A bit of a down week

Had to go to the dr. for pretty much the whole day on Friday. Somehow, I have an infection (something bladder related?) and also I was dehydrated again.
Sigh. How was I dehydrated? I don't know. Really. I'm drinking water all day. Swallowing water has been much easier lately. And today I had a yoghurt... I don't know what's going on but I am still eating slowly but starting to "eat" again here and there which is a relief. One of the nurses today when she was administering my third dose of Nivolumab said that I needed to not forget how to swallow and then corrected herself realizing that I'm still swallowing...

Was really relieved to get Nivolumab today. And then on Dec. 5th is my 4th dose.... then my oncologist wants to do a CT scan to see about tumors, etc. Crossing my fingers. Staying mostly positive... although this week when I was nearly blacking out again because I was dehydrated was really confusing. Glad I got into the dr on Friday and had things checked out. On Monday I saw my oncologist and she brought up that I might be dehydrated but then said that all the lab work didn't indicate it... so I didn't contradict... but now, if I wake up shaking, almost faint, etc. I'm calling right away to ask for a fluid IV push. I've never liked needles stuck into my arms and getting fluid that way does suck... had to get 2 bags yesterday which took 1 hr and 15 mins each... but well worth it for waking up today without feeling faint. I also had to have a chest x-ray to make sure that I didn't have pneumonia or anything, nope, phew. And the feeding tube was part of the x-ray and everything looks "right" with it- good... now if it would just stop sending pain waves I'd be happy...

I have been losing weight. I admit it. I shifted back to the original formula mix for my feeding tube that has more calories and am trying to eat things that might boost calories as well. Going to start bringing drinks beyond water and formula to school again in the hopes that I can stay hydrated and boost my health. Shall see.
My oncologist told me part of the reason the feeding tube hurts me so much still is that I'm so darn skinny that there's no cushion. So everything is pretty darn sensitive. I've noticed that, especially those days when I'm stuck in bed and feel bruised on my hip because I can only lay on my left side and that hip is just skin and bone... Can't wait to gain weight. I remember when we got home from Hong Kong and I was so proud to finally be at 130 lbs, oh where did I go wrong back then? Oh yeah, ding dong tumors...

Thinks I noticed randomly connected to using the feeding tube:
1. The clamp on the feeding tube is really useful.
2. If you don't have the clamp locked and you're feeding yourself, do not cough. Do not blow your nose. Otherwise you are going to get an explosion of liquid and other things from your stomach. YUCK.
3. I don't "push" my food in, I pour it in a tube thing and then have to wait for it to drain into my stomach. If it is the end of the day, it doesn't go so smooth. What normally takes 15 minutes to feed myself takes 30...
4. If I lean back at an angle, my stomach releases air and makes freaky sounds. (I think they're freaky, as does my mom, my husband on the other hand hasn't said a word.)
5. Do not get distracted when feeding yourself. Especially towards the end when you're really just wanting to be done. That's when mistakes happen and your stomach gets the better of you and water spills all over your jeans mid day at work... sigh.

I look forward to chilling out tomorrow with a few very good visits and then getting back to work without worrying people. On Thursday I called my parents and asked them to accompany me home because I just didn't trust how I was feeling... Sigh. My parents helped me for three days straight with visits and appointments and support. Very grateful. This past week was shoddy for my attendance... Monday was ok, Tuesday I left at 1:30, Wednesday I went to a meeting at noon- couldn't move sooner without feeling faint, Thursday I went to work after noon and stayed til 4 and then had parent support... Friday- missed work. Hate how quickly I'm using up sick hours/days that I'd accumulated so conservatively through the years in my district but thank goodness I have them... very grateful.

So... my focus presently is to figure out things (besides doggone dairy) that will boost my calories but won't make me choke or hurt - tried to eat some noodles yesterday. Whoops.  Didn't get stuck/pain in my esophagus but it was close... and as anyone close to me knows, I live for noodles... Sigh. I'll figure out a way.

