sheli and Rachel visited...

Mostly, honestly, I'm just worried about my sweet dog right now. She's 14 and is my baby still. My constant companion, especially for each round of my fighting cancer... she's comforted me through recovery from three surgeries and when I look, she's watching me... or she's asleep. She has many lumps and bumps on her body... my husband and I agreed it was part of her aging. She doesn't get around as much as she used to but she's still eating and drinking fine, still hangs out with her people in whatever room we are in (although she is Daddy's girl, so mostly wherever my husband is if he's home) and seems like a pretty contented dog. I noticed last week that one big black bump was getting a little larger on her back right leg. She started licking it as well. :( Poor girl gets a little nutty once she starts licking something. Two nights ago she started chewing it. My husband brought her to the vet who said it needed surgery... but at the vet clinic their machine that puts animals to sleep is broken so we'd have to wait for TWO WEEKS before getting the surgery. We've asked for a referral to a different clinic and are looking into it because now she's wearing the cone of shame since she pulled the bandage off and chewed on herself again this morning... (it is not pretty and I'm the one who does the medication, cleaning, wrapping... which is fine but YUCK.) Plus my husband and I both lost sleep last night worrying about her chewing- thank goodness she has that collar on for this night... so I'm trying not to worry. Minor surgery. But she's not that happy presently which makes me not so thrilled either. Sigh.

Off to bed now... sleep hopefully will come and then in the morning, hooked up again to the drip drip drip of drugs.