Roller coaster day

Prepare. This is a ranting one. Not so happy, positive.
Well. Apparently, one good way to make me cry and continue making me cry is to starve me for half a day and then request that I pay exorbitant fees on my own immediately. When I clarify such a request, tell me that if I don't agree to pay I can postpone all tests and treatment until I do agree to pay... that'll do me in.
The new receptionist at the clinic said, "Oh I feel so sorry for you." - My response? "Don't use pity on me, that isn't helpful and it makes me angry at you. I don't want to be angry please." She said, "Oh, I know." - do not tell a cancer patient that you feel sorry for them. Should be a lesson day 1 with someone dealing with them all day at a clinic...
I'm a bit of a nutcase when I don't have food consistently through a day. I'm quite good at feeding myself. Even through chemotherapy, I've eaten. Less some days but overall, I've never missed a meal or snack. So, when I got a call this morning that I had to fast before a CT exam this afternoon, I was surprised... wasn't told about this on Friday. I also forgot completely about the needle in the arm contrast that I had to have during the CT exam. *Think I would have handled it better if they'd told me info when I received the appointment paperwork on Friday. *Radiologist cancelled the MRI, said that my PET scan from December and the CT scan would be enough.
Apparently, another really good way to make me cry is to come at me with a needle and request to put it in the hand I've had chemo treatment in. That did me in quite nicely. He put it elsewhere.
Finally, another good way to make me cry is to be a kind sweet lab technician who knew me during the past two treatments who pats me on the shoulder and tells me to relax... yup. That'll do me in... Oh, and having to interact with my radiologist? Just icing on the cake. Him asking me to sign a release and specifically checking if I'm "comfortable" with the statement? No. I'm not comfortable with you telling me all the side effects and risks in a statement, not comfortable at all thank you. But I am willing to sign what I need to for treatment...
Today, the morning was lovely enough on an empty stomach... got to teach, run a battle of the books meeting with my students, and deal with paperwork and budgeting... but this afternoon at the hospital completely blew. From the moment I walked in until I dealt with further complications with billing at checkout. Glad to be home. Glad to have someone to call about the extra fees that I find questionable that I had to pay a portion of today... Glad to have time with my wonderful husband to vent before the kiddo got home. Glad I had food to eat...
I'm thoroughly embarrassed with how I handled today. I do not like emotional outbursts. I do not like crying. I barely ever have experiences like this. I now need a rest, feel like a little kid who needs a nap after a temper tantrum.
Tomorrow I begin official treatment at 4:30pm. Blech. I've asked that my husband be there for this first treatment in case there are further surprises and billing stressors. I'm ridiculously emotional this third round. Feel like I'm experiencing a smidge of what people experience with PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, because going back into that tube for the CT scan today made me sob a little. Thinking of what I can distract my brain with for the 30 treatments ahead. Knew this would be hard. Knew it would suck. Sigh.   *Thank you to my beautiful sister for her plan to share special stories each day of treatment... quite touched, there's one thing to think about!
Talk about a roller coaster. Up down, up down... Glad I teach all day tomorrow. Love classes and am excited about what we're doing in the library.
Thanks for journeying with me...