Thanks for journeying with me as always... quietly getting thru the days.

Really interesting approach to Parkinsons Disease:
http://www.cbsnews.com/news/fighting-back-against-parkinsons-in-the-ring/

Birthday and Pacing Myself

Lovely yoga time with my friend.
Special entrance to the fitness club.

Well. Already wrote this post and everything was lost... rewriting is a little brief.
Days have flown by.

Birthday treat.

I'm alive.
I'm swallowing food, mostly, mornings are hard but by dinner I'm doing better. Couldn't swallow my supplements this morning.
Today was a little challenging.
My body reminded me to stop. right. now. today when I went to a conference.
I enjoyed a morning workshop, presented about creating a reading classroom community and booktalked 70+ books in 55 minutes, and then I enjoyed watching wonderful authors receive book awards and share wonderful thoughts... After an hour, sitting in a chair was not agreeing with me. Very frustrating. I got up while the keynote speaker shared. No resolving pain or exhaustion. Went and found a couch on the other side of the building. Laid down. Took about an hour to feel ok. A catering staff person brought me water. Another person asked if they could call anyone. Then they gave me lunch early... I ate a little bit and felt a tiny bit better.

Special birthday flowers from a friend.

Special birthday flowers from family.

Went and said hi to a few beloved authors and quickly got in my car and drove home. Felt strong enough and wasn't in as much pain/exhaustion by that time. Rested pretty much the rest of the day.
Got thru the past 9 days ok. On Monday I saw a genetic counselor (mostly a waste of my time, useful for my family hopefully) and also my naturopathic dr. He didn't have much to suggest for me with the swallowing and such, just wants me to get to another oncologist to get a second opinion, that's happening in a few weeks.
Enjoyed work even with training interruptions. Appreciating not just being a cancer patient there. I'm a valued staff member. Most of my coworkers know how I am with the medical situation but they don't dig too much, just a good caring group. Love that kids are smiling when I come in the room now to teach... Also appreciated a birthday serenade from a class of first graders- good friend made sure people knew it was by birthday... I shared it with anyone I was walking around with, never been one to be quiet about celebrating my birthday.

Birthday dinner time with my love.

Enjoyed family dinner time. Went to Pastini's and actually ate everything on my plate. Including tiramisu cake...
The next week is full of medical stuff.
I'm seeing a radiation specialist on Tuesday and Thursday I see a gastro-enterologist and oncologist. Then Friday I get Avastin again.
Still learning how to read my body and be patient with myself... since my body seems to be changing, I feel a bit unpredictable.

Love my present from a former student who runs Cranes of Hope.
Lovely blessing for my car.

Thanks for journeying with me as always...

Glimmers, noticing them

Tuesday afternoon:
Having glimmers of hope here and there.
Talked with a oncology nurse who is also an advocate about my case. It was enlightening.
I learned that I might not have to go thru a study to get the immunotherapy drug I'm interested in.
I learned that I might be able to get financial help to take the immunotherapy drug I'm interested in.
I learned about genetic testing/Foundation I testing to analyze exactly what is going on with my tumor(s) especially after a second cancer diagnosis.
Link to info on Foundation I testing:
http://foundationone.com/docs/FM_SpecimenGuidelines_2015-03-17.pdf?__hstc=197910000.ca54bd200688390fb3cfffed497960ad.1401198872498.1432697851762.1432747722833.28&__hssc=197910000.2.1432747722833&__hsfp=196914911


Talk about a turnaround.
I talked with a radiation oncologist today and appreciated every minute. Didn't expect to say that, but I did.
We talked about many things.
The big thing that resonated for me was that she would not want to radiate my tumor area until a year has passed from the past radiation treatment site. A year. Yes, that means the tumor is growing and worrisome, but a break from radiation. I can fully accept this.
She said if there was an increase in symptoms from the tumor then she would probably change that plan- symptoms would include a dry cough, blood cough, obstruction leading to a collapsed lung...

