Getting pet

My kiddo has found my hair so soft that he finds it fun to pet now. Told me that he feels happy when he sees it growing out because he thinks it means I'm getting better...
This morning I had these thoughts (after a little extra sleep in- didn't feel quite myself so indulged in more time...).
"What is going on? I know I washed off my makeup last night. Why does it look like the eyebrow pencil is still there? *Move closer to the mirror.* Oh my goodness, those are little baby eyebrow hairs growing in! I had no idea I had so many eyebrow hairs before. I've missed you little ones..."
So, I'm taking it as another small step, eyebrow hairs are starting to grow in a little bit. Some aren't at all. Shall see how long/if they come back. Still using the eyebrow pencil.
Eyelashes? Eh. Shall see.
Hair? Most areas I'm noticing it growing in. It is soft. It is not curly. So I keep telling myself more might be coming.
It has been a pretty good weekend. Enjoyed family time, friend time, and the only time I didn't enjoy was when my computer completely died on me... I had no backup of stuff. Um. Oops. Quite upset. All my writing, gone. All my family home videos, gone. All my music, gone (sob- might have stored favorite cds in the US, I hope.) Oh well. My own fault. Nice people at Apple Genius Bar tried to rescue files with no success. Told me that I could go to a specialty recovery store and pay money for my computer to be restored/files found... um no. Just wipe the darn thing clean. And so he did, asking permission many steps along the way. Sigh.
Had a little pity party and now am thinking about the three manuscripts that I felt good enough to start sending to agents- but hadn't... rewriting is in order! Hopefully for the better. The other manuscripts are gone gone gone... didn't even print some. Sigh. New plans for the future. For now just dealing with loading applications and letting go.

Quick journal for tonight.
Continuing the journey, thanks for coming along...

No Sat Chemo Wow! Getting thru the week

So.
This week.
I was ambitious about.
Mon-Thurs - some activity every evening.
I have my doubts.
Shall see.
I'm not feeling fantastic.
I'm not feeling enthusiastic.
In fact... I feel a little crappy.
My right ear feels a little full, like my tube is full of liquid.
I have a headache.
I also have a shoulder ache.
I now understand (once again) what fellow cancer people feel when having pain and wondering if it could be cancer spreading.
I try to be positive.
Honest.
Some days just...

So... that was Monday night.
Now it is Wednesday. Ear is still iffy, headache eased up Tuesday, shoulder ache eased up as well.
I was grumpy for a while today because I was feeling pressure to hear from my doctor to discuss some insurance issues when I tried to explain them to a kind receptionist who didn't completely understand me... but it turns out that she really did understand and my oncologist really helped us with one huge worry and made it much less worrisome with some paperwork adjustments I suggested. (Phew.) I'm so grateful... now to see if things get sorted out properly... nothing is ever guaranteed...

Now... Friday afternoon...
This week was a blur with four evening activities. First one- qi gong- fantastic as always. Second one - librarians meeting - good to catch up and see colleagues, wonderful people plus learned about some resources that were new-to-me. Third one was a CanSurvive cancer support group meeting with a presentor talking about foot massage/reflexology- fascinating, glad I went. Fourth one was my critique writing group- always grateful for time together and feedback on my writing... keeps me focused through the month on editing and writing more ideas down.

Today I finished off the projects at work that I'm pleased with- good to have progress. Then I took a walk down to the hospital after school and walked into the radiation section, reintroduced myself, and asked what was going on with appointments and treatment plans. They told me that I was scheduled for Monday. Asked about when and was asked to wait... waited for 20 minutes and now know Mon. afternoon I have not only a lovely CT scan but also a fantastic MRI scan... blech. Has to happen with both to prepare for radiation treatment. Hoping I can have afternoon treatments but know that depends on availability, etc. Shall see...

My acupuncturist told me about this cream that should help with radiation burns:
https://springwind.com/catalog/burn-cream

Hooray for the weekend. So happy and grateful to have my first official Saturday free of chemo treatment. Sure, radiation is coming up but it feels good to see a light at the end of this tunnel.
Need some resting time. Catching up with family time.
Thanks for journeying with me.