She plans to refer me to a genetics counselor. She said "Honestly, any time a patient has more than one cancer diagnosis, we send them to a genetic counselor." Ok, sounds wise to me...
I appreciated knowing that it is highly unlikely that I'll be dealing with an operation anytime soon. Instead I'll probably be dealing with the following things:
In August:
CT with adrenal protocol to figure out what is going on with my adrenal gland
Tissue biopsy for my tumor in my chest
Other possible tests...
In September:
Possibly another PET scan
Genetics counselor

Watching Highly Evolved Human episodes always makes me smile. Appreciate the perspective... This time he shares about how having a job was so liberating in the middle of his chemo treatment. I get that. It wasn't good for me to be home for so many months... I love being around other people and having a purpose beyond being a "cancer patient"...

I went to a link today that is a "why not?" one: blue water:

http://beforeitsnews.com/alternative/2015/07/blue-solar-water-heals-the-body-and-spirit-here-is-how-to-make-it-3191218.html
Looks like a healthy way to have a different type of drinking water! Thanks for the heads up about this Lenore! :)

Friday more thoughts- 
Ok, a few thoughts and communications have occurred.
The board met and talked about my case more.
They said that the adrenal gland and lymph nodes will be their focus presently. They want to get a biopsy of my adrenal gland and do a mutational analysis of the cells.
Then I will need to meet with a medical oncologist who wll assess targeted therapy options for me (chemo). They might want to assess whether the adrenal gland needs to be removed.
I'll also eventually see a genetic counselor (at the end of September, nothing seems to move quick here to be honest, ech.)
I'll also see a research medical oncologist eventually who will be analyizing the mutational analysis results from the adrenal gland biopsy.

Their big question is what the relationship is between the tumors- cervic, breast, lung, lymph nodes, adrenal gland... I feel like quite the case study.

Thanks for journeying with me...

Leaving, on a jet plane...

Hats are getting really challenging to wear...
90 degrees plus humidity is hard without the hat!

Well. It has been almost a week since that appointment.
I've been more conscious of what I'm feeling inside but overall, I've felt pretty darn healthy.
Hair is growing back.
Energy is mediocre (mainly because I've had hideous sleep, hoping to resolve sooner than later).
Appetite is full force, happy to be gaining some weight.
Saying goodbye left and right to wonderful, beautiful friends and people who are almost more like family to us.  It is ridiculously hard.
We've been getting rid of things and planning out packing for ages. Shipping back many boxes to save money on overweight bags, etc... Shall see how it goes tomorrow at checkin!
The boxes we shipped take TWO months to arrive in Oregon. I've decided to look on it as little happy surprises once each box arrives.
I have an appointment with my oncologist for next Tuesday. I have PET scans, a packet from my former oncologist, and x-rays all organized and ready to bring to the office before the appointment. I have a list of questions I've been accumulating in my journal book. Helps to write them down instead of festering on one thing after another.
For now, I cannot do anything about it, will just treat myself well.

Bringing our dog to the cargo shipping area...

Flying out tomorrow in the evening, so excited to head home.
Our dog flew home almost a week ago and handled the transition incredibly well. So relieved. My wonderful parents are caring for her until our return to the US. It is a little sad to see my dog's aging through my parents eyes since her sight/hearing has changed so much, plus her gait has changed... but her loving nature and wonderful companionship is still beautiful.
After way too many interviews at 11:30pm and 5:30/6am I have a new work home to head to in mid-August. Really happy to be a library/tech specialist, my passion is that combination and I look forward to meeting new students, staff, and community members.
So, overall? Feeling fine with life. Poor hand presently health-wise but shall be maintaining complimentary practices to keep a healthy focus and exploring other options when I settle in Oregon.
Thanks as always for journeying with me... Getting along. Getting about. Appreciating life. Not festering on the negatives... refocusing the mind on positives.

Going around now with this hairstyle, very very short, but so much cooler,
bearable in this heat...
So happy to have hair! :)

Goodbye empty apartment!