Ickiest my nails have ever been: green, blue, yellow dead but they are growing out...
I couldn't stop messing with them with the polish off, so now I keep applying blue polish.
Discovered with a friend Innisfree nail polish that doesn't stink terribly, feels slightly better/healthier to use it.
Darn chemo, really got me this past month with my eyebrows and eyelashes falling out pretty drastically (I'm getting good at drawing in my eyebrows I think) and the tips of fingers and toes tingling/pain- besides the dying nails...

Pulling Rabbits out of Hats and #13 Chemo

Feeling a little... tired of my oncologist. Think a break is in order- 8 days away. It hit me last night that I haven't been away from home for four months. I know many people don't get to travel/get away from home at all for years, but for me, I think I'm going a little stir crazy and am so excited to get away a bit.

Today my "counts" were done. Not happy. Not thrilled. Have to go back quickly tomorrow morning for an injection of Neulastim to help boost my white blood cell production. Heard it will hurt in joints, will take some medicine for that as well. I can sneak this treatment in right before my kiddo's birthday celebration...
http://www.neulastim.co.nz/what-you-need-to-know/
I did gain weight, I am quite pleased with my progress. The wonderful oncologist nurse who is the most honest and helpful bluntly said to me, "You know, that could be water retention from the Taxal you're on, so let's keep an eye on that..." sigh. I'm still eating double at most meals and trying my best to get healthy food into my system. Stomach isn't always lovely but it is fluxuating.

So, I talked with my oncologist about treatment, gave him the article I'm curious about, and began my 4th round of chemo. Took a really long time, enjoyed a podcast and reading an eBook and snoozing since I was on my own this time. 8:30-2:30... (Good I was on my own though, another day of 6 chemo patients all lined up getting treatment...) I was able to catch the MTR over to my last yoga class with the instructor I like/respect. Have notes, will try to keep up with practices shared. Mindful walking is a good one that I can do anytime with a focus on breathing and peacefulness.

My oncologist pulled another rabbit out of a hat. Super frustrated but so much is unknown you never know. He said today, "So after you're finished with radiation, I would like to do two more rounds of chemotherapy if your body can handle it." I honestly squawked a little and he acted like we'd talked about this before. Hmm. (Husband mentioned that he didn't remember anything about this... Glad I'm not going nuts.) He pointed out that this 4th round is to shrink the tumor and then a 5th and 6th round would be for cleaning up any cancer cells ping ponging around in my body after radiation. Not sure about this white blood cell count going down. Shall see how I'm doing and take things carefully, no assumptions needed.

I'm honestly feeling pretty strong although a few people at the yoga session mentioned I was pale. I think anyone would be pale after sitting in a chair getting chemicals pumped into their body and then speed walking around Central to make it to a yoga class. Shall take it carefully next week. Have permission note to return to work next Wednesday-Friday working full time, then continuing after the holiday. Will take things one day at a time, can't worry about what I don't know, can't fret about energy, will just stay positive about getting to work and enjoy being around people I've missed for three months. My concern is dealing with negative nellies and having to redirect their conversation with their worries about me in every interaction. Already happening right and left and it isn't what I'd like to have conversations about... staying positive is what I want. Shall see, can't control others and their worries, assumptions, and caring concerns. Can just control my reactions, right? I know people have the best of intentions and I also know some will be assuming/wondering things like, "What is Debbie doing back at work? Is she going to faint on us? Can she handle the workload/teaching? Isn't her immune system to weak too be around a school?" I have no idea, can just have positive attitude and enjoy time there with the best of intentions to fulfill work obligations and keep my health as a priority simultaneously. My kiddo has been faithfully introducing germs my way as is my husband who works at another school, so not assuming anything, just going to be careful. Might be slipping a mask on when I see an especially sick group of kiddos, already wrote to my wonderful school nurse and asked for hand sanitizer which I will be applying throughout out the day! I already have things sorted a bit for instruction and am looking forward to catching up with students and staff.

Received this lovely scarf/hat from a wonderful friend- 

thanks Debra, perfect timing as it is getting a little chilly now.

I actually went to the store the other day and picked up a few pairs of leggings/pants since I was swimming in pairs I have and a little desperate for different selections, 

so happy to find ones that actually fit.

*Yes, I'm noticing my eyebrows and eyelashes are thinning,
part of life... Happy to be here.

Thanks for journeying with me...